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I'm sorry. I am a monster.
6 years ago
Its time I face the truth and stop hiding within every crack and shadow. Its time I face judgement for what I've done. I'm not a very good person, I'm a terrible friend and I feel no one should really like me. I am a bad guy, apparently. I can't hold conversations, I fail to be engaging, I don't really do many social things like playing videos games with people, and everyone assumes I hate them or something, when I just don't have many opinions on anything.
As a person right now, I'm lost, Im sad. I lost the my best friend / the person I really love during decemember because Im a terrible person who couldn't control his feelings. Lets face it I was abusive (mentally) and I don't deserve that person. I don't really deserve anyone. I never called him stupid or insult him, I tried to be supportive, but honestly I don't... remember any of the bad stuff I've ever did to the person. I just feel that I'm bad, and I lost my best friend, the person I love and I can't personally fill the void. I want him back, but he deserves better. I miss everything about him, but theres nothing there for me and everyone (his friends) consider me as a monster and they're right. He was the only thing that made me happy through... I miss all the good times I had with him, the friends I made, the adventures I had with him. Watching him to continue to grow as an artist, as a friend and spending time with him. I really miss that. I really miss him. Nothing can really fill this pain I am having. I'm a mess.
I just wanted to get this journal out there because I need to accept the fact that. I'm a mistake and I feel instead of bottling my feelings inside, why not let it out and recieve the full punishment of the people around me. Let people know, how I feel. I lost the love of my life because I can't mentally control my emotions and it allowed my world to crumble before me. I... I'm sorry. I miss you. I hate myself everyday cause I lost you. If only I could of been a better person. If only I wasn't me.
I miss him. So very much. I can't bare with the pain anymore. I am a monster.
As a person right now, I'm lost, Im sad. I lost the my best friend / the person I really love during decemember because Im a terrible person who couldn't control his feelings. Lets face it I was abusive (mentally) and I don't deserve that person. I don't really deserve anyone. I never called him stupid or insult him, I tried to be supportive, but honestly I don't... remember any of the bad stuff I've ever did to the person. I just feel that I'm bad, and I lost my best friend, the person I love and I can't personally fill the void. I want him back, but he deserves better. I miss everything about him, but theres nothing there for me and everyone (his friends) consider me as a monster and they're right. He was the only thing that made me happy through... I miss all the good times I had with him, the friends I made, the adventures I had with him. Watching him to continue to grow as an artist, as a friend and spending time with him. I really miss that. I really miss him. Nothing can really fill this pain I am having. I'm a mess.
I just wanted to get this journal out there because I need to accept the fact that. I'm a mistake and I feel instead of bottling my feelings inside, why not let it out and recieve the full punishment of the people around me. Let people know, how I feel. I lost the love of my life because I can't mentally control my emotions and it allowed my world to crumble before me. I... I'm sorry. I miss you. I hate myself everyday cause I lost you. If only I could of been a better person. If only I wasn't me.
I miss him. So very much. I can't bare with the pain anymore. I am a monster.
You're like any of us. You recognize what happened. It is unfortunate that it did happen, and I for one am sorry you had to go through that, but you have to take that and learn from it. There will be pain, and that pain may never fully go away, but you either let it destroy you, or you let it fortify you.
You recognize what has happened, now you have to make peace with that.