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Looking for adviiiice~
16 years ago
General
I normally don't do these things, I swear! But, I fear that I cannot go to my usual friends, for fear of being judged badly. However, I seek advice on a petty problem which plagues me!
I am in love with a boy, and have been for over two years. We were inseparable at one point in our friendship. We never had a romantic relationship, but we were certainly closer than "just friends." Constantly, he told me that he loved me, would never leave me, he needed me, etc. etc. He would come over every day and we would play videogames and cuddle and whatnot.
About a year ago, I became too overbearing for him. I tend to "smother", and I took offense to him saying that he wanted me to back off a little. I fought and fought, instead of apologizing and agreeing like I should have. I look back, and I kick myself for this mistake. He relied on me heavily for emotional support, as he was going through a tough period of self-doubt and fear. He was often very hard to deal with, because the depression was never-ending. But I stuck by him, because I wanted him to be happy. All of a sudden. after going to a local college, (He is a year older than me. He started college when I was still in high school) he began to grow incredibly distant. He no longer wanted me to be his best friend, saying that he had none, and preferred to keep it this way.
He stopped liking things that he used to, such as furries, certain games, music, clothing, etc. He was becoming a completely different person. His personality changed entirely. He used to be humble, caring, appreciative, and honest, and he became rude, apathetic, stingy, and repressed. He remodeled his room, got a new car, new clothes, and a new pet. Just more examples of some radical changes.
We constantly argued about this, and he constantly said "well if you can't deal with it, then leave me alone." I didn't, because I was worried that he was going to go away. (Obviously, I needed him as much as he once needed me.) Around last december, he was saying that he wanted to start dating people (which, while we were close, he said he never wanted to do, as he deemed such things unnecessary.) This was when I told him that I was in love with him, and his response was "...wow." and "I don't feel the same way." He told me to trust him, and that he needed to do it. I tried to understand, but could not deal with it. I basically became reclusive...pessimistic...etc. I have not changed since then.
He has recently started drinking, and, as I assume smoking. He promised me that he would not do these things, as he also thought these were unimportant and unnecessary. He once hated the idea of fitting into the stereotype of our age group. Now he seems to fit right in.
We still see eachother with groups of friends, but we never talk. There are either long periods of silence, or arguing.
Last month, I watched his bearded dragon while he went on vacation for a week. When he got back, he told me that he needed to remodel his room, and asked that I keep it for a few more days. (It ended up being three more weeks.)
When he came to retrieve it this weekend, he brought a girl into my house. A girl whom I have never met. He did not introduce her, or tell me why she was there until I asked. He told me her name, and that he needed her to help him get the lizard. (Which he didn't, as she did nothing to help. Nor was she needed in any way.)
I was livid. One must be pretty dumb to bring a mysterious girl into the house of another girl whom you know is in love with you.
I really want to ask if they are in a relationship, because if they are, I honestly can't see him anymore. I don't want to imagine someone who used to be so important to me, with someone else. That is a selfish thing, I know. But I couldn't deal with it. I wonder if I should just leave him alone regardless, and sacrifice my relationship with him and my other friends (as he has become a central part of my group of friends.) I want to know, though, but I know that he will get angry, and possibly lie, saying that nothing is my business.
And if I do leave him alone, should I tell him my intentions, or just go, without an explanation?
I really love this person, and I do want them to be happy. Which, honestly, is the main reason I want to go away, in the hopes that he'll find his inner self, which he deeply desires. I am beginning to accept that, though I still need him, he does not need me anymore, and that I should sacrifice that need and back off.
Many of my friends annoyed with me for not getting over it at all. (which is why I come here seeking input :X. )
TL;DR, boys are made of asses and cooties.
I feel bad for you if you read this :C I'll delete it soon...maybe.. ur...
I am in love with a boy, and have been for over two years. We were inseparable at one point in our friendship. We never had a romantic relationship, but we were certainly closer than "just friends." Constantly, he told me that he loved me, would never leave me, he needed me, etc. etc. He would come over every day and we would play videogames and cuddle and whatnot.
About a year ago, I became too overbearing for him. I tend to "smother", and I took offense to him saying that he wanted me to back off a little. I fought and fought, instead of apologizing and agreeing like I should have. I look back, and I kick myself for this mistake. He relied on me heavily for emotional support, as he was going through a tough period of self-doubt and fear. He was often very hard to deal with, because the depression was never-ending. But I stuck by him, because I wanted him to be happy. All of a sudden. after going to a local college, (He is a year older than me. He started college when I was still in high school) he began to grow incredibly distant. He no longer wanted me to be his best friend, saying that he had none, and preferred to keep it this way.
