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This has been a rough beginning of the year
7 years ago
This Will Be A Public Service Rambling;
Commissions Are Closed!!
First, during like.. pretty much the entire month of december we were fighting bed bugs, had to get a hotel for two nights because they were fucking everywhere.
THEN classes start and my teacher is an asshole and doesn't order out text books
and then the worst thing happened
On Friday, January 11th, my cat Dusty died. She was fine when I woke up to get something to drink at 3:30, but at 7am my mom found her lying int he kitchen not breathing.
She was only 12 years old. Probably a good chunk of life for a cat but it was jsut.. it was too soon and it hurts too bad.
It still hurts. I can still feel her in my arms not moving, i can still remember how ti felt when her hea d jsut jsut flopped back over my arm with no support. it's so bad that I cant evne do that motion anymore without remembering it
and i could feel how cold her llittle ears were
that was the worst god damn moment of my life and oyu knwo what
im still not over it. I'm functioning but thats really all anyone's getting out of me.
fake it until you make it as they say but i honestly don't know when im going to make it
still now i wish i could jsut go to sleep, wake up take pills and go back to sleep but i jsut gave uncc 5k to take classes so i don't have a choice.
i guess i could've dropped them but it's too late for that too.
i just wish she didn't have to go.
and i keep wondering if i couldve done more for her, coudl i have helped her, was she in pain, all these thigns all the time and now Goldie's sick too and i jsut really don't evne want to do anyhting anymore.
and it's like... i know they don't mean it but when people ask if i had any other pets, i tell them i have 5 others and i cna tell they're thinking "well it's just one out fo five" but you know, it's something special when you see them be born, when you deliver them, when you cut their cord. that bond goes deep and when it's ripped out of you like that it's jsut pure pain.
but anyway, i don't even know why im talking about this on here. i guess to get ti off my chest... again.
THEN classes start and my teacher is an asshole and doesn't order out text books
and then the worst thing happened
On Friday, January 11th, my cat Dusty died. She was fine when I woke up to get something to drink at 3:30, but at 7am my mom found her lying int he kitchen not breathing.
She was only 12 years old. Probably a good chunk of life for a cat but it was jsut.. it was too soon and it hurts too bad.
It still hurts. I can still feel her in my arms not moving, i can still remember how ti felt when her hea d jsut jsut flopped back over my arm with no support. it's so bad that I cant evne do that motion anymore without remembering it
and i could feel how cold her llittle ears were
that was the worst god damn moment of my life and oyu knwo what
im still not over it. I'm functioning but thats really all anyone's getting out of me.
fake it until you make it as they say but i honestly don't know when im going to make it
still now i wish i could jsut go to sleep, wake up take pills and go back to sleep but i jsut gave uncc 5k to take classes so i don't have a choice.
i guess i could've dropped them but it's too late for that too.
i just wish she didn't have to go.
and i keep wondering if i couldve done more for her, coudl i have helped her, was she in pain, all these thigns all the time and now Goldie's sick too and i jsut really don't evne want to do anyhting anymore.
and it's like... i know they don't mean it but when people ask if i had any other pets, i tell them i have 5 others and i cna tell they're thinking "well it's just one out fo five" but you know, it's something special when you see them be born, when you deliver them, when you cut their cord. that bond goes deep and when it's ripped out of you like that it's jsut pure pain.
but anyway, i don't even know why im talking about this on here. i guess to get ti off my chest... again.
