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Who I am VS. What I am
16 years ago
I'm going to give a little explanation here. I've been open about my sexuality for about 6~ months. That's not that long in the grand scheme of things. I've never been the flamboyant type, I'm pretty shy and introverted. I've been working at non-specific Pizza resturant for 1.5 months. I did not inform my boss that I was gay, and the only other person that knew was my friend and co-worker, Lilly, who I've known for many years.
So I'm 'playing it straight' at work. I didn't tell any of my co-workers that didn't know. I wanted to make friends, and get people to know me on a personal level before I let slip that I'm gay. If it had come up in conversation, I'd have said something about it. Being shy and introverted, you can imagine how difficult it is to even meet new people. Even more stressful because they're a tight knit group of co-workers. There's several boyfriend/girlfriend pairs, and a brother/sister pair.
Lilly comes up to me and tells me that my manager asked her if I was a homosexual. Lilly, being honest and knowing that I was open, said yes. At this point, I was weirded out, but didn't think anything of it. My Manager never said anything to me about it.
A month passes, and now it's today. Lilly tells me that my manager went around the workplace, telling all of the senior employees that I was gay, and to not offend me in any way. This infuriated me. Now, everyone knows I'm gay, without me saying a single word about it. My sexuality proceeds me, thanks to her, and now people will have pre-thought conclusions about who I must be as a person, before they actually know me at all.
Then it started to make me think more and more about how people act at work. Now, I constantly think 'Is she/he only being polite I'm gay?'. Little things, bugging the heck out of me. Now, I can't take anyone honestly. There's an elephant in the room, and nobody will say anything about it except being more polite to me than others. I don't want this.
I don't want this.
I'm not fragile. I'm not going to cry if someone makes a joke. What I do want, is to be able to let someone get to know who i am, not what I am.
Anything thoughts? Any suggestions?
I'm really scared here. I'm shy enough, I don't need this burden.
So I'm 'playing it straight' at work. I didn't tell any of my co-workers that didn't know. I wanted to make friends, and get people to know me on a personal level before I let slip that I'm gay. If it had come up in conversation, I'd have said something about it. Being shy and introverted, you can imagine how difficult it is to even meet new people. Even more stressful because they're a tight knit group of co-workers. There's several boyfriend/girlfriend pairs, and a brother/sister pair.
Lilly comes up to me and tells me that my manager asked her if I was a homosexual. Lilly, being honest and knowing that I was open, said yes. At this point, I was weirded out, but didn't think anything of it. My Manager never said anything to me about it.
A month passes, and now it's today. Lilly tells me that my manager went around the workplace, telling all of the senior employees that I was gay, and to not offend me in any way. This infuriated me. Now, everyone knows I'm gay, without me saying a single word about it. My sexuality proceeds me, thanks to her, and now people will have pre-thought conclusions about who I must be as a person, before they actually know me at all.
Then it started to make me think more and more about how people act at work. Now, I constantly think 'Is she/he only being polite I'm gay?'. Little things, bugging the heck out of me. Now, I can't take anyone honestly. There's an elephant in the room, and nobody will say anything about it except being more polite to me than others. I don't want this.
I don't want this.
I'm not fragile. I'm not going to cry if someone makes a joke. What I do want, is to be able to let someone get to know who i am, not what I am.
Anything thoughts? Any suggestions?
I'm really scared here. I'm shy enough, I don't need this burden.
- I don't know who does and doesn't know.
- It's as if it's something to be ashamed of because I never 'said it'.
Of course, this is all hindsight. The problem isn't what SHOULD have been done, but what you are GOING to do. This would be easier if you had a partner. The way I've ALWAYS told people is to just slip in "my boyfriend..." in conversation. They ask "You're gay?" And I verify. There, done.
However... yeah. The other part of the problem is that you are a shy boy by nature. The only course of action that I think would be productive in a way is to confront your manager. She can't reverse what she's done. More likely than not it won't change the SITUATION, but it will change YOUR POSITION in the situation. Right now, the assumption is that you're ignorant to the group. But you have to correct your manager's mistake: ESPECIALLY since she tried to be helpful. That means she WANTS to be a good manager.
As much as you may not want to, it COULD BE SAID that it's your responsibility to teach them heteros how to treat us. (more on that below)
The bad news is that the situation as a whole can't be reversed unless you talk to each person specifically and tell them one-on-one, which is tedious, time-consuming, and let's face it, not really viable.
The good news is that it's a shitty place to work and you hopefully don't have to stick around long enough, and that you're now wiser than you were before.
But remember. You're a homosexual because you are choosing to allow yourself to be happy. You CAN live a heterosexual life, but you know that you have the right to the pursuit of happiness like everyone else. A lot of gay activists will tell you to march to your Manager and set her straight. But your only obligation is to your SELF. People like me want to fight for people like you, and my boyfriend. I'll be outspoken so you don't have to.
But I need you to make the attempt worthwhile. You need to do WHATEVER it takes to be happy.
Vin, you're a great friend. I'm proud of you man.
<3