idk if it's just mental illness acting up or what but the last few days have been absolute hell. I can't stop crying every couple of hours, I've barely eaten, I can barely sleep.

I miss my boyfriend... I don't think I've ever missed someone this much without them passing away

I'm working like crazy to try to save up enough to move but after five weeks it's starting to seriously take it's toll on my health. But I also can't bring myself to slow down because every moment I'm not working is that much longer until I'm not on the opposite side of the world from him.. I've been chipping away at commissions and patreon content pretty much anytime I'm home, minus time to like eat and sleep and such. And that's on top of my other job and school. Hell I've even been slacking on my homework this semester because if I'm not working on art my anxiety won't stop screaming at me.

And you know, if every one of my watchers on FA gave me like $2 I could move and be out of here by spring. Just on FA! That's not even counting deviant art and tumblr. God, I'd be able to move before my birthday and actually celebrate with him instead of spending it alone in my room working on art. You have no idea how bad I want that and what I would do to move that soon...

I've been selling anything and everything I can find in all the junk my aunt left me that has any semblance of value. (It's honestly stuff I wouldn't want anyway, what the hell am I going to do with fancy horse statues or giant stuffed millennium bears)

I've even gone so far as to try selling things like used socks and panties (No one has bought any, which sucks for my wallet and my self esteem!)

I don't know what else to do... At the rate I'm going it'll take me another 8 or 9 months to have enough and I can't take feeling like this for that long. I don't want to be sad anymore. I just want to get out of this shit town full of nothing but bad memories and be close to the person I love.

I'd do almost anything to make that happen at this point.. I'm seriously desperate to make this happen as quickly as possible

I'm sorry for this long winded rant. And if it didn't make any sense, it's hard to really type coherently when you're sobbing all over your keyboard. My emotions took a really bad turn after I saw the chocolates he bought me sitting on my nightstand and I couldn't stop crying and just needed to get this out and talk to someone, the void, idk...