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A cautionary tale. (Long as hell get a sandwich)
6 years ago
This is not a new story. In fact, it's going to be turning a decade old.
But I sit and get mad a lot over my own stupidity in regards to it. More so, I get mad I didn't say something in public when it happened. Now it's so long past it'd be considered stirring up drama to bring it up. If you've followed me on Twitter you may know the more specific details as I have mentioned it there, but I'm going to post a redacted version here.
Mainly, my point is, if you don't feel like reading my rambling: Do not forgo your comfort just because someone can draw well. Do not let them manipulate you. Do not overlook behavior you wouldn't tolerate otherwise. Don't let them get away with treating you and others shoddily.
Long ago I was online friends with a very popular furry artist. Basically they started watching me, commenting on my work, and I loved their style and felt so flattered! Someone so popular and talented was giving me attention! This led to me attending their streams, and eventually they even made me a mod. They'd draw my character all the time and make me feel important.
At the time, I wasn't comfortable with Pie in sexual situations. At this point I don't care because frankly I can't control who draws what so why even bother trying? I don't see her as a sexual character personally so it just comes off as silly to me.
Now, this person's art is almost always sexual in one way or another. But at first they didn't draw Pie in any way I'd object to. Slowly, however, they started 'testing the waters', so to speak. They'd start trying out things and see if I'd let them do it. One piece I didn't even really realize was very sexual until later, and I was so mortified. I made sure this person understood I didn't like this. But at one point they basically said to me "If you don't let me draw porn of Pie I probably won't draw her anymore."
I know. I know. A smarter person would have said "Yeah okay, bye creepo." at that exact point. Because the fuck? See, this is why I get angry about it still. Me today would not have tolerated that shit and made a big, loud fuss about it. Around this same time I'd caught wind of their ... obsession with exes of theirs. Exes they still tried to contact in spite of all signs pointing to the ex not wanting them to talk to them anymore. They would still draw art of this person, even. It was a huge red flag.
So I tried to 'leave' them. I stopped going to their streams, I unfollowed them on FA. I was going to do what my gut had been telling me to do. But ... I missed the attention a little. I missed the streams. I hate to admit it now because WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, PIE? But I slipped back into their streams and rewatched them. They messaged me shortly after with a thinly veiled threat about 'believing rumors' about them. I regretted it instantly, but stuck around for more time.
Eventually, someone who actually was a good friend to me ... I guess I can say since she's passed: I miss you
kayla-la. But Kayla was an amazing person. She was always so kind to me. I respected her opinions. She said to me, "I don't really understand why you're friends with them. You don't seem like the type of person to suffer fools gladly."
I realized she was right. I wasn't respecting myself. I wasn't being me. I had nothing in common with this person, conversations with them generally made me feel uncomfortable and frankly the person themselves didn't have much substance to them aside from that. They could draw and ... that was about it.
I made up an excuse. I said something shitty they'd done recently was the last straw. If I were going to do it all over again I would've just said the real reason. But I blocked them. It was done ...
... or so I thought.
You see, the next time I went to Anthrocon they'd apparently tried to get someone to take photographs of me, knowing very well how much I dislike my appearance and had a phobia about that sort of thing. Thank goodness they sucked at reading people and asked someone who had a conscience and wasn't about to do something like that just because they could draw well. I also caught wind of some other unpleasant things they were saying. It all confirmed I'd done the right thing. This person didn't actually care about me, or like me. I'm not sure they're honestly capable of caring about anybody. I was just a commodity. Just a character.
Now and again I still run into art this person made. There's not much I can do - it's the internet. But I can use my story to make others think about what they put up with from who and why.
Thanks for listening.
ETA: Thank you everyone replying with their own stories and kind words. I don't always reply but I read every comment.
But I sit and get mad a lot over my own stupidity in regards to it. More so, I get mad I didn't say something in public when it happened. Now it's so long past it'd be considered stirring up drama to bring it up. If you've followed me on Twitter you may know the more specific details as I have mentioned it there, but I'm going to post a redacted version here.
Mainly, my point is, if you don't feel like reading my rambling: Do not forgo your comfort just because someone can draw well. Do not let them manipulate you. Do not overlook behavior you wouldn't tolerate otherwise. Don't let them get away with treating you and others shoddily.
Long ago I was online friends with a very popular furry artist. Basically they started watching me, commenting on my work, and I loved their style and felt so flattered! Someone so popular and talented was giving me attention! This led to me attending their streams, and eventually they even made me a mod. They'd draw my character all the time and make me feel important.
At the time, I wasn't comfortable with Pie in sexual situations. At this point I don't care because frankly I can't control who draws what so why even bother trying? I don't see her as a sexual character personally so it just comes off as silly to me.
Now, this person's art is almost always sexual in one way or another. But at first they didn't draw Pie in any way I'd object to. Slowly, however, they started 'testing the waters', so to speak. They'd start trying out things and see if I'd let them do it. One piece I didn't even really realize was very sexual until later, and I was so mortified. I made sure this person understood I didn't like this. But at one point they basically said to me "If you don't let me draw porn of Pie I probably won't draw her anymore."
