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I can’t do this anymore
6 years ago
I’m just sick and tired of trying to be so f*cking perfect and I’m tried of people getting onto me about what I should eat, what I look like, what I want, or what I should do. I’ve been hurting for far to long and I just can’t stand it anymore more. Honestly sometimes I feel like I’m suffocating. I’m constantly reminded about my weight, about my living situation, and about mistakes I’ve made that aren’t even that big of a deal. I’ve been getting this from all sides of the spectrum. I feel like I can’t say anything anymore without someone lashing out at me, that’s why I’m always so quiet and scared to say anything. I want my voice to be heard without fear of someone making me feel like I shouldn’t say anything. Have i said things that someone isn’t going to agree with YES but I shouldn’t be crucified for saying something every time I open my dam mouth. I’ve cried so much and I’ve done things to myself that I’m not proud of because of how I’ve been feeling. I know because of that I’ve been unknowingly hurt those Im closest too and I’m so very sorry to them. Not only that Sadly I’ve lost a few friends over miss understanding or miss communications and over a situation that got out of hand. I really do miss them, I don’t know if we can make things right and rebuild our friendships or if our relationships are just done. I’m hoping that those friends that I have lost read this and reach out to me so we can talk and fix everything with a good note.
People make mistakes, make wrong choices, accidents happen, and sometimes don’t think at all. That’s how we learn and grow (thats for all ages). Am I guilty for all of these things yes some more than others. I’m just like everyone else thats what I want people to know. I will admit I’m slower then a lot of people and it takes time (long or short depends ) for me to get something right. I know I have faults that I might never overcome. But one thing is for certain, I’m done pretending that I’m ok and that I’m done feeling scared all the f*cking time. Do I need to work at this yes and will it take time yes. I will do what I need to do so I can be the person I want to be.
Ps wrote this with out my glasses so if there is a typo or something that doesn’t make sense sorry about that.
People make mistakes, make wrong choices, accidents happen, and sometimes don’t think at all. That’s how we learn and grow (thats for all ages). Am I guilty for all of these things yes some more than others. I’m just like everyone else thats what I want people to know. I will admit I’m slower then a lot of people and it takes time (long or short depends ) for me to get something right. I know I have faults that I might never overcome. But one thing is for certain, I’m done pretending that I’m ok and that I’m done feeling scared all the f*cking time. Do I need to work at this yes and will it take time yes. I will do what I need to do so I can be the person I want to be.
Ps wrote this with out my glasses so if there is a typo or something that doesn’t make sense sorry about that.
or suspected all that from you. I had no idea,
that you were going through all that. I am so
sorry... You sound so much like me, because I
can relate to so much of that. No one can ever
be perfect, it's impossible. If everyone was perfect,
no one would learn or grow and would not have
to worry about anything.... Whoever thinks that,
doesn't know what they are talking about. Those
who say all these things to you, are discriminating
and being judgmental towards you. It's sad and
messed up, I freaking can't stand people like that.
I am not sure what else to say, other than I am glad
You opened up with this and spoke your mind. You are
right about a lot of what you said. Screw the people who
give you crap for it, they don't care how you feel. But I do
care about you feel and that's because, I understand and
know. *Hugs* I like you just the way you are and I would
never expect you to change anything about yourself.
You are a really great guy.
Ps, I miss you buddy.