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Fight with the Family. Some notes....
7 years ago
General
Oh god where can I put a fucking journal like this. Why would I put a journal like this somewhere public to see? But if my paranoia is right and this is where things end, or could end.... it is something that needs to be said.
Sorry, wasn't even sure how to open a journal like this or even where I can start and continue going on.
It is a long story, but around 6 or so months ago, I decided to allow someone I really care for to move in with me. There were a lot of factors in this decision, and there are a lot of consequences be cause of it.
One such consequence is how my family felt. Specifically my mom, but where things are right now. I could definitely did not see that coming.
Long story short, my mom told me today asking about what I am still doing with my girlfriend. Believing that she is a burden. She sent me a text today and while I may have dodged to get out of it, when she asked about her, I said I was still with her.
Her response was "Are you really that desperate"
Maybe its because I was an emotionless robot, the kinda who would say "Insult me? I don't care. Insult someone I care about. You're fucking dead". But something about that line, just hit me hard.
I told her off that I am just, not in the mood for that shit. I told her off for being rude with that line and that it is my choice who I get to be with, whether as a friend or in a relationship. In the end it is MY choice. No one else's.
Her response was "I guess I have lost you. Be happy. I love you".
The conversation was stressful enough. Constantly thinking when I would break down to if I would. Should I respond with something, should I ignore. What.
A decision was made for me, but the one person who never should have made it.
My brother decided to call me. I missed it the first time, but he left a nice voice mail that was "Call me back, NOW". Followed up with a nice text message of "You have 5 minutes". Of course, I called back and when in neutral, asking what was wrong. Of course, I am the asshole. I am the asshole for taking in someone and not listening to my family when they were giving advice, and now to blow off mom. My brothers words. Not mine. His was laced more with "fuck you" in it. Figuratively and literally.
It got to the point I decided to kick my brother in the nuts and simply ask him how much he had been drinking. Of course, he told me he just got off work, but whether or not he is telling the truth there, the fact he is a heavy drinker, was slurry as fuck in the call, gets angry when he is drunk, knows he has a drinking problem and does JACK to stop it, AND AND AND believes that he is still some how superior in the forms of relationships just because he has had one. He followed it up with more swearing and hang up.
I am now not sure if my parents or brother or anyone else in the family wants anything to do with me. And at this point, I am not sure if I want to give them the middle finger and tell them to sit 'n spin.
They are my family after all. They are both blood and bond.
But my brother has set me off. While I am understanding of my family's worries, can see where they come from and want to do something to get both of them to be together.... my brother of all people should not and is not the kind of person who gives me lectures. Who has the fucking stones to say that what I am doing is wrong and insulting to our mom when he was the kind of person, both growing up and recently, who never gave a shit about anyone other than himself. Who did things like skip out birthdays and even holidays at his convince rather than with the family. To him, we were ALWAYS going to be there, so why bother trying. It is only recently that he may have had a true change of heart with his ex's break up and having to move back in with the folks. Maybe he is humbled on it, maybe its just because he gets to interact more with the family that he has reflected on. Maybe my mom is an asshole has poisioned his thoughts. Or maybe space potatoes.
As I have told a few people, if it was my dad who had called me instead, giving the same words that my brother gave. It would have been a different conversation. I would be upset with him, and maybe even still told him off. But I still would have respect for him. This is half of the group who raised me.
My brother on the other hand, the kid who would care nothing about someone unless he found a way to get something out of it. Who spent years blowing off and pissing off the family? Who expected that he could arrive late and or drunk to family meetings and assume that people wouldn't care? Or how about gift me an Xbox One for Christmas, one that is not only non-operational, was his old xbox where he kept the controllers and half the wires, and stated that I would have to pay 100$ to Microsoft support to get it working to play games with him? The kid who blew off attempts to be social growing up because he would rather hang with anyone else besides family? The person who gets someone high, has the gall to state that they will be there to protect them, and then kicks em out because he has work in the morning and the person is having a bad reaction?
Yeah.... you don't have the fucking high ground on this issue buddy Not Anymore.. If anything, this was not anyone in the family disowning me. This was me finally disowning him.
