I'm writing this so tired that it feels like my bones have been removed. As of Monday I've been in a Teacher Preparation Program. I don't want to be a teacher my whole life, but I want away from my family, so whatever it takes I'll do it. I've been working pretty much non-stop since Monday and I'll be working without a day off until a week from tomorrow. All for a program that might not even pay out. But if I don't do something I'll crack, I have to get them out of my life.

My family incidentally informed me that when I get a teaching job I should keep living at home with them and just commute to work, because I won't find a roommate and won't be able to live alone. Here's the thing, they never say things as harsh as I do. But you start to notice patterns in things they say. Like how they expect you to fail, think you're never grateful and always assume you'll be poor. I want to stay in NC, I love the state and know it can be better than it is. But I don't know if I can stay if they're going to try to run my life no matter where I am.

I've been feeling depressed of late. There are so many things I want to still do, that I've wanted to already accomplish and that I couldn't do because I've spent years fighting with my parents and STILL not getting anywhere. Stubbornness runs in my family to the point that we could all be Wheel of Time characters. When I finally get away will I be able to do those things I wanted to do? Or will I have to just settle like my family always insisted I would? I don't know the answer.

For now I'm just surviving one day at a time. I'm tired, can't write due to sleep deprivation and work, so all stories from me are on hold until I can get things under control. I want this to work out, I wish more due to passion than anything else. But I'm so burned out by this house and by my parents what else can I do? I need work that will keep me far away from them.