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Personal drama time
6 years ago
As some of you in my circle may have noticed, I'm going through a bit of a personal crisis. It's making me wonder about who I am as a person and where I should be in life and if any of it is worth trying to change or not.
See, I'm (supposedly) a Christian who's felt really guilty about being a gay furry for like... ever. I know most of us here are 100% ok with their preference of partner, but i'm not. According to every preacher I've seen, being gay is a sin, and that if I keep looking at the nsfw stuff at least, I'll go to hell. i'm also pretty sure being into animal people is a sin, or at least super frowned upon by the general populace. I've even heard some of my online normie friends refer to us as goat f'ers, so I know that will be an issue if I even accidentally change my avatar. I'm scared that someone would find out about all my furry stuff if I continue being in the fandom (if it isn't already too late) and expose me and ruin my life because I was different. And I can't be like "at least I'll have my furry friends" because... am I supposed to have them either? I mean, one of my favorite groups on telegram is all dudes who post nsfw multiple times a day... but I feel super bad thinking about abandoning ship just because a guy in the sky told me to maybe. But It's my soul that's at stake... right? Is that selfish?
I've also heard a lot of furs who I asked for advice from say "as a former Christian, I think...." Those words terrify me. Am I going to have to give up my religion just to be happy? Or is being happy a sin like my brain keeps telling me? I'm so stuck.
I wanted to keep this to myself, but I need help. I don't know who to go to though. Going to a furry just seemed to upset them, and I know going to a normie would just confuse them. So I'm just gonna scream my feelings at both and hope the mixed responses will gel into something better than sitting around feeling sorry for myself.
Thanks.
===== Notes =====
[Update 5/23] "I can see how the furry fantsy can be weird to most, but I don't see how it's their business to judge. I'm not assaulting or betraying or corrupting anyone. If anything, I'm too afraid of relationships in general to even think about doing anything NSFW with anyone in the first place. So if it's keeping me from doing stuff like having sex out side of marriage or whatever isn't that a good thing?" - Excerpt from a conversation with a friend
See, I'm (supposedly) a Christian who's felt really guilty about being a gay furry for like... ever. I know most of us here are 100% ok with their preference of partner, but i'm not. According to every preacher I've seen, being gay is a sin, and that if I keep looking at the nsfw stuff at least, I'll go to hell. i'm also pretty sure being into animal people is a sin, or at least super frowned upon by the general populace. I've even heard some of my online normie friends refer to us as goat f'ers, so I know that will be an issue if I even accidentally change my avatar. I'm scared that someone would find out about all my furry stuff if I continue being in the fandom (if it isn't already too late) and expose me and ruin my life because I was different. And I can't be like "at least I'll have my furry friends" because... am I supposed to have them either? I mean, one of my favorite groups on telegram is all dudes who post nsfw multiple times a day... but I feel super bad thinking about abandoning ship just because a guy in the sky told me to maybe. But It's my soul that's at stake... right? Is that selfish?
I've also heard a lot of furs who I asked for advice from say "as a former Christian, I think...." Those words terrify me. Am I going to have to give up my religion just to be happy? Or is being happy a sin like my brain keeps telling me? I'm so stuck.
I wanted to keep this to myself, but I need help. I don't know who to go to though. Going to a furry just seemed to upset them, and I know going to a normie would just confuse them. So I'm just gonna scream my feelings at both and hope the mixed responses will gel into something better than sitting around feeling sorry for myself.
Thanks.
===== Notes =====
[Update 5/23] "I can see how the furry fantsy can be weird to most, but I don't see how it's their business to judge. I'm not assaulting or betraying or corrupting anyone. If anything, I'm too afraid of relationships in general to even think about doing anything NSFW with anyone in the first place. So if it's keeping me from doing stuff like having sex out side of marriage or whatever isn't that a good thing?" - Excerpt from a conversation with a friend
I've been through at least 2 major personal crises, so in general terms I can empathize.
(Mine were career-related - the first one was between 2010-13, when I had the nightmare horror-story that is modern academia rubbed in my face. I'd wanted to be a scientist since I was a kid, so discovering that a] I wasn't really good enough at research and b] the research lifestyle is actually a living hell - yeah, that burned. The second one was more recent (2015-16), and related to losing a job, then getting another that should have been The Dream Job, except actually it turned out to be the Platonic ideal of a radioactive volcano that was filled with bees. This one was bad enough that I essentially had a nervous breakdown over the summer of 2016.)
What I can say (somewhat to my surprise) is that There Is Life After A Crisis - in both cases the crises ended and bizarrely, some of the long-term effects were actually positive. But, of course, hearing that wouldn't have helped me much when I was going through them, so I do understand that this may well ring hollow.
As to the specifics of your situation, I'm not qualified to comment, so should probably keep my mouth shut - but, what I can say is that I was raised in a hyper-conservative, ultra-Christian environment, so I can definitely see how that can lead to difficulties. FWIW, I am led to understand that there are more-tolerant Christian traditions - I'm quite sure that there are LGBT-welcoming churches out there, and there probably are plenty of resources on the Web. (Again, please feel free to ignore all of this if it's unhelpful or hlepy to any extent.)
Anyway I think the TL;DR is, you're not alone in experiencing a major personal crisis, and however dark it feels now, there is hope for reaching the other shore. And when you do, you may well find that you're stronger for having taken the journey.
Anyone can tell you're a sinner, but who isn't, really?
My friends are aware of the whole furry thing, they're usually all cool with that, but yeah my situation can be different (they're all tabletop gamer and well they also like D&D monsters and all).
I can't force your hand on anything, but if I could give you an advice, don't let other people's judgment put you down. Also you can be surprised of how receptive people can be when you open up. Start small with close buds to test the terrain and expand from there.
I had my own problem with the old guy in the sky, now I'm at peace with him.