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Getting worse than ever (WARNING: Depression/Suicide topic)
6 years ago
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Not sure many people who follow me are still even using FA actively (as I've been very inactive myself) so I guess this is more or less to vent to myself.
So things have been getting worse. As I write I am on a day-off yet can't bring myself to easily do stuff. I'm 31 and as some of you know have a mental disability, and it's put me in a position were I can work, but with the effects of my disability being noticeable at times, but not disabled enough to get SSDI meaning I must work to survive.
In all the years Ive worked I've been a hard working person, shows up on time, takes extra shifts, pulls double shifts, all the things you would expect someone who wants to move up in a company. Yet I've only gotten 1 promotion and even so it was mainly due to a friend of mine (an Assistant Manager at the time) pushing my then boss to move me up. I've been a supervisor now for going on 2 years (as of November) and at the time of writing it seems unlikely I'd move up any time soon if at all.
The Depression has been hitting me that just can't get anywhere in a career, Other things such as Minimum wage rising hasn't helped either (basically over 2 years I've earned $1.65 / hr in raises from performance and $0.50 from my promotion, this may sound great except that thanks to minimum wage going up I've gone from making 1$/hr over minimum wage to $1.40 / hr over what minimum wage currently is.. basically I've been screwed out of my hard work and with Minimum wage increasing so has food and other prices gone up, basically keeping me about where I started).
I recently also went over my expenses and income and realized that just on the basics (Rent, Gas, Food, Insurance) I have so little left that putting $65 per week away to save for conventions/retirement actually sets me in the hole, and then anything I do for "entertainment" (seeing a movie, going to furmeets, going to Pathfinder, etc) just compounds this. Basically the best 2 things to "cut" would be if I could transfer to a different store thats closer and hopefully cut my gas in half or eat for even cheaper than I do (I currently shoot for $3 or less per meal).
The only reason It's not been too bad is that I usually get a few hours of overtime each week and that covers the money I put away to save and entertainment expenses I do.
If there is anyone out there that reads this I don't know how you can help me, and frankly I don't think some shrink or medicine can help me either (unless it can cure my mental disability permanently) so yeah I guess all I can do is just sit here and contemplate if I should end it all or not....
So things have been getting worse. As I write I am on a day-off yet can't bring myself to easily do stuff. I'm 31 and as some of you know have a mental disability, and it's put me in a position were I can work, but with the effects of my disability being noticeable at times, but not disabled enough to get SSDI meaning I must work to survive.
In all the years Ive worked I've been a hard working person, shows up on time, takes extra shifts, pulls double shifts, all the things you would expect someone who wants to move up in a company. Yet I've only gotten 1 promotion and even so it was mainly due to a friend of mine (an Assistant Manager at the time) pushing my then boss to move me up. I've been a supervisor now for going on 2 years (as of November) and at the time of writing it seems unlikely I'd move up any time soon if at all.
The Depression has been hitting me that just can't get anywhere in a career, Other things such as Minimum wage rising hasn't helped either (basically over 2 years I've earned $1.65 / hr in raises from performance and $0.50 from my promotion, this may sound great except that thanks to minimum wage going up I've gone from making 1$/hr over minimum wage to $1.40 / hr over what minimum wage currently is.. basically I've been screwed out of my hard work and with Minimum wage increasing so has food and other prices gone up, basically keeping me about where I started).
I recently also went over my expenses and income and realized that just on the basics (Rent, Gas, Food, Insurance) I have so little left that putting $65 per week away to save for conventions/retirement actually sets me in the hole, and then anything I do for "entertainment" (seeing a movie, going to furmeets, going to Pathfinder, etc) just compounds this. Basically the best 2 things to "cut" would be if I could transfer to a different store thats closer and hopefully cut my gas in half or eat for even cheaper than I do (I currently shoot for $3 or less per meal).
The only reason It's not been too bad is that I usually get a few hours of overtime each week and that covers the money I put away to save and entertainment expenses I do.
If there is anyone out there that reads this I don't know how you can help me, and frankly I don't think some shrink or medicine can help me either (unless it can cure my mental disability permanently) so yeah I guess all I can do is just sit here and contemplate if I should end it all or not....
I never really know what to say in a case like this, but one little thing I can say if that if you want to improve your situation, "ending it" is the one thing guaranteed to not work.
I don't fully know what your previous work history and/or any possible physical limitations are, but there are still places around that offer assembly and/or warehouse-style work, which tend to pay better than what pretty much any retail place would ever pay. You'd also have much more consistent hours, and usually a proper weekend, so that may be an avenue you'd want to look into. The downside is that a lot of those jobs tend to be gotten through temp agencies, so continued employment is not a guarantee, but so long as you can prove your worth wherever you go, you shouldn't have too rough of a time.
If you want to talk further, I'm basically always available on Telegram. Or if you just wanna do some kind of gaming online, too, we could do that. We've been missing you at the furmeets, for sure.
If you are planning on ending it all, please do me a favor and call the Suicide Hotline @ 1-800-273-8255. Your life is too precious to take that route.
*hugs*