[This was my attempt to make light of last night's situation. Figure I would be honest.]

So, yeah, last night, for anyone who say, I posted some disturbing tweets. Followed by the FA journal, I realized that my friends who knew what was going on panic and those who didn't worry. I appreciate the help for everyone who got in contact with me again.

I do not remember a lot of who I said to what, but I want to let you know that I will be okay.

Something hit me two nights ago. I was at DnD with a group a friends when I just started to panic. As I was drawing and letting my pencil do what it does (barf on the paper, and I mean that in a jokey, positive way). I wasn't playing this round, because I want to do something fun for a later story idea with the character I will make up. But since I was kinda there with nothing to do, I would thought I read. Brought the animator survival kit to read and started learning about animation and things.

But as I read the book, I started to freak out. It wasn't that the material was hard. If anything, its just taking old tools and applying them with new concepts. But I was freaking out because there was just so much of it. It was so much information that my brain tried to process it all at once and I felt like a bot as their brain shorts out.

Given how I am still relatively new with tablet art, and figure drawing, and.... I guess in general, I just felt out of my league and had another panic attack. On top of that, looking at the game I was missing and the socialness of the situation in front of me. I just feel like I do not have the time or attention span to focus on one thing.

This was my thought process that night, and as it just went further and further, I had to stop reading the book and do something else, tried drawing, tried listening to music, tried not doing anything. Nope, mind lost to racing thoughts.

I sometimes feel like I constantly lose battles to pictures in my own head and never really know how to say it. I am also afraid to say it because I feel that if I do get help in the form of medication or something, I might no longer think of the fun situations and lose out on my creativity. I know that medication really DOESN'T do that (a common thing I have seen in shows is people who are weird and fun start taking a medication or make a change and quickly flip into a boring dullard and everyone misses the fun person. An aside, but I have always wanted to see something like that done from the perspective of the person given the drugs rather than the others.). But even knowing that medication doesn't do that, I still have doubt.

I do not know if this rambling makes anyone feel better about my situation. Hell, I am sure that what I was trying to imply here was obvious. I didn't mean to worry anyone, its just. I guess I feel like have a massive inferiority complex and just do not know how to word my problems. I always imply some kinda vagueness and I do not know why I do it even when it is a serious moment and getting to the point is crucial.

Sorry to everyone who tried to help or at least worried about me. Hell, sorry to anyone who is confused.

I just sometimes wish I could think straight for one minute.