- tumblr accidentally deletes itself

- youtube globally bans comments to increase advertiser friendliness

- fa promises to update its ancient framework; does nothing

- nintendo announces 2020 as year of bowser - makes 6 bowser games

- internet speed slows to a crawl internationally due to 3,000,000 terrabyte influx of bowser porn

- bowser's ass crashes through your monitor, killing you instantly

- everything is black

- you wake up in a wagon

- "hey, you. you're finally awake. you were trying to cross the border, right?"