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I'm Just Not Perfect...
6 years ago
Polyamorous
transfursOkay, so...judging by the title of this journal, what happened to me? Why do I sound like this, and why am I acting like this? Well, something needs to be said. So, here’s my story…
So, I was on Telegram. A “rat friend” created a group, so I’m like, “cool”. So, he wanted me to look and see if anyone was interested. Things seem to look alright until I came across a grumpy, yet misunderstood “papa bear”. I was wondering if he’s into this sort of “kink”, yet he keeps asking me questions. So, I added him to the group a rat friend created. He was upset at first, but I apologized. So...he and I are cool right now. Even though he said he’ll stay in that group, I pretty much removed myself because I felt like I made a mistake.
So...that’s where a few people in that group got confused about what happened, and PM’d me to know what’s wrong. So, “Papa Bear” apologized to me because it was an accident for him to go off at me like that and “Daddy Rat,” said he wanted me to come back. Hell, even “Papa Bear” wanted me to come back, too. But, I’m like, “No, it’s my fault. So, I should be the one to leave.” However, both “Papa Bear” and “Daddy Rat” were just BEGGING me to come back to the group because they “needed” me. So...I joined back...but only because they wanted me to.
So, me and “Papa Bear” chatted with each other because, you know, get to know each other better. But...I’m just not feeling it anymore. I’m still upset, not happy with myself. I told “Papa Bear” that I think I should go. He asked me why and he thought we could chat for a bit. So, I told him, “I just can’t, dude. I’m not in the mood right now. I came back to the group, yeah, but only because you and he wanted me to. And I see y’all still talking about my mistake, and I felt like it was a bad idea of me to come back. You and he may be happy, but...I’m not. Is THAT why you two wanted me back - so you and every stupid-ass men can make me feel bad about myself? Make me feel bad about my mistake?!” But, then he told me that it was HIS mistake. However, I said it was MY mistake. Then “Papa Bear” told me that it was rude and disrespectful of him to make a big deal out if it, and that I’m a “great guy at heart”. *sigh* Then he told me that I don’t deserve to be treated like that ever. Now that...THAT’S where I play my card! I told “Papa Bear” and I quote, “tell that to those in the furry community who just LOVES to judge and attack others because they’re different”. I even told that to the “Daddy Rat”. So, both “Papa Bear” and “Daddy Rat” said the same thing to me - “No one in the fandom likes me either, even I get all the hate”. And, well...that’s just about it. I’m still a bit disappointed, tho. Yet...I’m starting to feel A BIT comfortable.
Nonetheless…*sigh* let’s just face it, like I told “Papa Bear” I’m nothing but a “people pleaser”. Despite that, I’ve been told a million times that I’m not gonna please everyone. Aaaannnd it’s true. And you know, as they said, “it was JUST a mistake”. Yeah, it pretty much WAS mistake. I’ve made mistakes all the time, and I FUCKING hate it! Now, I know some of you furries are gonna come up here and say, “Well, Rashaad, I’ve made mistakes, too. Nobody in the furry community likes me either.” Well...okay. Fine. I get it. I appreciate the “You’re not the only one” move that some of you pulled. But...this pretty much isn’t about you guys and gals, this is about me. This is about my life and story, so...honest to God, I have no idea what some of you are going through right now. But, you know, as the title of the journal says - I’m not perfect...you’re not perfect...NONE of us are. And even IF some of us are perfect, you’re still gonna get criticized no matter how professional, talented, and skillful you really are. But you know...that doesn’t mean we should stop trying. I can say that to myself. And you know, even though there are some furries I’ve met who said good things about me...sometimes I feel like their words aren’t true because sometimes I feel like I just don’t…”fit in”, y’ know? I dunno. I’m just lost and confused. As some people would say to me, maybe I’m just overthinking it.
So, I was on Telegram. A “rat friend” created a group, so I’m like, “cool”. So, he wanted me to look and see if anyone was interested. Things seem to look alright until I came across a grumpy, yet misunderstood “papa bear”. I was wondering if he’s into this sort of “kink”, yet he keeps asking me questions. So, I added him to the group a rat friend created. He was upset at first, but I apologized. So...he and I are cool right now. Even though he said he’ll stay in that group, I pretty much removed myself because I felt like I made a mistake.
