--starting rant, a lengthy read, you have been warned, PS No TL;DR--

So, I have been in a "in and out mood" when it comes to doing artwork, now it's not quite what it sounds like, but let me explain. I have drawing ideas all the time and when I draw it out and start to color I get a different idea and I trail off of the original idea I was on, then I get in a mood where I don't feel like going back to any older image and I feel like I should but don't, then I get sort of depressed that I don't feel like completing said image and I stop drawing.

This is what I call a "in and out mood". Since my schedule change I have adapted pretty well to it since my update 3 months ago on that change, but when I tried to stream after work I ended up not getting the sleep I need for work, sometimes I only get 3 hours of sleep for work on some nights. This totally kills my days off as I tend to sink into video games because I end up not feeling to do artwork.

The goal I set for myself this year was to make more images that were completed such as character or characters with a fully done background, but the ideas I have mostly had were just best as sketches. The only actual image I really got to complete was the Tammy and Tracy pillow fight image as my latest submission and it's background isn't exactly what I would call "complete" to my eyes anyway. A goal is a goal it's not a big deal if I don't meet it right?.. actually to me I don't like not hitting goals I set and generally I am more harsh to myself about it.

I like making things, always have, the comic I want to do is always out of reach, goals to learn 3D and other things is always out stretched and I can't meet my own expectations. Streaming has also been something I do on/off and I can't keep a consistent schedule, seeing some casual faces/names come into my stream, would say "Hi" via voice or text no response and then gone, I know people have things to do places to go people to talk to, but I enjoy streaming to make stuff for people to watch, it feels like when people leave I am not entertaining enough or what I am creating isn't worth their time, I don't usual;ly get feedback from anyone on these things so I wouldn't know what answer is more than likely, most the things I make I rarely get that many favorites unless it's a completed image as an example Tammy and Tracy pillow fighting.

I wanna keep streaming for those that want to support me by commissioning me, but when I don't have a lot of people watching I tend to become discouraged, then again Thursday's and Friday's off isn't exactly great days for streaming at least from what I know. I was doing these freebie sketches and it was great the first few times I did it and I got some good practice in, but the decline of people coming to it just sorta killed it for me. It's why I have not done one in a while, not many show to my stream that used to get something from it, no incentive no watch *shrugs*.

I am still on a weird hiatus I want to make more artwork, but I feel like my online presence means little, I don't feel like the things I make are good enough not just for myself, but to others as well. I am not feeling down or depressed nor stressed these are just thoughts I have on a daily basis when it comes to being home and I sit in front of my PC as I think up what I would like to do and ends up killing my mood mostly.

Not sure if anyone else has these kind of thoughts but I figured it would make a half-way decent read of a journal if anyone does read it. If you managed this far I congratulate you I think this is one of the longest journals I have ever wrote.

Till the next journal, take care.