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Furnal Equinox 2019 Part I: What Have I Done?
6 years ago
This was a very different furcon for me. It was actually 3 different cons all at once, somehow. I don't really know how I kept my head on through it all. For my journals this year, I'm splitting them by topic instead of chronology. To start with, I'm going to tell you about a friend I brought along who has never been to one of these shindigs before. For privacy's sake, I'm going to call him John.
When one of our usual roommates informed us he unfortunately couldn't come to FE this year, I thought about a local friend who, for better or worse, has not had much happen in his life for a while and who has tried his hand at art with little incentive from his family or friends to keep at it. He's a brother to someone I've known since high school. He was the first My Little Pony fan I knew personally as I was getting into the series. When I thought about all of the people who live around me who might be interested in the con, he was the most obvious choice. He could meet other MLP fans, and he could meet artists of all types, and it would be a trip to a totally new place.
All the same, it's a furry convention. Most of my friends here don't know I'm a furry, and inviting him along would raise questions from the others. So first I had to ask myself if I was comfortable with anyone and everyone knowing that.
The answer was a pretty obvious "yes." I go out of my way to not mention the types of commissions I draw and characters I write about, but if anyone would ask me point-blank "do you draw animal people?" I would tell them the truth. But so far, no one has ever asked the question. Probably because it's not something that occurs to most people to ask, and I'm being typically paranoid to think otherwise. I also don't feel like it's appropriate to wave my furry stuff in people's faces. I've barely managed to promote my UTC comic to friends, and that's technically only furry-adjacent.
So, I invited John. I explained what kind of con it was. He's been to anime cons (and I had thought also Brony cons, but I was mistaken) so not all of it would be new to him. He said sure; he was eager for a new experience. Life in this neck of the woods can get very dull and monotonous.
On the drive there, among other topics, we talked about the typical stigma of "furries only go to cons for sex". I told him I wasn't very in touch with my sexuality but that I knew and hung out with a few artists who drew and wrote adult-themed stuff and that I did have an interest for that kind of thing. He said he knew enough about the fandom to know not to expect orgies in the hotel rooms, and that even if there were, he wasn't going to judge and he felt safe that I wouldn't put him in any awkward situations.
I did not live up to that level of trust.
For much of the con I found myself at a loss for how to introduce him to everyone I knew. I hadn't considered how unfamiliar John was with socializing outside his hometown group, and I hadn't considered the perception that I was prying into everyone else's activities by bringing this guy who was "not one of us" to meet all my furry artist friends. I failed to start and facilitate discussions. I didn't want to hold his hand or order him around, but he didn't know what to do most of the time. And when he did get to have a real conversation about art, he had no idea what to say because he'd never actually DISCUSSED making art with anyone like this. Nobody had taken an interest in what he drew back home.
That's not to say people weren't welcoming. Everyone was very polite and cheerful, but it was clear I'd brought someone who wasn't "in" with the club. I wanted to jump in and coax more dialogue between John and others, but I held back out of fear that I'd just make things worse. He sat alone often...while I prattled on about my webcomic over and over, too cowardly to just pull him over and interrupt the whole group by saying "I know this is asking a lot, but would anybody like to give my friend art advice?"
Things picked up, though. As I was fretting over the thought that I'd talked him into a monumental waste of his money and time, he returned from a solo trip to the dealer's den with a few beautiful art prints. We took several walks around the den together and met a lot of artists for the first time. We went to a great "how to make webcomics" panel that he got some advice out of. Every night he joined our roommate
MatthiasRat and I in rousing games of Betrayal. He said he was enjoying himself.
He was certainly enjoying the food. Toronto restaurants are the best. <3 And when we dined with a group he seemed to hit it off with folks in chats about video games or some other general geekery.
I thought I'd made a gigantic mistake by bringing him along to the transformation after-dark panel. I hadn't realized just how desensitized I've become to discussions about really intimate subjects. Now, I thought the panel was really good. (I'll be devoting a big chunk of another journal to that later.) John was weirded out, but he said he found it fascinating, from a dispassionate perspective, that folks could be so specific and creative about fetish stuff.
Afterward, he was extremely polite about me blindsiding him with the panel, as it wasn't until *I* brought up the elephant in the room that he criticized me for saying earlier that I didn't go very far into the sexual side of the fandom. But again, he didn't judge me or anyone else for it. It just wasn't HIS thing and I apologized for involving him.
I really didn't evaluate just how far into this fandom I've come over the years and how hard I was pulling my novice friend in. Like I said before, I have nothing I feel like hiding anymore. I have no sense of shame for the stuff that I like. But that doesn't give me the right to expose a friend who isn't into my weird TF stuff to the full extent of that interest.
On the drive home, he told me he really did have a fun time, and that he'd learned a whole new perspective he couldn't quite understand, but he appreciated. We concluded that his experience at a furcon as an outsider and passive observer was like going on an anthropomorphic safari.
We talked more thoughtfully about his art, and I learned more about his motivations to make art and ways he's explored art. We talked about a lot of things I should have thought to ask him about BEFORE the trip, honestly. But ultimately, it seemed like this was a good primer for him just getting to see and talk with other artists both professional and amateur. It pulled the curtain back on how enriching and diverse art is as a hobby.