Edits: 3 attempts to make the journal more cohesive at this point, and to get what I really meant down on paper, not emotional ranting and rambling.
Sorry, wasn't even sure how to open a journal like this or even where I can start and continue going on.
It is a long story, but around 6 or so months ago, I decided to allow someone I really care for to move in with me. There were a lot of factors in this decision, and there are a lot of consequences be cause of it.
One such consequence is how my family felt. Specifically my mom, but where things are right now. I could definitely did not see that coming.
Long story short, my mom told me today asking about what I am still doing with my girlfriend. Believing that she is a burden. She sent me a text today and while I may have dodged to get out of it, when she asked about her, I said I was still with her.
Her response was "Are you really that desperate"
Maybe its because I was an emotionless robot, the kinda who would say "Insult me? I don't care. Insult someone I care about. You're fucking dead". But something about that line, just hit me hard.
I told her off that I am just, not in the mood for that shit. I told her off for being rude with that line and that it is my choice who I get to be with, whether as a friend or in a relationship. In the end it is MY choice. No one else's.
Her response was "I guess I have lost you. Be happy. I love you".
The conversation was stressful enough. Constantly thinking when I would break down to if I would. Should I respond with something, should I ignore. What.
A decision was made for me, but the one person who never should have made it.
My brother decided to call me. I missed it the first time, but he left a nice voice mail that was "Call me back, NOW". Followed up with a nice text message of "You have 5 minutes". Of course, I called back and when in neutral, asking what was wrong. Of course, I am the asshole. I am the asshole for taking in someone and not listening to my family when they were giving advice, and now to blow off mom. My brothers words. Not mine. His was laced more with "fuck you" in it. Figuratively and literally.
It got to the point I decided to kick my brother in the nuts and simply ask him how much he had been drinking. Of course, he told me he just got off work, but whether or not he is telling the truth there, the fact he is a heavy drinker, was slurry as fuck in the call, gets angry when he is drunk, knows he has a drinking problem and does JACK to stop it, AND AND AND believes that he is still some how superior in the forms of relationships just because he has had one. He followed it up with more swearing and hang up.
I am now not sure if my parents or brother or anyone else in the family wants anything to do with me. And at this point, I am not sure if I want to give them the middle finger and tell them to sit 'n spin.
They are my family after all. They are both blood and bond.
But my brother has set me off. While I am understanding of my family's worries, can see where they come from and want to do something to get both of them to be together.... my brother of all people should not and is not the kind of person who gives me lectures. Who has the fucking stones to say that what I am doing is wrong and insulting to our mom when he was the kind of person, both growing up and recently, who never gave a shit about anyone other than himself. Who did things like skip out birthdays and even holidays at his convince rather than with the family. To him, we were ALWAYS going to be there, so why bother trying. It is only recently that he may have had a true change of heart with his ex's break up and having to move back in with the folks. Maybe he is humbled on it, maybe its just because he gets to interact more with the family that he has reflected on. Maybe my mom is an asshole has poisioned his thoughts. Or maybe space potatoes.
As I have told a few people, if it was my dad who had called me instead, giving the same words that my brother gave. It would have been a different conversation. I would be upset with him, and maybe even still told him off. But I still would have respect for him. This is half of the group who raised me.
My brother on the other hand, the kid who would care nothing about someone unless he found a way to get something out of it. Who spent years blowing off and pissing off the family? Who expected that he could arrive late and or drunk to family meetings and assume that people wouldn't care? Or how about gift me an Xbox One for Christmas, one that is not only non-operational, was his old xbox where he kept the controllers and half the wires, and stated that I would have to pay 100$ to Microsoft support to get it working to play games with him? The kid who blew off attempts to be social growing up because he would rather hang with anyone else besides family? The person who gets someone high, has the gall to state that they will be there to protect them, and then kicks em out because he has work in the morning and the person is having a bad reaction?
Yeah.... you don't have the fucking high ground on this issue buddy Not Anymore.. If anything, this was not anyone in the family disowning me. This was me finally disowning him.
Edits: 3 attempts to make the journal more cohesive at this point, and to get what I really meant down on paper, not emotional ranting and rambling.
