FA+
Shop
Battle Within
6 years ago
Arwyn's Ramblings
The battle I constantly fight is wearing me down. I know many others struggle with the same thing and I'm not alone, yet somehow it doesn't make it any better. I wish I could fix the world and everyone in it.
It sometimes takes me hours to get out of bed, some days I sleep through most of it. There are some days I don't sleep at all and doze for only an hour or two then move on throughout the day.
The chronic pain and illnesses hold me back but I have to push through it to keep everything afloat. My family won't do it.
I haven't been able to eat very much lately. The sorrow takes away my appetite.
I feel as though I have no one, even though I know I do it still feels like I'm excluded and unwanted. So many of my family and friends have hurt me in unimaginable ways. The ones who haven't are there but I can't help but feel like the black sheep in the herd. The one everyone turns to for help/support but put on the back burner for everything else. I'm not included in anything nor favorited. Looked upon or down upon, just the background person.
My relationship isn't as strong as it used to be, I want it to be but it seems like I'm not seen of importance anymore - or that's the way my mind perceives it. We've been doing nothing but fighting and let it be known that it hurts, I'll just be told I'm trying to pick another fight. It seems like every time I express myself to those I want to hear me most, I'm shot down. Lately I've just been keeping to myself.
I go above and beyond for my loved ones' needs and wants, only to be cast aside. I struggle every day to keep my cool with my stepson, no matter how many times I'm disrespected and yelled at. I'm tired and sore at the end of the day but never hear how I'm appreciated. I just feel so used, lonely, and beaten down.
This battle I fight tears me apart on a daily basis and I feel like I don't have anyone to put me back together again. Everyone I'm surrounded by is toxic to me. As I lay here I ponder the importance of fighting on but then again that age-old question pops up in my head.. 'what's the point?'
It sometimes takes me hours to get out of bed, some days I sleep through most of it. There are some days I don't sleep at all and doze for only an hour or two then move on throughout the day.
The chronic pain and illnesses hold me back but I have to push through it to keep everything afloat. My family won't do it.
I haven't been able to eat very much lately. The sorrow takes away my appetite.
I feel as though I have no one, even though I know I do it still feels like I'm excluded and unwanted. So many of my family and friends have hurt me in unimaginable ways. The ones who haven't are there but I can't help but feel like the black sheep in the herd. The one everyone turns to for help/support but put on the back burner for everything else. I'm not included in anything nor favorited. Looked upon or down upon, just the background person.
My relationship isn't as strong as it used to be, I want it to be but it seems like I'm not seen of importance anymore - or that's the way my mind perceives it. We've been doing nothing but fighting and let it be known that it hurts, I'll just be told I'm trying to pick another fight. It seems like every time I express myself to those I want to hear me most, I'm shot down. Lately I've just been keeping to myself.
I go above and beyond for my loved ones' needs and wants, only to be cast aside. I struggle every day to keep my cool with my stepson, no matter how many times I'm disrespected and yelled at. I'm tired and sore at the end of the day but never hear how I'm appreciated. I just feel so used, lonely, and beaten down.
This battle I fight tears me apart on a daily basis and I feel like I don't have anyone to put me back together again. Everyone I'm surrounded by is toxic to me. As I lay here I ponder the importance of fighting on but then again that age-old question pops up in my head.. 'what's the point?'
Werekatwolf
~werekatwolf
OP
*hugs tight* I will gladly accept :3 thank you Aleister
