(Clickable links in the patreon post, I really don't want to reformat all the links here to bbcode ;; it's too much work for my stiff hands and spoonies.)

[public patreon post]

Hey all, I wanted to practice more blogging but my stiff hands and fatigue have really taken over. So I've been focusing on a lot of doodling for my mental health, cleaning with my friends Choco and Cinnri, and taking care of Prov.

Sadly for Prov and I have gotten some bad news about our family, (my in-laws/prov's parents) Our dad seems to have taken a bad turn for the worst health wise. It's been a pretty big up and down battle, however lately it sure feels like any ground gained is immediately taken away twice as much... 1 step forward and 3 steps back?

We are having our own problems and troubles that have prevented us from traveling and visiting his disabled family. Now with how poor the health is, I know Prov is very scared and worried about running out of time with his father.

I personally had a very bad relationship with my father and most of my family, I don't entirely know how to feel. I only recently just found this new family, a mother and father who welcomed me with open arms and never hesitated to tell me they love me. It feels like teeth grinding in my throat just thinking about it. I have never left loved by my family. Fear and hurt keep me from trying to mend bridges, frankly thought.. I think those bridges sometimes are best burnt. But now I struggle with a flurry of emotions, anger and guilt. For a lot of things, not just him getting sick or me being too sick blah blah blah. Just.. at all of it, at how hard everything is. I'm just so angry and bitter at how difficult life is and how... we feel like we're never going to catch a break. We're just struggling until we die and...that's it.

I'm just so angry... But being angry won't help. It won't solve anything. It won't process my emotions. Prov and I have made plans, we continue to speak with our parents and try to motivate them to keep getting treatment. To please keep trying. Something that helped us a lot when we were too sick to get around or stuck in a hospital for daaaaaaaaays waiting for various test results, we both agreed to get his parents/father his own switch! Pack it up with a nice pro controller and a few games we feel he would be interested in. Even if you can't move around too much, the mental stability and practice of playing with video games can help SO much in so many little ways. Even if we end up just giving him our own personal switch and games, we can replace them at a later date. I'm going to make this work no matter what....

We have been working really hard and saving up some cash for emergencies, so I think we can maybe.. maybe afford it. But oof it's a stretch considering you all saw us literally begging for financial aid in 2017. It's now 2019 and we've recovered somewhat all thanks to Prov's job that has wonderful health insurance for me to go where ever I want/specialists and such. And now we, as a household, even had local friends move from their states to Madison WI to come to our house and help us. Cleaning up the house, helping me get laundry done, cooking with me so we can meal prep so I stop accidentally starving prov and I. It's been a lot of sudden changes this June since they moved here to help me with so much. I can not even begin to thank Choco and Cinnri enough for all of their efforts and dedication to listening to us... It's been a huge difference already and I'm incredibly grateful. A lot of people do not have tolerance for disability and how it takes over every single second of every single day for us. We literally can not escape on our own. Please give the "Spoon Theory by Christine Miserandino" a read if you'd like to have a better idea of how we speak about disability, energy, and what's possible in our lives.

The best news about having 2 new helpers locally, we hope to get the CloverCoin household cleaned, unpacked, and officially get Clover Coin Designs back online. Streaming art and games, doing pokemon snap photography again, and having lots of fun planning to make merch for patrons, etsy shop, and future convention runs! We plan to unpack and clean my office so it can be set up in an L shape desk, microphone, and camera equipment for streaming. We also hope to get a comforted couch for guests to chill behind me (Prov/Cinnri/Choco or anyone who visits) while I have my sched streams. <3 It's still a lot of work, so please bare with us as we slowly work on uncluttering the business! I'm also hoping to try planning to visit 2 conventions this year near Madison WI. I'm hoping to check out Aquatifur October 11th-13th in Wisconsin Dells and Ponyville Ciderfest November 1st-3rd in Milwaukee WI. I was very very interested in trying to make it to Midwest FurFest in Rosemont IL but hearing about the dealer's den not getting any help from the con staff.. I am disabled and can not risk finances on a convention that doesn't care much for their creatives? So that's a huge bummer since so many peeps I'd love to meet attend. :C

So that's a bunch of... mixed bag of nuts? Lot of bad news for us personally/emotionally. But we also have a lot of... really wonderful and amazing things ahead of us. So we can't back down. We can't give up. We have to keep pushing!!!

OH, one last thing. My birthday is June 17th. Guess what? JUNIOR'S BIRTHDAY IS ALSO JUNE 17TH!! We're so excited to celebrate our birthdays together!! I know a lot of peeps ask me for amazon/WL kinda stuff so here ya go! NEVER THOUGHT I'D MAKE IT TO AGE 29 BUT WOOO NOW TO PARTY!!
So.. that's everything going on. Still cleaning, still unpacking the house, still helping Cinnri/Choco move into their own place (mostly collecting furniture at this point?), and hopefully we'll have some creative updates for you all very soon.

OH last thing, we'll be hosting a pillowing sale Friday (Patrons), and Saturday (Public on DA)! Keep your eyes peeled~ You def can check them out in discord for them sneaky views~

Thank you everyone for taking the time to read through and continue to cheer us on. We wouldn't be here without you peeps. <3


NEVER BE AFRAID TO DRAW BADLY. (ノ^∇^)

[public patreon post]