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Sam/John popularity contest
7 years ago
The following is scribed from a reaction to this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBJCyV3BwBQ) video. John, Sam and Soubs are all acted by John Samer, their creator.
Sammu:
Oh. It is on. Hey, John, we're doing this one. Which of us is more popular?
John:
I'm going to win this. I have more than 150 friends online.
Soubi:
Facebook doesn't count.
John:
Why are you here?
Soubi:
Either way one of you two is going to lose and I'm going to gloat and rub it in your faces.
Sammu:
Soubs, you're a regular at the nightclub down the road so much that everybody recognises you when you walk in and
your success at friendships consists solely of people who don't know who you are yet at the bar. Also you're
married with 2 children from 2 different lovers so that kinda stops all frienships dead.
John:
Couldn't have said it better myself. Where I'm squeaky clean.
Sammu:
You're only clean because no-one will go out with you, not even spike your drink.
Soubi:
Serve.
John:
Whatever, let's do this. I'm gonna wipe the floor with you.
Sammu:
If you say so.
#1-
John:
This block already has too many people to count.
Sammu:
Yeah but they wouldn't exactly call you a friend. I think I win there but let's say your 150 facebook friends
count so far.
...
Soubi:
15 for both of you.
#2-
John:
C.
Sammu:
B. No wait A.
Soubi:
You can't cheat it Sammu.
John:
Definite B.
Sammu:
If you say so.
...
Soubi:
Sammu now has 25. John, you have 20.
Sammu:
I'm already winning.
John:
We'll see.
#3-
Sammu:
A! Definitely.
John:
Define 'sleepover'.
Soubi:
John is a definite C.
Sammu:
If C was googling scientific journals and making philosopical posts in the recreational drugs forums.
John:
Close enough.
...
Soubi:
Sam, 10. John, 5. Sam is now 35 points and John, 25.
Sammu:
I'm winning a literal popularity contest.
John:
Next.
#4-
John:
B.
Sammu:
Also B but that's because my whole life is in there. I don't think they factored my kind of laptop into this so I
guess it's closer to A.
Soubi:
You wield that thing like it's a damn phone. It's gigantic and you whip it out to group photos and selfies like it
weighs nothing. I love music though.
Sammu:
Really close to a "That's what she said." moment there.
...
Soubi:
Sam, 15. John, 10. Sam's at 50, John's at 35.
Sammu:
Glad you're doing the math. I've already lost track.
John:
These questions seem to be more about how outgoing you are rather than how good a friend though.
Sammu:
Thus, I'm winning.
#5-
John:
A. You guys are more chaotic than useful. I can't get anything done with you around.
Sammu:
I'd say C for me. In my experience all these guys are useful around here.
Soubi:
That's because Sammu likes to do fun activities and John is only interested in nerd stuff.
John:
If it wasn't for my engineering skills you two would have run your rent tab dry and be out on your ear. My
'boring' job is paying for the upkeep of nearly everybody in the whole damn block.
Sammu:
You keep telling yourself that sweet cheeks.
...
Soubi:
John, 5. Sam, 15. Sam's 65, John's 40.
John:
Again, this only tests time devoted to activity and not how useful and productive your interactions are when you
make them. You might spend a lot of time around friends but be that person that nobody wants there. This isn't a
good test.
Sammu:
You ARE that person John.
John:
Number 6!
#6-
Sammu:
C.
John:
A.
Soubi:
Now that is interesting. That's the total opposite way round to what makes sense.
Sammu:
I want to be relied upon.
John:
I have so many repressed dreams.
...
Soubi:
John, 5. Sam, 10. Sam has 75 points now. John has 45.
John:
This question is stupid. I get why B has the biggest score but out of A and C how is the boring job more points
than the creative one? People like people with wonderful imagination and passion. Practical people are boring.
Sammu:
I have to agree. Even though I won this round.
#7-
Sammu:
I'm A.
John:
Finally a decent question. C. You guys have put me off socializing for life.
Sammu:
You're a B.
Soubi:
I've seen you drunk. You're a definate B.
Sammu:
Put a B down.
John:
It's my opinion. Put down what I think. Put a C.
Soubi:
Okay, but I think you're gonna regret it.
...
Soubi:
Told you!
Sammu:
Oh my god. You shot yourself down.
Soubi:
Sam, 15. John, 5.
John:
No, change mine to B, 10 points.
Soubi:
No, you done it now, 5 points. Sam's total is 90-
John:
Mine's 55.
Soubi:
50.
John:
You say 50, I'll say 55. I'll keep a running total in my head.
Soubi:
Whatever, weirdo.
Sammu:
What does it matter anyway, I'm 40 points ahead of you. You can't make that up in 3 questions. I mean I'm bad at
math and all but even I know that. I'm right aren't I Soubi?