I know. I know. A smarter person would have said "Yeah okay, bye creepo." at that exact point. Because the fuck? See, this is why I get angry about it still. Me today would not have tolerated that shit and made a big, loud fuss about it. Around this same time I'd caught wind of their ... obsession with exes of theirs. Exes they still tried to contact in spite of all signs pointing to the ex not wanting them to talk to them anymore. They would still draw art of this person, even. It was a huge red flag.
So I tried to 'leave' them. I stopped going to their streams, I unfollowed them on FA. I was going to do what my gut had been telling me to do. But ... I missed the attention a little. I missed the streams. I hate to admit it now because WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, PIE? But I slipped back into their streams and rewatched them. They messaged me shortly after with a thinly veiled threat about 'believing rumors' about them. I regretted it instantly, but stuck around for more time.
Eventually, someone who actually was a good friend to me ... I guess I can say since she's passed: I miss you
kayla-la. But Kayla was an amazing person. She was always so kind to me. I respected her opinions. She said to me, "I don't really understand why you're friends with them. You don't seem like the type of person to suffer fools gladly." I realized she was right. I wasn't respecting myself. I wasn't being me. I had nothing in common with this person, conversations with them generally made me feel uncomfortable and frankly the person themselves didn't have much substance to them aside from that. They could draw and ... that was about it.
I made up an excuse. I said something shitty they'd done recently was the last straw. If I were going to do it all over again I would've just said the real reason. But I blocked them. It was done ...
... or so I thought.
You see, the next time I went to Anthrocon they'd apparently tried to get someone to take photographs of me, knowing very well how much I dislike my appearance and had a phobia about that sort of thing. Thank goodness they sucked at reading people and asked someone who had a conscience and wasn't about to do something like that just because they could draw well. I also caught wind of some other unpleasant things they were saying. It all confirmed I'd done the right thing. This person didn't actually care about me, or like me. I'm not sure they're honestly capable of caring about anybody. I was just a commodity. Just a character.
Now and again I still run into art this person made. There's not much I can do - it's the internet. But I can use my story to make others think about what they put up with from who and why.
Thanks for listening.
ETA: Thank you everyone replying with their own stories and kind words. I don't always reply but I read every comment.
Unfortunately, you really can't bury it. Things like this tend to become a part of your life, so you have to start building around them.
I've been there, but in a different sort of relationship. There was a woman I worked with who took an interest in me, about 30 years ago. That in itself might have been a bad idea; there were only about 20 people on the whole crew. She had a teenage daughter from her first marriage and a toddler from her second; she was a recent widow. She just started becoming a little more bizarre as time went on, and even coworkers mentioned it. I finally got loose of her (hard when it's someone you work with) and went my own way. 15 years later, I got a call from her lawyer. I had been named in a paternity suit -- for the kid who was already 13 months old when I met her mother. The DNA test proved I couldn't even be a distant relative. Still, weird kind of controlling personality living in their own fantasy world fueled at the expense of others.
At this point though, I don't hate him, I mean I will never have anything positive to say about him unless it was just the truth, I more pity him, cause it dawned on me over time not only how pathetic he truly was. But he was even more alone then I ever was, that I was the only person in his entire life who ever treated him as a worthwhile person. Of course if I went into detail about how he treated me, you would easily understand that I was dealing with a super toxic shit barrel in the form of a human, and I am far better off without him around.
Besides, I have real, honest to god true friends now. I wouldn't trade them for anything.
Ironically, to me happened the oposite xD people trying to "befriend me" to try to get free arts. And my lack of ability to say No to people, sometimes get thrm what they wanted snd start to abuse..
Indeed, bad experiences snd situations end up hardening people and end the good "dude" on us. XP
Amyway. Wish you the best. Keep doing cute arts ^^
I think you did the right thing by posting.
I probably deserved that. Get some dang pants, Pie!
because butt is funny
I'm sorry you experienced this, but I'm glad it gave you the wisdom to understand it in the future.
But, damn. What a creep???
I'm sure you look amazing in real life, but I understand... me, I Might qualify as a solid three on a scale of one to ten, but considering the number of rejections I've had in the last 20 years I'm not even sure of that any more.
You Are A Good Artist. silly, maybe, but I followed you because I like your art. I stuck around because you seem like a good person as well.
also I wanted to see what pure hell your commissioners would put Electra through next
I hope your story can help others to understand themself and what they are going through instead of suffering.
So on their behalf, I say thank you for having the courage to share this story with us.
I think I just like getting a good hate on every now and then.
I guess to summarize: It sucks that this happened to you, and I'm glad that you feel like you can talk about it now instead of pushing it down. It's brave to be scared or hurt about something and still talk about it.
<3 Fox
I went through much the same situation with the exact same lesson learned in the hard way of doing so.
Long story short, I sympathize. Thanks for sharing, it helps.