Contrary to what I had imagined, I'm enjoying my Christmas. Until a week ago I had no intention to have interactions with friends and the rest of the family. All I wanted was to stay with my parents and my big sister. As mentioned previously, the last period was stressful for me.

But in reality, it's not just a matter of stress.
But a matter of depression.

This year I tried to kill myself.

If I did not do it is more a matter of cowardice, at least I think.

The main causes are the insecurity and the fear of being a burden to the people that I love. To my misfortune, I have the bad habit of not talking to anyone of the things that worry me, this is because in the past I have been told "you're exaggerating" , "there are people who are in a worst situation than you", "is not something so serious". it is obvious that I am aware that in this world there are people who have a shit life... but also a poor stupid like me has the right to a minimum of vent, or not?

Nevertheless, convinced of be a selfish person, I remained silent and kept everything inside.

last month, when my parents came to visit me in Florence, I finally came out. It happened after a situation that, normally, only annoys you. but my brain has fed this situation to the level of "you ruined the life of this person."
yeah, and that sucks.
I ran away from home and they literally had to catch me to calm myself.
With the brain of a blackout, I struggled to confess to my family what it was eating me inside.

I'm here today and I'm beginning a journey of reconciliation with myself.
I'm still haunted by dark thoughts, but this time I'm finding the courage to ask for help.
because I'm telling you this?
not to receive attention or pity.
I wanto to tell to anyone, right now, who is living a situation of anxiety similar to mine, that you are not alone.
Your discomfort is as important as that of other people.
If you considers that it is serious its ok, so don't hesitate to ask for help.
No, you're not exaggerating.
I understand what you're enduring and I sorry that I'm not able to help you more. But know that there is someone there near you that is ready to support you, as I have my family with me.

Be strong. Your life is worth so much and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Merry Christmas.