Soubi:
You can only get 10 points max more than the other person per question so yeah you'd need at least 5 more
questions to beat him.
Sammu:
Told ya.
John:
But most of the questions are complete bull. They don't test values like loyalty or trust or anything like that.
It's biased.
Sammu:
Yeah but those things don't make you popular, do they Mr.No Real Life Friends.
John:
Hey. Internet friends are still real friends. We talk about our families and work and stuff, not just memes.
Sammu:
And I actually talk to people in real life.
John:
8!
#8-
Soubi:
How does John answer this? He doesn't have a crush.
Sammu:
Just answer it as though a random person asked him out then.
John:
I already have that. B. B as hell. Get these freaks away from me.
Sammu:
So say's Mr. Perfect Partner over there. How will you ever find love if you push people away?
John:
I'm looking for the perfect partner. I have so many potential suiters I'll sift through them all to find the best
option based on their qualities. I'm Mr.Perfect after all, who said I'll just take up any old person who comes
knocking?
Sammu:
What you're describing is a dating site. Lol, good luck with that.
Soubi:
Sammu, your answer? Like we need to ask.
Sammu:
C.
Soubi:
That's not how you really reacted. It was more A.
Sammu:
Definite C.
Soubi:
Can't fool me. I know you Sam. You looked excited but you were bricking it.
Sammu:
Put C, dammit!
Soubi:
Okay, not that it matters with the scores anymore.
John:
I'm putting him down as an A on my tally.
Sammu:
Whatever, nobody cares.
...
Soubi:
Sam, 15. John, 5. Wait, what happened to the score.
Sammu:
What the? 15, 10, 15?
Soubi:
Don't worry, I remember what they were before anyway.
Soubi:
Sam is 105, John is 55. In John's system Sam is 100 and John is 60.
John:
Wait wait. Let me figure it out. Yes, you're right. Damn. Hey you want a job Soubi? You could be my personal
calcultor.
Soubi:
8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8 *gesturs flashing with hands*.
John:
Actually yeah. With your track record that's a bad idea.
#9-
John:
A.
Sammu:
B.
John:
"Honest"? Seriously?
Soubi:
I'm a definite C.
Sammu:
Yes, that's quite a problem.
John:
I'll say. I have to pay his beer tab.
...
Soubi:
John, 5. Sam, 10. 15 for me. Yay! So that's 115 to 60 for me and Sam's system, 110 to 65 for John's system.
John:
I'm getting confused so I'll take your word on that.
#10-
Sammu:
A, A, A, A! A thousand times A!
John:
C.
Sammu:
Bull, you're B.
John:
I'm actually quite insulted by that and the fact you know know me so little.
Soubi:
Stop trying to cheat John. You're losing anyway so what's the point?
John:
But I'm being honest. I like helping people. Sammu does too. I'm say we're both C.
Sammu:
You can do that, we're not doing that.
John:
Just do the scores. I'm losing the will to live here.
...
Soubi:
Sam, 15. John, 5. And in John's method you're both 10 because he's a sore loser.
John:
That's... Let me figure this out.
Soubi:
Team anti-bull, Sam has 130, John has 65. John's delusion, Sam has 120, John has 75.
Sammu:
It's just petty.
John:
Isn't it just, Mr.Honest.
Results-
Soubi:
50-85. That's John no matter which scoring system you're using.
...
Sammu:
Born leader? Whatever.
John:
That we can agree on.
Sammu:
Well, you're a worthless loner. Unstick yourself from the bedroom and get some sunlight you vampire.
John:
It's an office and I work nights because of timezones.
Soubi:
He's so going on adult websites.
John:
You read my internet history. You know I don't.
Sammu:
Still don't know how you did that.
Soubi:
We'll catch you one day.
...
Soubi:
90-125. Sammu according to John.
...
Soubi:
That's you Sammu, I'm pretty sure.
Sammu:
Very close but let's see what my score says about me first.
...
Sammu:
Being popular is exhausting.
John:
You're exhausting.
Sammu:
I do meditate though. Looks like I'm already doing the right thing. Unlike John who'd be whiter than a flag on
Mars if not for his natural skin pigment.
John:
It's not fair. I'm the better friend. I deserve to be more popular.
Sammu:
But you're not and that's what makes me the 'better'.
Soubi:
He won the contest even with your biased scoring system.
John:
That's because the questions are bull ****! I deserve to win that.
Sammu:
But you didn't. You lose so ha! Chalk another scratch for me.
John:
How on Earth do you have a steady girlfriend? I'll never figure that out.
Sammu:
I think it's obvious why you don't.
Soubi:
Let's get sushi.
