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Learning to be more open with my interests
6 years ago
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DeviantArt I've been talking a bunch again in this new discord server I'm in... and gosh I feel so accepted and validated. ;-; I didn't know this was what I needed.
The people in the server are all for taboo subjects in art, like I am. If you don't know much about me, I'm someone who LOVES exploring taboo subjects (ones I feel comfortable in), and there was a time for several years I posted whatever I wanted, which included noncon, gore, very emotional stress and more.
As time went on, I saw more and more people attacking those who draw/write about taboo subjects, whatever they may be, and it made me more and more afraid to share my own work. I would go through these rollercoaster emotions from "oh no don't post anything people would be angry at, I don't need that stress ;~; " to "I will draw what I want if it's allowed on that website. SUCK IT."
And flip flopping so much on that was getting more and more stressful.
Problem was, I didn't really have people I could truly talk about it with. Most of my friends may feel uncomfortable with it, while with other friends I don't know, really. And that's all good, too! Everyone has their preferences. But I didn't know that was hindering me to not have like-minded people for certain subjects... or more than one person to have like-minded thoughts, anyways.
But in this server... my gosh I've felt far more open. Even socially I've bloomed up. I feel like I'm a part of this community even though I've only been in for THREE DAYS. It makes me want to interact with people in there (when I can) as well as talk about my own stuff and share my own things.
I even felt the want to go into a voice chat. AHH. But I'm at the hospital with my mom right now so I can't. xD;
A little tangent there, but the point is I found a place where I can share my taboo interests with and have people be EXCITED about it.
I know there's people on here and other places I'm in as well that are also excited about the stuff I draw in that regard and want to encourage me, but it's having a little "private" community that's helping me far more since I know everyone in this place at least has similar thoughts or are rational about it!
And it's because of them I feel I'll be able to be "me" more and feel more comfortable with letting people go who really can't stand what I do.
I easily get upset, so when I saw favorite artists unwatch me when I mentioned the incest thing, or seeing friends talk bad against it, implying artists who draw it are horrible people, I wanted to hide away.
But, really, I need to let these people go if they can't handle it.
I know it will still be a hard thing to overcome for me because of my personality, but I now have people I can directly talk to about it to make me feel better. Having several people talk at once helps more than a single person.
I've been so scared of backlash, but having people who can back me up if any of that happens feels so nice.
Other people will try to force their viewpoint onto me, thinking I am a certain way because I draw certain things, but that says more about them than me.
I separate reality from fantasy. If other people can't, that's their issue. :/ Just because I DRAW something that's a "taboo" doesn't mean I condone it irl. Don't project that onto me.
I want to gain people who will back me up and/or like what I do, and understand where I'm coming from. I don't want to worry about those who'd hate me for it.
I hope with this being said, I can draw and show more on what I like to do, like how I used to be. I was happiest back then.
I am of the mindset of "draw what you want" with no limits.
I think the only art I'd really look down on is hate art... but in that case I'll ignore it. People can still draw what they want.
And if people draw things of my characters I wouldn't want to see, that just makes them as a jackass. And don't respect me. I still heavily believe in being respectful towards other artists/people and their wishes, but if it's your own story and world? Do what you want!
There are of course subject matter I wouldn't want to see/find gross, but that's on me to simply avoid it. If I see something I don't like, I can x out and go away. That's what I wish others would do, too.
WITH THAT SAID I do feel sites could do better with filter systems... or people did better tagging their own work. Make it easier for people to avoid the content they don't want to see! I wanna do better with that, too. I still wanna be a bit sensitive to those who may not like what I draw! Make it easier for them to avoid, but still being able to draw what I want!
I wanna be true to myself. <3 Others should be, too, as long as they aren't harming people irl without consent!
I'll be putting warnings on all my pages on what I do so people know straight away!
The people in the server are all for taboo subjects in art, like I am. If you don't know much about me, I'm someone who LOVES exploring taboo subjects (ones I feel comfortable in), and there was a time for several years I posted whatever I wanted, which included noncon, gore, very emotional stress and more.
As time went on, I saw more and more people attacking those who draw/write about taboo subjects, whatever they may be, and it made me more and more afraid to share my own work. I would go through these rollercoaster emotions from "oh no don't post anything people would be angry at, I don't need that stress ;~; " to "I will draw what I want if it's allowed on that website. SUCK IT."
And flip flopping so much on that was getting more and more stressful.
Problem was, I didn't really have people I could truly talk about it with. Most of my friends may feel uncomfortable with it, while with other friends I don't know, really. And that's all good, too! Everyone has their preferences. But I didn't know that was hindering me to not have like-minded people for certain subjects... or more than one person to have like-minded thoughts, anyways.
But in this server... my gosh I've felt far more open. Even socially I've bloomed up. I feel like I'm a part of this community even though I've only been in for THREE DAYS. It makes me want to interact with people in there (when I can) as well as talk about my own stuff and share my own things.
