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An Update
6 years ago
*Commissions are now offered through journals! Keep a lookout for them!*
|| Trello| TOS |Business HRS/Schedule || Don’t know how many will see this.
I’ve not been doing mentally well for quite some time now. Being isolated is pure torture to the soul and mind and I’ve basically gotten to the point of feeling extremely closed off. I know my true self is hiding in the darkness, what I used to be before everything basically shattered. But I’ve just grown very tired.
I’ve been blaming myself for not trying hard enough, for not being good enough, not doing enough.
I just feel extremely alone and friendless. Worthless. Pointless.
I’m just a dark husk and an empty shell that lost so much of my light and passion over these past few months. My secret project is going mostly ok, but my luster is just so faded I lose so much motivation.
I’m really sorry I haven’t been very active here, and I’m sorry my Twitter is a mess, and I’m sorry I pour out my soul in these journals. I literally purposefully don’t feature them because I don’t feel people care anymore and I’m just hiding behind a screen. But I’m just a lonely soul who is too anxious and broken to try to interact with anyone or make new friends and connections.
I’m just... really unwell... I’m really sorry.
Also please don’t comment asking me to message you, I don’t have the energy to do it. I’ve lost motivation to reach out to anyone. I’m just at a terrible state and my brain has essentially convinced me no one cares and rather leave me silent and isolated because I’m a horrible human being who deserves nothing.
Sorry.
May delete this later... dunno...
I’ve not been doing mentally well for quite some time now. Being isolated is pure torture to the soul and mind and I’ve basically gotten to the point of feeling extremely closed off. I know my true self is hiding in the darkness, what I used to be before everything basically shattered. But I’ve just grown very tired.
I’ve been blaming myself for not trying hard enough, for not being good enough, not doing enough.
I just feel extremely alone and friendless. Worthless. Pointless.
I’m just a dark husk and an empty shell that lost so much of my light and passion over these past few months. My secret project is going mostly ok, but my luster is just so faded I lose so much motivation.
I’m really sorry I haven’t been very active here, and I’m sorry my Twitter is a mess, and I’m sorry I pour out my soul in these journals. I literally purposefully don’t feature them because I don’t feel people care anymore and I’m just hiding behind a screen. But I’m just a lonely soul who is too anxious and broken to try to interact with anyone or make new friends and connections.
I’m just... really unwell... I’m really sorry.
Also please don’t comment asking me to message you, I don’t have the energy to do it. I’ve lost motivation to reach out to anyone. I’m just at a terrible state and my brain has essentially convinced me no one cares and rather leave me silent and isolated because I’m a horrible human being who deserves nothing.
Sorry.
May delete this later... dunno...
If I can leave you with a thought, its this, movement forward is progress, no matter how slow it is.
The fact that it's apparently your own brain doing this, doesn't make that much difference. This is an abusive relationship that you're in. And you're going to get hurt if you don't start fighting back.
Understatement aside, "unwell" is pretty accurate. Get yourself to a doctor if you haven't already. Grab that phone, make an appointment, and keep it. That's what I think you should do.
I’m really stuck in a bad place in many ways, and I know my brain is relishing in the darkness I was put into. I do want therapy; but to really reiterate, I don’t want to feel like I have to rush through it.
I’m very aware that I have a lot of issues that aren’t just caused by myself but by another that has severely broken me. I want help, I NEED help, but I can’t do it through normal means and want to walk through it, not run.
I hope you understand.