Hey guys, more of a serious journal here, but I just wanted to put this out there since you all are important to me, and I wanted to just kinda get this off my chest..

so for years, I've been struggling with my gender identity. I've never felt that I fit into either binary very well, so I just kind of floated around on the spectrum. Well, I've done a lot of thinking about my identity over the years and I've found that I feel comfortable and validated when I socially present as a male, over female or any sort of inbetween, really.

So after quite a bit of research and self-discovery, I've found that I am transgender.



This next section is possibly a little TMI, but I just want to further explain my thinking, since well, I'm still not *entirely* sure about all of this- I'm chugging along as I learn and grow!




So I typically experience a lot of top dysphoria.. i generally dislike my breasts, as they make my body feel like it's not mine. As for my lower half, I generally don't experience or feel any distaste for it, if that makes sense. I mean, having male genitalia would be nice, but it's not something I feel is a necessity for me, whereas I would like to possibly remove my breasts.

Now I've never really liked labels, to begin with. Labels to me feel a lot like boxes, and I've found that I never really fit into anyone else's "box". I was worried to think that I might be transgender for the longest time because I felt like I wouldn't fit into society's "box" for folks who are trans. I don't really have a will to medically transition, and I didn't want me referring to myself as transgender to be invalidating to others. Over time, however, i began to chat with transgender folks via multiple servers, chats, and just through everyday experiences.. and a lot of them helped me realize that I don't need any of that to be a 'true" or 'real" transgender person. They said that not all folks who are trans medically transition, and some of them even still accept the aspects of their sex that traditionally defined their past gender.. and that that's okay.

So after talking a lot with the people I love and hold close to me, I realized that I shouldn't be holding myself back from happiness due to a fear of not fitting in with what people traditionally view a certain subculture or group as. I spoke with Wesley, with my parents, and with my close friends, and the resounding support and recognition from them further validated my feelings that for many years I've suffered to properly try to explain.

I don't know if I'll ever fully slap "transgender" as a "title" beside my name and identity, and I'm unsure if I ever will. Some things I'm still trying to figure out. I am still with Wesley, as he is willing to support me regardless of who I am or what I will become. My parents still love me just as much as ever. And I can only hope that you all will grant me the same sort of support, as this has been very tough for me.

For the time being, I've found that the "label" I am most comfortable with is "genderqueer male", as that is honestly just what feels best. So the only thing I ask of you guys is that you use he/his pronouns with me, when possible, as I no longer feel entirely comfortable with female pronouns and associations. Calling me Wolfy is still fine and dandy, and wolfy will always be my main sona and a reflection to me as a person, even if Aidan fits some aspects of me a little better at times X3 you can call me either or in that regard, though if you are referring to me IRL, I'd much prefer Aidan over my real name.





Sorry if this has all been kind of jumbled or confusing, I just really wanted to get this off my chest and let you all know a little bit about what's been going on with me socially and emotionally.