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An Apology
6 years ago
Hi all, It's Viv again.
I just want to apologize to everyone who has been waiting on me for commissions, whether they have paid or are still waiting for me to contact them with progress that needs to be made before they are to pay.
I admit, things have been a little rough in my brain lately and I feel terrible about having things pile up to this point. I've always sideeyed artists who take so many commissions and have people waiting for literal years, but continue to take and complete other commissions before working on the earliest ones. I don't ever want it to get to that point. I never wanna be in that position. I still dont condone it.
I currently have 15 commissions in my queue. Here is a picture of them in my (private) trello
https://i.imgur.com/dpdvipV.png
Green is Paid, 9/15
Yellow is Unpaid, 6/15
Orange is In progress, 5/15
Red is not started yet 10/15
I'm just so stressed by all this. I realize its my own fault for taking so many before I finished others, but...I'm constantly in peril of not having enough money for rent anyway. :/ I wish I had the energy to work more than 2 hours per day, hell, some days i barely manage 15 minutes. It's insanity. I hate my brain.
I'm not in any position to be able to offer refunds on existing commissions, and pulling back current commissions that havent been paid for yet, isnt going to relieve my stress, its just gonna make me feel more guilty and feel like a bigger failure for missing out.
This is unrelated, but I also feel so insignificant because theres a lot of people my age and younger already in the animation industry, meanwhile I dont even have time to make an animation portfolio in the first place. But dont get me wrong, I love my freelance work. I just wish I had more energy.
To be clear, I'm not asking for advice on time management and energy conservation. I'm ADHD, so some strategies only work for a short time anyway. How I would describe it is sometimes I feel like my brain starts just screaming like an infant when I try to do things I genuinely wanna do. It's so distracting and distressing.
Again, I wanna thank everyone for being patient with me in these hard times... I wanna be stronger for you all, I wish I could snap out art everyday like the good ol days of 2017. But my art folders have been becoming smaller every year since then. I've gotten technically better, but my fear has put my willingness to experiment into the toilet.
To be clear, what I'm asking for in this journal is your forgiveness and some comfort... Thanks again.
I just want to apologize to everyone who has been waiting on me for commissions, whether they have paid or are still waiting for me to contact them with progress that needs to be made before they are to pay.
I admit, things have been a little rough in my brain lately and I feel terrible about having things pile up to this point. I've always sideeyed artists who take so many commissions and have people waiting for literal years, but continue to take and complete other commissions before working on the earliest ones. I don't ever want it to get to that point. I never wanna be in that position. I still dont condone it.
I currently have 15 commissions in my queue. Here is a picture of them in my (private) trello
https://i.imgur.com/dpdvipV.png
Green is Paid, 9/15
Yellow is Unpaid, 6/15
Orange is In progress, 5/15
Red is not started yet 10/15
I'm just so stressed by all this. I realize its my own fault for taking so many before I finished others, but...I'm constantly in peril of not having enough money for rent anyway. :/ I wish I had the energy to work more than 2 hours per day, hell, some days i barely manage 15 minutes. It's insanity. I hate my brain.
I'm not in any position to be able to offer refunds on existing commissions, and pulling back current commissions that havent been paid for yet, isnt going to relieve my stress, its just gonna make me feel more guilty and feel like a bigger failure for missing out.
This is unrelated, but I also feel so insignificant because theres a lot of people my age and younger already in the animation industry, meanwhile I dont even have time to make an animation portfolio in the first place. But dont get me wrong, I love my freelance work. I just wish I had more energy.
To be clear, I'm not asking for advice on time management and energy conservation. I'm ADHD, so some strategies only work for a short time anyway. How I would describe it is sometimes I feel like my brain starts just screaming like an infant when I try to do things I genuinely wanna do. It's so distracting and distressing.
Again, I wanna thank everyone for being patient with me in these hard times... I wanna be stronger for you all, I wish I could snap out art everyday like the good ol days of 2017. But my art folders have been becoming smaller every year since then. I've gotten technically better, but my fear has put my willingness to experiment into the toilet.
To be clear, what I'm asking for in this journal is your forgiveness and some comfort... Thanks again.
The guilt goes away immediately if you accept pay after delivery or after a wip. I'm such a hot mess, I'll never trust myself with upfront pay again