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That feeling of worthlessness...
6 years ago
... So after coming home from a longish job trip today to a locale about an hour from Jekyll Island, GA (a resort I once visited for a student leadership expo for high schoolers).
Well it had me looking back on my recent accomplishments... or rather the sheer lack of any. My longtime BFF, who attended it with me in High school is now in California likely with a good job now. A couple other old friends are living a couple states away themselves and are probably well off as well.
That leaves me. A 31yo (soon to be 32 in 3months) who is still staying with his mother just idling the days away in-between working a shitty deadend job just to scrape together enough cash to take yet another shot at my college pursuits.
. . . . . . .
For 8 years I haven't done shit and it's really making me feel depressed both for my complete inaction and for allowing myself to get into that situation in the first place (Ergo: Not taking college seriously enough - which resulting in me losing my FAFSA so I can't afford tuition without another income source).
Meanwhile several of my classmates and friends are now working their careers or are at least close to reaching them; I'm only roughly 60% there and it feels like I will probably be approaching 40 by the time I get there. If at all...
Naturally, this really has me in a state of self loathing.
...I once wanted to visit that resort again... if not move near the beach or back to my birthtown in North Carolina after that day 15 years ago. Seeing myself at this day and still haven't done so really makes me feel like I'm worthless. And this rural hole-in-the-wall of a town isn't helping my mood either.
I know getting a career ASAP after grade school is overblown stigma put on both by peers and older generations. But the fact that I messed up back then when I easily could have completed my studies by my 25th birthday is really eating at me still. And letting literally a quarter of my current life be lived as a NEET isn't helping.
... That's all I have to say for now. I'm trying to get better, I managed to land a job after all these years of failed attempts... but it feels so easy to get discouraged. I know I have moved past my absolute worst a long time ago (I once contemplated suicide), but I think this is the kind of thing that can push more vulnerable people over that threshold...
Well it had me looking back on my recent accomplishments... or rather the sheer lack of any. My longtime BFF, who attended it with me in High school is now in California likely with a good job now. A couple other old friends are living a couple states away themselves and are probably well off as well.
That leaves me. A 31yo (soon to be 32 in 3months) who is still staying with his mother just idling the days away in-between working a shitty deadend job just to scrape together enough cash to take yet another shot at my college pursuits.
. . . . . . .
For 8 years I haven't done shit and it's really making me feel depressed both for my complete inaction and for allowing myself to get into that situation in the first place (Ergo: Not taking college seriously enough - which resulting in me losing my FAFSA so I can't afford tuition without another income source).
Meanwhile several of my classmates and friends are now working their careers or are at least close to reaching them; I'm only roughly 60% there and it feels like I will probably be approaching 40 by the time I get there. If at all...
Naturally, this really has me in a state of self loathing.
...I once wanted to visit that resort again... if not move near the beach or back to my birthtown in North Carolina after that day 15 years ago. Seeing myself at this day and still haven't done so really makes me feel like I'm worthless. And this rural hole-in-the-wall of a town isn't helping my mood either.
I know getting a career ASAP after grade school is overblown stigma put on both by peers and older generations. But the fact that I messed up back then when I easily could have completed my studies by my 25th birthday is really eating at me still. And letting literally a quarter of my current life be lived as a NEET isn't helping.
... That's all I have to say for now. I'm trying to get better, I managed to land a job after all these years of failed attempts... but it feels so easy to get discouraged. I know I have moved past my absolute worst a long time ago (I once contemplated suicide), but I think this is the kind of thing that can push more vulnerable people over that threshold...
Anyway I'm up for a conversation if you want, just send a note or whatever you mainly use.
i can't help you feel better, i'm just a random guy in the netherlands.... but for what its worth, start with changing little things in your life that will help you getting to feel better. Little victories pool together and might make you feel better
I know some have said that I'm doing better for myself in spite of my predicament because I actually went out and landed a job. So there's that if nothing else.
At least you're trying to live your life, I'm still feeling guilty for doing nothing in the past 8 years. Still I do applaud you for at least doing better than I have so far.