It takes me a long time to process things a lot. I wouldn't say that I am slow, just that my brain is... crowded. I have too many ideas, overthink things into oblivion, I have trouble just like...DOING it. Executive function disorder, I believe is the term. I have the desire, I have the time and opportunity, but some part of me just.. can't make that transition from not doing it to actually doing it.

I turn 35 this year. I'm not happy with how much I've created in the last few years. I have ideas, I have motivation, but... they never seem to go anywhere. I've talked about this before, and I feel like yes I have made progress, but something always seems to be lacking

I love my life. I finally have a good job, I have a beautiful wife, a decent home, a working car, some pets, some friends, you know... all that good stuff. But my inner creativity is screaming at me. I know I CAN, I know that I WANT TO, but I just... don't.

I've read a lot about the subject. I'm coming to a point where I realize the problem is the transition. Once I START working, I generally keep going for a while, even if I stumble a great deal along the way. But it's that one point between not working and working that seems to be the problem.

My life is kind of... chaotic. Not in like a literal way, but like... Things seem to keep happening unpredictably. It's hard to make a schedule when things don't happen according to a plan. Sure, I know what shift I'm going to work this week, and for the next like... four weeks, but I have almost no idea when I get home from work on these days. With my job, I could be home right when my shift ends, be done when my shift ends but have to drive an hour or more to get home, be STILL working two hours after my shift is over, or any number of scenarios basically preventing me from making plans after work.

I've been trying to do more in the mornings, as a result. Hence this post. I have been working more, both at my job and on art, though it is still really inconsistent and sporadic. I want to change that. I want to work on creative stuff every day. And not the kind I sometimes get stuck on, what with making meaningless lists of stuff that don't take the project anywhere, just clog it up with unnecessary details.

I want to do more, I want to BE more. I want my life to be about sharing what I think are my good ideas with you guys, whether their good stories, cool characters, awesome porn, or just little snippets that I think are funny or entertaining. I want to be a content creator, not a content consumer. I like to think I'm getting there, but... time will tell, I guess.

I love you guys, thanks for sticking around.