I even felt the want to go into a voice chat. AHH. But I'm at the hospital with my mom right now so I can't. xD;
A little tangent there, but the point is I found a place where I can share my taboo interests with and have people be EXCITED about it.
I know there's people on here and other places I'm in as well that are also excited about the stuff I draw in that regard and want to encourage me, but it's having a little "private" community that's helping me far more since I know everyone in this place at least has similar thoughts or are rational about it!
And it's because of them I feel I'll be able to be "me" more and feel more comfortable with letting people go who really can't stand what I do.
I easily get upset, so when I saw favorite artists unwatch me when I mentioned the incest thing, or seeing friends talk bad against it, implying artists who draw it are horrible people, I wanted to hide away.
But, really, I need to let these people go if they can't handle it.
I know it will still be a hard thing to overcome for me because of my personality, but I now have people I can directly talk to about it to make me feel better. Having several people talk at once helps more than a single person.
I've been so scared of backlash, but having people who can back me up if any of that happens feels so nice.
Other people will try to force their viewpoint onto me, thinking I am a certain way because I draw certain things, but that says more about them than me.
I separate reality from fantasy. If other people can't, that's their issue. :/ Just because I DRAW something that's a "taboo" doesn't mean I condone it irl. Don't project that onto me.
I want to gain people who will back me up and/or like what I do, and understand where I'm coming from. I don't want to worry about those who'd hate me for it.
I hope with this being said, I can draw and show more on what I like to do, like how I used to be. I was happiest back then.
I am of the mindset of "draw what you want" with no limits.
I think the only art I'd really look down on is hate art... but in that case I'll ignore it. People can still draw what they want.
And if people draw things of my characters I wouldn't want to see, that just makes them as a jackass. And don't respect me. I still heavily believe in being respectful towards other artists/people and their wishes, but if it's your own story and world? Do what you want!
There are of course subject matter I wouldn't want to see/find gross, but that's on me to simply avoid it. If I see something I don't like, I can x out and go away. That's what I wish others would do, too.
WITH THAT SAID I do feel sites could do better with filter systems... or people did better tagging their own work. Make it easier for people to avoid the content they don't want to see! I wanna do better with that, too. I still wanna be a bit sensitive to those who may not like what I draw! Make it easier for them to avoid, but still being able to draw what I want!
I wanna be true to myself. <3 Others should be, too, as long as they aren't harming people irl without consent!
I'll be putting warnings on all my pages on what I do so people know straight away!
:3 Yo, drawing art themes that people don't like is honestly terrifying. I really wish FA had actual filters because I'm certain that Most of the problems I have with people when I post my art would go away. FOlks who don't like [content] won't see it in the first place. FOlks who for some reason actively search for stuff they hate won't have an excuse anymore to "stumble across it and magically click it larger to experience disgust to comment mean things", and I wouldn;t have to watch my Watcher count literally equal out because of an art I like making. Man that always is disheartening.
I can always only ever tell people on here to skip that art, watch me on Weasyl (or another site with blacklists), or unwatch. It's sad to see that I can't do much for my own watchers here. <.< Still gunna post the things I like posting.
DeviantARt is only getting Half a blacklist so far, it doesn't work for gallery/notif. It only works for Browse/search. Hoping that they extend it further.
Yeaaah, maybe one day FA will get filters. One day. Maybe. >n> FFF
But honestly it's always so weird for me to see people bashing on fetishes on HERE. COME ON, FA IS FOR DRAWN PORN! SHHHH. MOVE ON.
POST WHAT YA WANT. <3
Yeah I hope DA updates on that as well. >.> Though there was a app that could be added to DA, and it did the same thing, and the creator said it would be extremely hard to filter out stuff from notifications and the like. Makes me wonder why. o.O
I used that Blacklist for DA. Maybe it was because it was third party that they couldn't filter notifications since from the notifications area doesn't use all of an art's info. I know that the app searches the submission for its tag info so it would work wherever a search would work and be able to pull up art from a tag, but only Thumbnail and title are given in notifs. It'd be easier if a blacklist was made from the site itself because it'd always have access to the tags to be able to filter associated with a certain art.
I really really really wish FA had a filter system!
There are a few amazing and incredible artists who I still consider some of my favorite artists -( I still would recommend them to many!) I've had to painfully unwatch them due to the content of SOME of their work and there not being a proper filter system.
It absolutely breaks my heart. I always worry they think that I don't like them or their work. I very much still want to enjoy their other works, but I also have to take self-care and be responsible over myself, too.
You gotta be you though. I'm happy you found a place to be.
But the good thing about FA is you don't know if someone is still watching you or not unless you go searching in your own list. (or if a frequent commenter stops cold turkey)
Yeah, these people who want to ruin lives are doing more harm than anyone drawing a simple drawing. eh...
thank you!
and no, at this point people like that aren't worth my time. There's a difference between "I don't care for that, but you go ahead" and "people who do this is disgusting" or even seeing people respond with "yikes". No more. :/
I HAVE lost some big fans of mine, but I can gain new ones instead. v_v I'm going to be me!