I'm writing something once again, cause it's a concern of mine, and while I could start searching for some answers, I felt like being open about it, and getting some advise from someone this way could be worth a try.

So for around 10 years, I've been trying to get to Germany. Had a huge dream related to it. In Autumn 2016 it became a reality, but after a year I had to admit to myself that the job that I had wasn't for me, so I've returned to Poland, and have been trying to get my shit together, start work as a programmer..... which didn't work yet, but I'm working on it.

Anyway, the big major issue is that I've seemingly lost all of my passion, and by that I don't mean that I have an art block, or that struggle with ideas, I mean things like:
-My comic is just a huge "How do I end it?" question
-My video review show just makes me think of questions like "What videos do I still want to make before I quit?"
-My future job is not something to give me perspectives for the future. I seem ok with the idea of getting a mediocre, boring job, as long as it's easy, and can make enough to make a living. No big major ambitions
-Me living with my parents doesn't stress the Hell out of me, like it did years ago, it's just "Well, I don't need to pay rent, so whatever"
-Me getting romantically involved with anyone, or even just interacting with people offline sounds like a hassle to me, so I just stay in my room/house all the time.


I've truly sank into a state where days just go by. I am in a quite neutral state, where nothing changing does not depress me, where I feel no fear for tomorrow, but at the same time, I also feel no passion or excitement for it either. It feels less like life, and more like I'm vegetating.

Literally, just the other day, a friend asked me if I'd like to create video games, cause as a programmer, I should be able to do it. Sounded fun, I said that maybe I would, which then prompted the question of what kind of games I'd like to make, and it just ended in silence, cause I was just probably thinking of it as a good idea in terms of "me making a game for someone else". I have no ideas of my own. All the dreams and passion projects on the table right now are things from my past, and all of them I look at as projects, which I seem to want to finish as soon as possible, to not have them bother me anymore.

Not sure what this is, if it's just me being unemployed for so long, or if it's the fact that things didn't work with Germany, so now I'm drained of all hope. I don't know what it is, and I don't even want to expect anyone reading this to give me an answer, but if anyone could give me some suggestion as to what this could be, so I could start looking for answers, that would already be a lot, and I'd be very grateful.

Thank you