He stopped liking things that he used to, such as furries, certain games, music, clothing, etc. He was becoming a completely different person. His personality changed entirely. He used to be humble, caring, appreciative, and honest, and he became rude, apathetic, stingy, and repressed. He remodeled his room, got a new car, new clothes, and a new pet. Just more examples of some radical changes.
We constantly argued about this, and he constantly said "well if you can't deal with it, then leave me alone." I didn't, because I was worried that he was going to go away. (Obviously, I needed him as much as he once needed me.) Around last december, he was saying that he wanted to start dating people (which, while we were close, he said he never wanted to do, as he deemed such things unnecessary.) This was when I told him that I was in love with him, and his response was "...wow." and "I don't feel the same way." He told me to trust him, and that he needed to do it. I tried to understand, but could not deal with it. I basically became reclusive...pessimistic...etc. I have not changed since then.
He has recently started drinking, and, as I assume smoking. He promised me that he would not do these things, as he also thought these were unimportant and unnecessary. He once hated the idea of fitting into the stereotype of our age group. Now he seems to fit right in.
We still see eachother with groups of friends, but we never talk. There are either long periods of silence, or arguing.
Last month, I watched his bearded dragon while he went on vacation for a week. When he got back, he told me that he needed to remodel his room, and asked that I keep it for a few more days. (It ended up being three more weeks.)
When he came to retrieve it this weekend, he brought a girl into my house. A girl whom I have never met. He did not introduce her, or tell me why she was there until I asked. He told me her name, and that he needed her to help him get the lizard. (Which he didn't, as she did nothing to help. Nor was she needed in any way.)
I was livid. One must be pretty dumb to bring a mysterious girl into the house of another girl whom you know is in love with you.
I really want to ask if they are in a relationship, because if they are, I honestly can't see him anymore. I don't want to imagine someone who used to be so important to me, with someone else. That is a selfish thing, I know. But I couldn't deal with it. I wonder if I should just leave him alone regardless, and sacrifice my relationship with him and my other friends (as he has become a central part of my group of friends.) I want to know, though, but I know that he will get angry, and possibly lie, saying that nothing is my business.
And if I do leave him alone, should I tell him my intentions, or just go, without an explanation?
I really love this person, and I do want them to be happy. Which, honestly, is the main reason I want to go away, in the hopes that he'll find his inner self, which he deeply desires. I am beginning to accept that, though I still need him, he does not need me anymore, and that I should sacrifice that need and back off.
Many of my friends annoyed with me for not getting over it at all. (which is why I come here seeking input :X. )
TL;DR, boys are made of asses and cooties.
I feel bad for you if you read this :C I'll delete it soon...maybe.. ur...
I dunno. From a neutral party's perspective. I wouldn't say he's moved on, but he seems to be experimenting a different lifestyle, you know. For what reason I can't really say, but seems to me like something inspired him. I dunno.
Just seems to be one of those things. Where you just let them do their thing. Obviously there's no convincing a person to be with you or to change the way they're living their life. The harder you try to, the less possible it'll be. But, yeah, continue to be supportive. Eventually he'll see that you're the one who has always been there, even through his random phases. Know what I mean?
I dunno. :V Obviously not knowing all the details leaves me handicapped. But. I can tell this makes you pretty unhappy, just from this journal. So. I really hope that you can find some peace with this situation.
he's a douche and you should forget about him
I know that's hard, but.. Seriously.
For him:
You didn't give us much insight into this whole smothering business so i have no idea if it is valid or not. however, just as much as high school can change someone, so can college. if he's trying new lifestyles, you have to let him. no everyone stays the same forever, no matter how much they say they won't. because no one knows the future. and if he's not being a complete chode with his drinking and smoking, what can ya do, right? the majority of people i know drink but still handle it properly.
For you:
Stop being so down on yourself! In this whole journal everytime he acts like an emotional prick (taking advantage of you when he gives you nothing in return), you just eat it up and act like any thoughts you have against him are you being selfish. No, honey, you're taking care of yourself! If his definition of friendship is you watching HIS pet for a month and then continue to act like an ungrateful chode, then fuck him. And the fact that your other friends see he's becoming a chode, well, you have no obligations to him if he's being a meanie. Next time he asks you for favors, ask him what he's done for you in the past year. Seriously.
When you're young, everything feels like the end of the world, but it's not; it's just the beginning. (no, shut up, i don't care if this quote is from 17 Again. it is a great quote!) He's being like a jerk and maybe it's time for you to move on, you know? You will meet so many people in your life. (and continuing the 17 again quote). You may have to meet a few more jerks, but one day you will meet a boy who treats you the way you deserve to be treated, like the sun rises and sets with you.
Ok, Blitz, shut up. You are so gay, Blitz.
This is going to happen a lot at this age, but soon enough you'll find someone who will truly love you, and stay with you always.
I WISH I COULD SAY MORE. ;-;