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Venting.....
6 years ago
Yup. This is my Destiny.
siiiigh---
Sorry to rant here but I guess I wanted to type somewhere public but not so public as twitter. Just feeling especially low today as it sorta dawned on me that my friend for many years just.....isn't my friend anymore. It's been about a year since I've seen her and I forgot to wish her happy birthday (even just online) and she hasn't done the same. Back when we talked/saw eachother we got into a few fights. The last time we were face to face is when I stayed one week at her house.
All was GREAT except for the last day.
On the final day, we were in the city and she was meeting up with a friend for some pokemon stuff. Now while I don't like pokemon I thought: "Oh, ok this is fine. We'll do some pokemon things and then other stuff too." But nah.....it was when pokemon Go first came out so we spent all day in the FREEZING cold walking around the city for pokemon. We diiiid go to a gamestop at the end which was nice but due to the weather and having spent the WHOLE day on pokemon things (which I don't care for) naturally I was upset.
So we got into a fight about it and now we haven't talked much since. A silly thing to get upset about, but I guess it just NOW dawns on me about how final this all is. We'd been friends/roommates for years.....but....it's all gone. And don't get me wrong, we had other issues besides the pokemon thing haha----but that was the last 'straw' I guess. Sad considering that the WHOLE week I had spent with her was great save for that last day......
The ironic thing is, if we were ever to meet up again she'd just act like everything is ok and carry on normally. Part of me likes that, while another part would want to confront her on our previous issues. Buuut that's just it.....I'm a coward at heart. I never contact ANYONE....even if we're on GOOD terms. I'm always doing comms in my room or IRL work in an office.....but not much else goes on for me. I'm just too afraid to message someone or even text casually. I've pushed so many people away.........nearly everyone I've ever known because of this. People I didn't even MEAN to push away unlike with my friend mentioned above. At least with her I knew 'why' it ended.
I'm nearing 30 and I still don't know how to pick up the phone and call someone socially XD I am pathetic...but.....I guess all this solitude gives me time to work on art. I do want to get better, but idk if I ever will. Idk what i can do. Haven't been to the movies in over a year cause I don't have anyone who lives less than two hours away to go with. @_@
Again, sorry for the rant. Just needed to vent (obviously). I'm super grateful for everyone here. FA has got to be the FRIENDLIEST site for artists I've come across. I know there's BS here (As there is everywhere) but my personal experience has been very positive. Thank you all for that.
Sorry to rant here but I guess I wanted to type somewhere public but not so public as twitter. Just feeling especially low today as it sorta dawned on me that my friend for many years just.....isn't my friend anymore. It's been about a year since I've seen her and I forgot to wish her happy birthday (even just online) and she hasn't done the same. Back when we talked/saw eachother we got into a few fights. The last time we were face to face is when I stayed one week at her house.
All was GREAT except for the last day.
On the final day, we were in the city and she was meeting up with a friend for some pokemon stuff. Now while I don't like pokemon I thought: "Oh, ok this is fine. We'll do some pokemon things and then other stuff too." But nah.....it was when pokemon Go first came out so we spent all day in the FREEZING cold walking around the city for pokemon. We diiiid go to a gamestop at the end which was nice but due to the weather and having spent the WHOLE day on pokemon things (which I don't care for) naturally I was upset.
So we got into a fight about it and now we haven't talked much since. A silly thing to get upset about, but I guess it just NOW dawns on me about how final this all is. We'd been friends/roommates for years.....but....it's all gone. And don't get me wrong, we had other issues besides the pokemon thing haha----but that was the last 'straw' I guess. Sad considering that the WHOLE week I had spent with her was great save for that last day......
The ironic thing is, if we were ever to meet up again she'd just act like everything is ok and carry on normally. Part of me likes that, while another part would want to confront her on our previous issues. Buuut that's just it.....I'm a coward at heart. I never contact ANYONE....even if we're on GOOD terms. I'm always doing comms in my room or IRL work in an office.....but not much else goes on for me. I'm just too afraid to message someone or even text casually. I've pushed so many people away.........nearly everyone I've ever known because of this. People I didn't even MEAN to push away unlike with my friend mentioned above. At least with her I knew 'why' it ended.
I'm nearing 30 and I still don't know how to pick up the phone and call someone socially XD I am pathetic...but.....I guess all this solitude gives me time to work on art. I do want to get better, but idk if I ever will. Idk what i can do. Haven't been to the movies in over a year cause I don't have anyone who lives less than two hours away to go with. @_@
Again, sorry for the rant. Just needed to vent (obviously). I'm super grateful for everyone here. FA has got to be the FRIENDLIEST site for artists I've come across. I know there's BS here (As there is everywhere) but my personal experience has been very positive. Thank you all for that.
Only real advice I can give on the one friend is just bit the bullet and try to talk to them over the phone and see if they'll actually talk to you about all of it and hear your feelings on it. I usually figure most people won't listen because they don't want to hear the truth, because at this point it's kind of one of those situations where you figure there's nothing much you can really loose at this point.
The worst is that I do this to people whom I've had no quarrels with (or at least few). Folks who for whatever reason....I'm too afraid to talk to.....idk.....I'm just feeling a lot of stuff right now. I think this problem might be bigger than I realized. Perhaps I will look into seeing someone about this. Still, I do appreciate you taking the time to respond <3 thank you.
And I've had that same thing happen as well. There's been at least one or two friends that I've told how I felt and everything that's gone on and they've actually attempted to make an effort with things. But I still feel I have to keep them at arms length because it's just easier that way anymore. Hell I've thought about going to some kind of counseling or something, but I figure I'd just end up hearing what I'd already know and/or get meds pushed onto me to "help" things. For me it's always been semi easier to talk to people that I believe care at least somewhat, compared to someone where it's just their job.
That being said, nothing stopping you contacting them and testing the water. If you dont feel comfortable with over the phone (i certainly dont) then pop a message asking how they are doing or something. I hope things get better!
And in terms of socializing I am the same. I don't often write people or call them. The only advice I can give you, is to do it as often as you can though. I have to interact with people at work and with friends often via phone, SMS, mail or chat and the more often you do it, the more you get used to it and it feels not so unpleasant anymore. It took me a long ass time to figure that out, but it's easier for me today to start interactions myself and it certainly mostly feels good.
I know what you mean, how this little annoying things can influence your whole day. I also think too often about it and it effects my mood. I try to throw this thoughts from me or distract myself with something more nice. Bad episodes happen and it's hard to not think about it, but the more you try the more possible it is you can leave it behind you and focus on more plesant things again.
You mustn't be extremely active on certain platforms of course, but like mentioned, the more you socially interact, the less uncomfortable it feels. At least I made that experience. And it's my pleasure, I try to support at least a bit, when I can.