Sammu:
Chou's?
John:
Are you still doing that joke?
Soubi:
It is trending.
Sammu:
Oh. It is on. Hey, John, we're doing this one. Which of us is more popular?
John:
I'm going to win this. I have more than 150 friends online.
Soubi:
Facebook doesn't count.
John:
Why are you here?
Soubi:
Either way one of you two is going to lose and I'm going to gloat and rub it in your faces.
Sammu:
Soubs, you're a regular at the nightclub down the road so much that everybody recognises you when you walk in and
your success at friendships consists solely of people who don't know who you are yet at the bar. Also you're
married with 2 children from 2 different lovers so that kinda stops all frienships dead.
John:
Couldn't have said it better myself. Where I'm squeaky clean.
Sammu:
You're only clean because no-one will go out with you, not even spike your drink.
Soubi:
Serve.
John:
Whatever, let's do this. I'm gonna wipe the floor with you.
Sammu:
If you say so.
#1-
John:
This block already has too many people to count.
Sammu:
Yeah but they wouldn't exactly call you a friend. I think I win there but let's say your 150 facebook friends
count so far.
...
Soubi:
15 for both of you.
#2-
John:
C.
Sammu:
B. No wait A.
Soubi:
You can't cheat it Sammu.
John:
Definite B.
Sammu:
If you say so.
...
Soubi:
Sammu now has 25. John, you have 20.
Sammu:
I'm already winning.
John:
We'll see.
#3-
Sammu:
A! Definitely.
John:
Define 'sleepover'.
Soubi:
John is a definite C.
Sammu:
If C was googling scientific journals and making philosopical posts in the recreational drugs forums.
John:
Close enough.
...
Soubi:
Sam, 10. John, 5. Sam is now 35 points and John, 25.
Sammu:
I'm winning a literal popularity contest.
John:
Next.
#4-
John:
B.
Sammu:
Also B but that's because my whole life is in there. I don't think they factored my kind of laptop into this so I
guess it's closer to A.
Soubi:
You wield that thing like it's a damn phone. It's gigantic and you whip it out to group photos and selfies like it
weighs nothing. I love music though.
Sammu:
Really close to a "That's what she said." moment there.
...
Soubi:
Sam, 15. John, 10. Sam's at 50, John's at 35.
Sammu:
Glad you're doing the math. I've already lost track.
John:
These questions seem to be more about how outgoing you are rather than how good a friend though.
Sammu:
Thus, I'm winning.
#5-
John:
A. You guys are more chaotic than useful. I can't get anything done with you around.
Sammu:
I'd say C for me. In my experience all these guys are useful around here.
Soubi:
That's because Sammu likes to do fun activities and John is only interested in nerd stuff.
John:
If it wasn't for my engineering skills you two would have run your rent tab dry and be out on your ear. My
'boring' job is paying for the upkeep of nearly everybody in the whole damn block.
Sammu:
You keep telling yourself that sweet cheeks.
...
Soubi:
John, 5. Sam, 15. Sam's 65, John's 40.
John:
Again, this only tests time devoted to activity and not how useful and productive your interactions are when you
make them. You might spend a lot of time around friends but be that person that nobody wants there. This isn't a
good test.
Sammu:
You ARE that person John.
John:
Number 6!
#6-
Sammu:
C.
John:
A.
Soubi:
Now that is interesting. That's the total opposite way round to what makes sense.
Sammu:
I want to be relied upon.
John:
I have so many repressed dreams.
...
Soubi:
John, 5. Sam, 10. Sam has 75 points now. John has 45.
John:
This question is stupid. I get why B has the biggest score but out of A and C how is the boring job more points
than the creative one? People like people with wonderful imagination and passion. Practical people are boring.
Sammu:
I have to agree. Even though I won this round.
#7-
Sammu:
I'm A.
John:
Finally a decent question. C. You guys have put me off socializing for life.
Sammu:
You're a B.
Soubi:
I've seen you drunk. You're a definate B.
Sammu:
Put a B down.
John:
It's my opinion. Put down what I think. Put a C.
Soubi:
Okay, but I think you're gonna regret it.
...
Soubi:
Told you!
Sammu:
Oh my god. You shot yourself down.
Soubi:
Sam, 15. John, 5.
John:
No, change mine to B, 10 points.
Soubi:
No, you done it now, 5 points. Sam's total is 90-
John:
Mine's 55.
Soubi:
50.
John:
You say 50, I'll say 55. I'll keep a running total in my head.
Soubi:
Whatever, weirdo.
Sammu:
What does it matter anyway, I'm 40 points ahead of you. You can't make that up in 3 questions. I mean I'm bad at
math and all but even I know that. I'm right aren't I Soubi?