So...that’s where a few people in that group got confused about what happened, and PM’d me to know what’s wrong. So, “Papa Bear” apologized to me because it was an accident for him to go off at me like that and “Daddy Rat,” said he wanted me to come back. Hell, even “Papa Bear” wanted me to come back, too. But, I’m like, “No, it’s my fault. So, I should be the one to leave.” However, both “Papa Bear” and “Daddy Rat” were just BEGGING me to come back to the group because they “needed” me. So...I joined back...but only because they wanted me to.
So, me and “Papa Bear” chatted with each other because, you know, get to know each other better. But...I’m just not feeling it anymore. I’m still upset, not happy with myself. I told “Papa Bear” that I think I should go. He asked me why and he thought we could chat for a bit. So, I told him, “I just can’t, dude. I’m not in the mood right now. I came back to the group, yeah, but only because you and he wanted me to. And I see y’all still talking about my mistake, and I felt like it was a bad idea of me to come back. You and he may be happy, but...I’m not. Is THAT why you two wanted me back - so you and every stupid-ass men can make me feel bad about myself? Make me feel bad about my mistake?!” But, then he told me that it was HIS mistake. However, I said it was MY mistake. Then “Papa Bear” told me that it was rude and disrespectful of him to make a big deal out if it, and that I’m a “great guy at heart”. *sigh* Then he told me that I don’t deserve to be treated like that ever. Now that...THAT’S where I play my card! I told “Papa Bear” and I quote, “tell that to those in the furry community who just LOVES to judge and attack others because they’re different”. I even told that to the “Daddy Rat”. So, both “Papa Bear” and “Daddy Rat” said the same thing to me - “No one in the fandom likes me either, even I get all the hate”. And, well...that’s just about it. I’m still a bit disappointed, tho. Yet...I’m starting to feel A BIT comfortable.
Nonetheless…*sigh* let’s just face it, like I told “Papa Bear” I’m nothing but a “people pleaser”. Despite that, I’ve been told a million times that I’m not gonna please everyone. Aaaannnd it’s true. And you know, as they said, “it was JUST a mistake”. Yeah, it pretty much WAS mistake. I’ve made mistakes all the time, and I FUCKING hate it! Now, I know some of you furries are gonna come up here and say, “Well, Rashaad, I’ve made mistakes, too. Nobody in the furry community likes me either.” Well...okay. Fine. I get it. I appreciate the “You’re not the only one” move that some of you pulled. But...this pretty much isn’t about you guys and gals, this is about me. This is about my life and story, so...honest to God, I have no idea what some of you are going through right now. But, you know, as the title of the journal says - I’m not perfect...you’re not perfect...NONE of us are. And even IF some of us are perfect, you’re still gonna get criticized no matter how professional, talented, and skillful you really are. But you know...that doesn’t mean we should stop trying. I can say that to myself. And you know, even though there are some furries I’ve met who said good things about me...sometimes I feel like their words aren’t true because sometimes I feel like I just don’t…”fit in”, y’ know? I dunno. I’m just lost and confused. As some people would say to me, maybe I’m just overthinking it.
chubby_furs_forever
bellylovers
MuscleGutFurs
DadClub
ButtClub
nick otter
~voremonster21
no one isn't prefect, i don't have to read the journal..i just saw the title, every one thing's there " PREFECT! " but in all honesty no one isn't prefect..
Sunfire
~sunfire
It sounds to me like you didn't want to be forgiven, despite the fact that you didn't do anything wrong in the first place. If you're going to beat yourself up for not being perfect in your own mind, you're going to end up in a downward spiral. And yes, overthinking the situation only makes things worse.
Well, honest to God, it really is my fault. I'm the one that added him to the group without permission even though I gave him the link to it. I even left that group because of my "fuck-up". However, he apologized to me for how he acted and he wanted me back. He even asked if he could forgive me, so I'm like, "what the hey". I mean, if someone apologizes and wants to be forgiven, I just can't...shut'em out like that, especially if that furry tried to ruin my life. So, me and him, we're cool for now. I'm just feeling a bit disappointed, but I'm starting to feel a bit comfortable right now after the conversation between a "Papa Bear" and a "Daddy Rat".
Well, if both of you feel that you both did something wrong, have both apologized for whatever mistakes were made, why not just call it even and move on? Think of all the things God forgives us for all the time. We are imperfect, we live in an imperfect world, so never expect perfection from it or anyone in it, or of yourself.
MysFurry99
~mysfurry99
OP
Like I said, we're both cool. We DID call it even, so now we're moving on with our lives. And yes, we are imperfect. As I've been told a million times, "nobody's perfect". However...some people THINK they are perfect. And the reason they think or even pretend they're perfect is because they don't wanna admit they made mistakes, too.