I still don't know if I did the right thing by inviting him along. I'm relieved it didn't go badly for him. I'm going to do more to encourage and support him artistically. But I think he's fine with not attending any more furcons.
- - -
In Part II - a general summary of the fun times we had that weekend and the friends we had them with.
When one of our usual roommates informed us he unfortunately couldn't come to FE this year, I thought about a local friend who, for better or worse, has not had much happen in his life for a while and who has tried his hand at art with little incentive from his family or friends to keep at it. He's a brother to someone I've known since high school. He was the first My Little Pony fan I knew personally as I was getting into the series. When I thought about all of the people who live around me who might be interested in the con, he was the most obvious choice. He could meet other MLP fans, and he could meet artists of all types, and it would be a trip to a totally new place.
All the same, it's a furry convention. Most of my friends here don't know I'm a furry, and inviting him along would raise questions from the others. So first I had to ask myself if I was comfortable with anyone and everyone knowing that.
The answer was a pretty obvious "yes." I go out of my way to not mention the types of commissions I draw and characters I write about, but if anyone would ask me point-blank "do you draw animal people?" I would tell them the truth. But so far, no one has ever asked the question. Probably because it's not something that occurs to most people to ask, and I'm being typically paranoid to think otherwise. I also don't feel like it's appropriate to wave my furry stuff in people's faces. I've barely managed to promote my UTC comic to friends, and that's technically only furry-adjacent.
So, I invited John. I explained what kind of con it was. He's been to anime cons (and I had thought also Brony cons, but I was mistaken) so not all of it would be new to him. He said sure; he was eager for a new experience. Life in this neck of the woods can get very dull and monotonous.
On the drive there, among other topics, we talked about the typical stigma of "furries only go to cons for sex". I told him I wasn't very in touch with my sexuality but that I knew and hung out with a few artists who drew and wrote adult-themed stuff and that I did have an interest for that kind of thing. He said he knew enough about the fandom to know not to expect orgies in the hotel rooms, and that even if there were, he wasn't going to judge and he felt safe that I wouldn't put him in any awkward situations.
I did not live up to that level of trust.
For much of the con I found myself at a loss for how to introduce him to everyone I knew. I hadn't considered how unfamiliar John was with socializing outside his hometown group, and I hadn't considered the perception that I was prying into everyone else's activities by bringing this guy who was "not one of us" to meet all my furry artist friends. I failed to start and facilitate discussions. I didn't want to hold his hand or order him around, but he didn't know what to do most of the time. And when he did get to have a real conversation about art, he had no idea what to say because he'd never actually DISCUSSED making art with anyone like this. Nobody had taken an interest in what he drew back home.
That's not to say people weren't welcoming. Everyone was very polite and cheerful, but it was clear I'd brought someone who wasn't "in" with the club. I wanted to jump in and coax more dialogue between John and others, but I held back out of fear that I'd just make things worse. He sat alone often...while I prattled on about my webcomic over and over, too cowardly to just pull him over and interrupt the whole group by saying "I know this is asking a lot, but would anybody like to give my friend art advice?"
Things picked up, though. As I was fretting over the thought that I'd talked him into a monumental waste of his money and time, he returned from a solo trip to the dealer's den with a few beautiful art prints. We took several walks around the den together and met a lot of artists for the first time. We went to a great "how to make webcomics" panel that he got some advice out of. Every night he joined our roommate
MatthiasRat and I in rousing games of Betrayal. He said he was enjoying himself.He was certainly enjoying the food. Toronto restaurants are the best. <3 And when we dined with a group he seemed to hit it off with folks in chats about video games or some other general geekery.
I thought I'd made a gigantic mistake by bringing him along to the transformation after-dark panel. I hadn't realized just how desensitized I've become to discussions about really intimate subjects. Now, I thought the panel was really good. (I'll be devoting a big chunk of another journal to that later.) John was weirded out, but he said he found it fascinating, from a dispassionate perspective, that folks could be so specific and creative about fetish stuff.
Afterward, he was extremely polite about me blindsiding him with the panel, as it wasn't until *I* brought up the elephant in the room that he criticized me for saying earlier that I didn't go very far into the sexual side of the fandom. But again, he didn't judge me or anyone else for it. It just wasn't HIS thing and I apologized for involving him.
I really didn't evaluate just how far into this fandom I've come over the years and how hard I was pulling my novice friend in. Like I said before, I have nothing I feel like hiding anymore. I have no sense of shame for the stuff that I like. But that doesn't give me the right to expose a friend who isn't into my weird TF stuff to the full extent of that interest.
On the drive home, he told me he really did have a fun time, and that he'd learned a whole new perspective he couldn't quite understand, but he appreciated. We concluded that his experience at a furcon as an outsider and passive observer was like going on an anthropomorphic safari.
We talked more thoughtfully about his art, and I learned more about his motivations to make art and ways he's explored art. We talked about a lot of things I should have thought to ask him about BEFORE the trip, honestly. But ultimately, it seemed like this was a good primer for him just getting to see and talk with other artists both professional and amateur. It pulled the curtain back on how enriching and diverse art is as a hobby.
I still don't know if I did the right thing by inviting him along. I'm relieved it didn't go badly for him. I'm going to do more to encourage and support him artistically. But I think he's fine with not attending any more furcons.
- - -
In Part II - a general summary of the fun times we had that weekend and the friends we had them with.
Dominus tecum