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I should be asleep
6 years ago
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|| Trello| TOS |Business HRS/Schedule || AC is in a few days.
To be honest, I’m not at all excited to be there. I’ve been genuinely panicking, crying, and being overall depressed over it for many reasons.
As much as I’d love to update people on things, I’ve mostly muted myself in fear I’ll make my situation worse for trying to speak up. So... I’m sorry I can’t (won’t)shouldn’t say anything to save myself more pain.
I much rather just stay in my room since my anxiety and depression has convinced me I’m better off invisible.
I’m sorry I’m being such a downer about an event that should be bringing so much joy and excitement. I’m just genuinely crumbling and wanted to let the followers that still care, to understand what I’m too scared to extrabulate into physical words.
If you see me and I seem very standoffish, please don’t be offended. It’s not you, I really mean it. I’m genuinely just not ok.
Sorry in advance.
[Edit] Before you comment below asking why I’m even showing up if it’s bringing me this much pain: The plane tickets are already bought (bad excuse), vacation days already set (another bad excuse), I’m really only showing up for one person at this point (ok excuse), and I don’t want to be home by myself (bad excuse). Yes, I could just go somewhere else. Yes, I could just cancel my plane ticket. Yes, I could just place a mask and do my best to have fun. However, I dont like any of those ideas for the sake of others to be comfortable. It’s such a crime to wear my heart on my sleeve but I rather be honest about how I genuinely feel rather than pretend under the horrible guise depression loves to pull. I’ve already had the bed made, now I’m going to lie in it and just deal with what I feel and not hide from it.
To be honest, I’m not at all excited to be there. I’ve been genuinely panicking, crying, and being overall depressed over it for many reasons.
As much as I’d love to update people on things, I’ve mostly muted myself in fear I’ll make my situation worse for trying to speak up. So... I’m sorry I can’t (won’t)
I much rather just stay in my room since my anxiety and depression has convinced me I’m better off invisible.
I’m sorry I’m being such a downer about an event that should be bringing so much joy and excitement. I’m just genuinely crumbling and wanted to let the followers that still care, to understand what I’m too scared to extrabulate into physical words.
If you see me and I seem very standoffish, please don’t be offended. It’s not you, I really mean it. I’m genuinely just not ok.
Sorry in advance.
[Edit] Before you comment below asking why I’m even showing up if it’s bringing me this much pain: The plane tickets are already bought (bad excuse), vacation days already set (another bad excuse), I’m really only showing up for one person at this point (ok excuse), and I don’t want to be home by myself (bad excuse). Yes, I could just go somewhere else. Yes, I could just cancel my plane ticket. Yes, I could just place a mask and do my best to have fun. However, I dont like any of those ideas for the sake of others to be comfortable. It’s such a crime to wear my heart on my sleeve but I rather be honest about how I genuinely feel rather than pretend under the horrible guise depression loves to pull. I’ve already had the bed made, now I’m going to lie in it and just deal with what I feel and not hide from it.
Anxiety sucks.
What I wouldn't give to have some sort of useful advice right now, to have some perfect thing I could say that will make everything all better... But instead all I have is this:
You're not alone.
*hug*
Despite how difficult your depression may make this, please try your best to have some fun at the convention, to find something or someone there that may make you smile. And also consider making it a goal to hug as many fursuits as you can! Even if you struggle just to get the words out, "You look adorable, may I hug you?", the results can go a long way. (At least if you enjoy big fuzzy hugs. You do, right?)
Do hope ya have some company though, and welcome to msg on discord too if like some quiet hang out for a switch game or foods. Be sending ya well wishes to calm the fear o/