See what's hot on Instagram. Pay attention to new art meme's and do your own take. Like a couple weeks back Wendy's introduced an anime version of Wendy. Hop on stuff like that. Yeah it's kinda dumb but if it gets you attention it gets you attention.

honestly i dont even have time or energy to do more than I'm doing. I tried drawing all sorts of popular stuff, characters that are being talked about, all that. never worked.
and it's even worse to bet on it instead of working on commissions. when i bet on it to help me, it never does.
been trying to get more following on instagram, havent worked either
none of that works for me, not when my art isnt good enough.

Your art is great. It just takes persistence. Sometimes it takes a while. Having a successful art career isn't an overnight thing. I know maybe that's annoying or frustrating to hear but the whole 'my art sucks' thing is bullshit. That's just your depression lying to you. Now-there's still time to get a different job and do something different but even if you have to that doesn't mean you should give up on art or on yourself. A lot of what you're struggling against is your depression. Maybe this is the universe's way of telling you that you need to stop and get help. Work on being kinder to you. Reach out and ask others for help because you're a good person and deserve to look after yourself and your mental health.

You're a good person, Artsy. You are worth being helped and finding a way to love yourself more.

That's really kind of you to say, but I'm not hoping it will happen overnight. I've been drawings since I was 9, and have been working nonstop, every day, for more than 2 years now, almost 3.
I hope this isnt the way the universe is telling me to take care of myself, because my situation makes it so i can't afford to not work, I cant afford to take breaks, cant afford relaxing, self care, any of it.
I do ask for help, everywhere. It's never been enough. None of what I do is ever enough, and I stop, not only I won't be making enough of what I need, because i'm so naturally lazy it makes harder for me to get back to work.
that's how it was happen whenever I try to allow myself to rest. It's never enough, never relaxing and makes it harder for me to get back to work.
It's really hard to be positive in anyway when i'm locked in this situation in every way.

And the thing is, not only I can't possibly be interested in any other job (i tried college for 5 years, two different courses), and art is the only thing I could ever put that much effort into, the ONLY reason I'm making enough to pay bills and feed my family is because I'm working on commissions and being paid in dollars. So i must keep working with this. I'm getting paid better than most of my friends who finished college.
The to get too much into this matter, problem with unemployment, terrible lackluster job opportunities, laughable minimum wage (and terrible jobs that pay even less than that) makes it so I'm actually lucky i get to work with it, and it makes it so I'm the one who provides most of our income here....
So I'm truly stuck in this situation, for all the reasons.

Sorry for venting so much though. You're right that I deserve better than this.
Thank you so much for the kind words, despite of me being so negative all the time. I appreciate that you care. Thank you.

It's OK. I know it's not easy and not as simple as just saying, "Do this or do that." I guess I'm just hoping things work out and that you don't hurt yourself. Not just because I love your art and the paintings you did for Silv but because you really do seem like a good person who should love themselves. I do know it's hard though and I'm a bit of a hypocrite because there are SO many times I'm down on myself, hate myself, wish I were dead, etc. I've been disabled since 2006, can't go anywhere, can't make money, can't draw hardly ever...I feel worthless a lot so I really do understand where you're at.

I know I'm worth it and sometimes can manage to believe it. I know I've gotten better but yeah there's a lot of pressure because despite my income from SSI we're surviving week to week. Just please know you're not alone.