Soubi:
You can only get 10 points max more than the other person per question so yeah you'd need at least 5 more
questions to beat him.
Sammu:
Told ya.
John:
But most of the questions are complete bull. They don't test values like loyalty or trust or anything like that.
It's biased.
Sammu:
Yeah but those things don't make you popular, do they Mr.No Real Life Friends.
John:
Hey. Internet friends are still real friends. We talk about our families and work and stuff, not just memes.
Sammu:
And I actually talk to people in real life.
John:
8!
#8-
Soubi:
How does John answer this? He doesn't have a crush.
Sammu:
Just answer it as though a random person asked him out then.
John:
I already have that. B. B as hell. Get these freaks away from me.
Sammu:
So say's Mr. Perfect Partner over there. How will you ever find love if you push people away?
John:
I'm looking for the perfect partner. I have so many potential suiters I'll sift through them all to find the best
option based on their qualities. I'm Mr.Perfect after all, who said I'll just take up any old person who comes
knocking?
Sammu:
What you're describing is a dating site. Lol, good luck with that.
Soubi:
Sammu, your answer? Like we need to ask.
Sammu:
C.
Soubi:
That's not how you really reacted. It was more A.
Sammu:
Definite C.
Soubi:
Can't fool me. I know you Sam. You looked excited but you were bricking it.
Sammu:
Put C, dammit!
Soubi:
Okay, not that it matters with the scores anymore.
John:
I'm putting him down as an A on my tally.
Sammu:
Whatever, nobody cares.
...
Soubi:
Sam, 15. John, 5. Wait, what happened to the score.
Sammu:
What the? 15, 10, 15?
Soubi:
Don't worry, I remember what they were before anyway.
Soubi:
Sam is 105, John is 55. In John's system Sam is 100 and John is 60.
John:
Wait wait. Let me figure it out. Yes, you're right. Damn. Hey you want a job Soubi? You could be my personal
calcultor.
Soubi:
8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8 *gesturs flashing with hands*.
John:
Actually yeah. With your track record that's a bad idea.
#9-
John:
A.
Sammu:
B.
John:
"Honest"? Seriously?
Soubi:
I'm a definite C.
Sammu:
Yes, that's quite a problem.
John:
I'll say. I have to pay his beer tab.
...
Soubi:
John, 5. Sam, 10. 15 for me. Yay! So that's 115 to 60 for me and Sam's system, 110 to 65 for John's system.
John:
I'm getting confused so I'll take your word on that.
#10-
Sammu:
A, A, A, A! A thousand times A!
John:
C.
Sammu:
Bull, you're B.
John:
I'm actually quite insulted by that and the fact you know know me so little.
Soubi:
Stop trying to cheat John. You're losing anyway so what's the point?
John:
But I'm being honest. I like helping people. Sammu does too. I'm say we're both C.
Sammu:
You can do that, we're not doing that.
John:
Just do the scores. I'm losing the will to live here.
...
Soubi:
Sam, 15. John, 5. And in John's method you're both 10 because he's a sore loser.
John:
That's... Let me figure this out.
Soubi:
Team anti-bull, Sam has 130, John has 65. John's delusion, Sam has 120, John has 75.
Sammu:
It's just petty.
John:
Isn't it just, Mr.Honest.
Results-
Soubi:
50-85. That's John no matter which scoring system you're using.
...
Sammu:
Born leader? Whatever.
John:
That we can agree on.
Sammu:
Well, you're a worthless loner. Unstick yourself from the bedroom and get some sunlight you vampire.
John:
It's an office and I work nights because of timezones.
Soubi:
He's so going on adult websites.
John:
You read my internet history. You know I don't.
Sammu:
Still don't know how you did that.
Soubi:
We'll catch you one day.
...
Soubi:
90-125. Sammu according to John.
...
Soubi:
That's you Sammu, I'm pretty sure.
Sammu:
Very close but let's see what my score says about me first.
...
Sammu:
Being popular is exhausting.
John:
You're exhausting.
Sammu:
I do meditate though. Looks like I'm already doing the right thing. Unlike John who'd be whiter than a flag on
Mars if not for his natural skin pigment.
John:
It's not fair. I'm the better friend. I deserve to be more popular.
Sammu:
But you're not and that's what makes me the 'better'.
Soubi:
He won the contest even with your biased scoring system.
John:
That's because the questions are bull ****! I deserve to win that.
Sammu:
But you didn't. You lose so ha! Chalk another scratch for me.
John:
How on Earth do you have a steady girlfriend? I'll never figure that out.
Sammu:
I think it's obvious why you don't.
Soubi:
Let's get sushi.
Sammu:
Chou's?
John:
Are you still doing that joke?
Soubi:
It is trending.
