I will be surprised if anyone reads this, guess I’m just try to get my mind straight more than anything. Right now as I write this the only thing I feel is anger and hurt. The only thing is I don’t know why these urges come over me. One minute I’m fine the next I want to kill everything around me. I take medication but there are times it doesn’t help. Last week I had a bad episode and my wife asked me what was bothering me. My exact words were that I wanted to kill my self because I couldn’t stand how I felt inside. Now that feeling is coming back. My wife wants to help me but I don’t know how to explain what’s wrong with me. She thinks I need to see a councilor but I don’t know if that would help. I guess for now i should go to bed seeing how I’m on call. The life of tow truck drive really sucks sometimes. I guess the only reason I do this job is because I like helping people. It’s sad that I make my living helping people and I can’t even help myself. Well gotta go just got another police call. If anyone reads this, thank you.