Just so yall know, no, don't take this journal to be some sorta depressive cry for help or anything. It really, really is not like that. I'm just a little bummed out. But I'm 100% safe, sane and hunky dorey living and do not want to change that.

I lost two molars last year and gained some health problems due to infection. I felt like an old man. I'm only in my 30s, but well, in human terms, that's old enough.

I'm old enough to have been an adult for 17 years. There's a seventeen year old walking around that has been alive as long as I've been an adult. (Just a hypothetical, I'm not referring to any kids. I don't have any.)

Death is never a fun part of life. It's a tragedy that's sudden and unexpected when you're young, but when you're old, it's a loss from the shared history. Like when a 120+ year old tortoise just up and croaks. Yeah, animals die every day, but there's history there. There's venerability. Most everybody that turtle knew when they were a hatchling are gone, now.

Whether that ending comes from a sudden life that puffs out, or something like the ending of a story. Or a phenomenon.

I don't mind being alone, but I don't consider myself alone if the people I care about are still alive. But every day I think about the inevitable, if I naturally live long enough. One day, if I'm able to live that long, everyone and everything that comprises what I grew up in, knowing, doing, is going to not exist anymore. And there's nothing that can be done about it.

I guess it boils down to, we all just want more time to exist and be. Sudden endings are an uprooting of the world we like to live in.