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Community Care & Self Care- Thanks everyone for your support
6 years ago
Every once and again, I like to diary. Out of all of my channels, even my personal ones, I feel like this is the safest place to talk about these sorts of things (for better or for worst).
I have had a lot of great support from my little circle of friends here, though.
As you may or may not know, I had a death in the family. It was my grandma and we were very close. I was her favorite grandchild and I got to spend 2 weeks caring for her before she passed. People have been saying she was sick, but... My aunt was neglecting her.
My mother was doing all she could to care for her mother. Preface though: my mom is 70 years old going on 45.
My mother does well for herself, but that 70 part. She could only do so much and she wasn't getting any support from the family. It was a very frustrating time.
If we had it our way, though, we would never have to say goodbye to our loved ones. However, my grandmother was severely neglected and I'm glad she doesn't have to suffer any more.
So on to the topic, "self-care and community care." When my father passed four years ago, one of the lessons I learned was to take better care of myself. I'm very proud of my mother. One of the reasons why I started going to a therapist is because of her. Unfortunately, my mother hasn't been able to keep up this regimen since our family is from the South and social services are SEVERELY lacking. We both started taking rest days, setting out time to exercise outdoors, and really doing the hard work that self-care requires.
However, the lesson I learned from this juncture is about the importance of community care. We as people, we need people. We need someone to ask us "mom questions." -Have you eaten? How is your sleeping? How is your life going?
Community care is a little harder because we all need people to reciprocate with us...
Sure, I can ask the mom questions. However, I need people to ask about me.
I have plenty of friends who call, text, and get me out of the house. I also have church family that ask me mom questions.
My mother though, she felt so isolated- especially after becoming a widow. However, our family church really stepped up. Even our old church sent someone a city over to represent.
Another thing I've learned is that people aren't perfect. Thats appart of community care and self care too. Its not always going to be complete. People are not always going to reciprocate. Things are going to be pushed aside, people are going to fall through the cracks. These imperfections are just what make up life and our experiences. Thats why being gracious and giving people a chance takes a lot of strength.
With that, I'll close with this: one aspect that self-care and community care share is monitoring the narratives we have about our life experiences. Chronic loneliness and isolation have a direct correlation with the stories we tell ourselves to justify our lonliness. It can take the form of seeing yourself as undesirable or undeserving. It can also take the form of perceiving the people around you as hostile or threatening. This makes it more difficult for community care to happen.
Part of self care is assessing these narratives. Some of them may be true. For myself, I have to be honest with myself and really assess my thoughts. Sometimes we have to admit that the stories we tell ourselves aren't based in any thing but our loneliness, our bitterness, our disappointment, our dissatisfaction. Those things are okay, so long as we are honest with them and that we know what they are. Thats the only way to addresss them and start on the path of wellness.
I'm really grateful to my friends, and to you if you got this far cx
Feel free to tell me how your life is going. Consider this my good mom/ good dad check-in.
I have had a lot of great support from my little circle of friends here, though.
Today's topic: Self-care verses Community Care.
As you may or may not know, I had a death in the family. It was my grandma and we were very close. I was her favorite grandchild and I got to spend 2 weeks caring for her before she passed. People have been saying she was sick, but... My aunt was neglecting her.
My mother was doing all she could to care for her mother. Preface though: my mom is 70 years old going on 45.
My mother does well for herself, but that 70 part. She could only do so much and she wasn't getting any support from the family. It was a very frustrating time.
If we had it our way, though, we would never have to say goodbye to our loved ones. However, my grandmother was severely neglected and I'm glad she doesn't have to suffer any more.
So on to the topic, "self-care and community care." When my father passed four years ago, one of the lessons I learned was to take better care of myself. I'm very proud of my mother. One of the reasons why I started going to a therapist is because of her. Unfortunately, my mother hasn't been able to keep up this regimen since our family is from the South and social services are SEVERELY lacking. We both started taking rest days, setting out time to exercise outdoors, and really doing the hard work that self-care requires.
However, the lesson I learned from this juncture is about the importance of community care. We as people, we need people. We need someone to ask us "mom questions." -Have you eaten? How is your sleeping? How is your life going?
Community care is a little harder because we all need people to reciprocate with us...
Sure, I can ask the mom questions. However, I need people to ask about me.
I have plenty of friends who call, text, and get me out of the house. I also have church family that ask me mom questions.
My mother though, she felt so isolated- especially after becoming a widow. However, our family church really stepped up. Even our old church sent someone a city over to represent.
Another thing I've learned is that people aren't perfect. Thats appart of community care and self care too. Its not always going to be complete. People are not always going to reciprocate. Things are going to be pushed aside, people are going to fall through the cracks. These imperfections are just what make up life and our experiences. Thats why being gracious and giving people a chance takes a lot of strength.
With that, I'll close with this: one aspect that self-care and community care share is monitoring the narratives we have about our life experiences. Chronic loneliness and isolation have a direct correlation with the stories we tell ourselves to justify our lonliness. It can take the form of seeing yourself as undesirable or undeserving. It can also take the form of perceiving the people around you as hostile or threatening. This makes it more difficult for community care to happen.
Part of self care is assessing these narratives. Some of them may be true. For myself, I have to be honest with myself and really assess my thoughts. Sometimes we have to admit that the stories we tell ourselves aren't based in any thing but our loneliness, our bitterness, our disappointment, our dissatisfaction. Those things are okay, so long as we are honest with them and that we know what they are. Thats the only way to addresss them and start on the path of wellness.
I'm really grateful to my friends, and to you if you got this far cx
Feel free to tell me how your life is going. Consider this my good mom/ good dad check-in.
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