Here we are again with another generation of Pokemon games on the horizon. Seems that all the new Pokemon have been leaked as well, and I caught a glimpse of them. It's safe to assume I am less than impressed.

To start things off, these are big spoilers, so don't read if you don't want to be spoiled on the new Pokemon. Also, in general I'm going to be pretty harsh on the new designs, so be prepared to see consistent criticism (I at least tried to make it a semi-entertaining read, though). Also note that I love the Pokemon series, especially the waifus, so that's the main reason behind my criticisms. I want the games to be better, and I think they could be better.

With that out of the way, let's get started.


Grookey/Thwackey/Rillaboom - Chimchar is the superior starter monkey in my eyes, so I didn't really get my hopes up for Grookey. Grookey looks cute, as all first-form starters should, but Thwackey came out as rather generic, and concerning Rillaboom, any sense of powerful forest-dwelling behemoth is lost due to his drumstick, and the likelihood that his giant club is a drum. That's like an orc warrior carrying a tea cup. It's also mono-type, which is a death sentence in the online meta. Otherwise, he's the "best" design out of the fully-evolved starters.

Scorbunny/Raboot/Cinderace - Scorbunny had a lot of potential - it looks cute and huggable, and is my favorite of the first form starters. Instead, it evolves into furry Naruto, and then into a man in a fursuit. I don't know how they messed that one up - fire rabbits practically design themselves. Cinderace ends up being mono-type, but at least it isn't Fire/Fighting. Game Freak managed to dodge that bullet somehow.

Sobble/Drizzile/Inteleon - Sobble is kinda cute (albeit whiny looking), Drizzile looks like an emo teen, and Inteleon comes off as an anemic hipster in a lycra suit (much like Cinderace). Mono-type, and a wasted opportunity. He could have at least been Water/Ghost.

Rookidee/Corvisquire/Corviknight - The designs are passable, but Corviknight's color palette is sorta boring - it's all one color. Despite that, I actually like them all as a whole. They don't come off as useless, which most tri-form birds end up being. Steel/Flying is also an OP typing, and I would have used it on my team, if I were destined to buy SwSh. Alas...

Skwovet/Greedent - Painfully generic Normal-type rodent that every generation MUST have. Looks like a bad Deviantart fakemon. Not sure why they keep churning these out, they don't accomplish anything.

Wooloo/Dubwool - Wooloo is a mix of dumb and cute, and had a little potential, but Dubwool just fails. It could have been a semi-menacing ram with armor-shaped fluff (hell, even a fluffy tuxedo would have passed better), but it simply HAS to be fat and dopey with an angry face, kinda like a morbidly obese alligator.

Gossifleur/Eldegoss - Both aren't atrocious, though Eldegoss' design is a tad underwhelming - there's nothing grand or "final form" about it. Mono-grass type is also played to death and needs to stop being a thing with new Pokemon. We already have 38 of them.

Nickit/Thievul - Nickit is kinda cute, but Thievul? A fox with a mustache... yawn. Also mono-dark type, and definitely™ not a clone of Alolan Persian, Liepard, or Mightyena.

Yamper/Bolthund - Yamper is dopey and somehow manages to be annoying to look at. It comes complete with a giant blister for a neck, and it evolves into a dog with crack addict eyes and a design that reminds me of generic superhero tights, like a bootleg version of the Flash.

Milcery/Alcremie - Not awful but not great. The designs are a little bland, and forces the "stupidly cute" trope, which I'm usually not a fan of.

Blipbug/Dottler/Orbeetle - What did they accomplish with this exactly, besides the new typing? They basically rehashed the Vikavolt evolutions, but with even more straight lines.

Morpeko - Why does Game Freak keep churning out Pikachu clones every generation? A basic attempt was made with Morpeko, but the color scheme is bland, and the "hangry" form is the raw embodiment of "rawr XDDD", and all it does is fill me with contempt. I can almost hear Luxray's sobbing as Morpeko becomes the first Electric/Dark Pokemon.

Chewtle/Drednaw - Chewtle looks like Alfalfa from the Little Rascals. It has a huge head and dopey buck teeth, and is likely grumpy due to its flawed existence. It didn't ask for Arceus to leave it unfinished like that, the poor thing. Drednaw almost passed the mark, but its flat, can-shaped face isn't attractive. Everything from the neck down is cool, though.

Hattena/Hattrem/Hatterene - Nice pastel colors, and lots of potential for waifu status with the third form, but they're still a rehash of Alakazam/Gardevoir/Gothitelle.

Arrokuda/Barraskewda - Arrokuda looks dopey, but not irredeemably so. Barraskewda doesn't go far beyond it's predecessor, but gives off a rugged enough vibe to pass. The names and the mono-typing are kinda lame, though.

Cramorant - So generic I have little to say. Not sure if that's a good or bad thing for it.

Silicobra/Sandaconda - Silicobra looks dumb, but HAD some potential. Sandaconda looks like a white poop passing through a striped anus. It could have been a really cool Pokemon... instead, we got a Ground-type turd.

Sinistea/Polteageist - Not good but not bad, and not much to comment on other than "lol british xDDD"

Rolycoly/Carkoal/Coalossal - The first two have rather dumb designs. Rolycoly is a rock on a wheel, and Carkoal looks like a pile of sheep turds. Coalossal redeems things a bit, with a slightly nostalgic body design, but still has a Marge Simpson afro made of domesticated mammal dung. The typing is neat, at least. I wish form two and three kept the red eyes, though.

Cufant/Copperajah - The shape of these things are borderline offensive. They remind me of that one elephant shopkeeper from Chowder, who also lacked in visual impressiveness. They also remind me of preschooler toys, or a knick knack that you just can't help but want to smash.

Impidimp/Morgrem/Grimmsnarl - Dark/Fairy is an interesting typing, but that's where the positive qualities end. Impidimp is the definition of dopey, and has a cartoonishly large head that is unfitting for its body. It seems like a villain I'd find on a pre-K cartoon. Morgrem comes off as a teenage drug dealer. I definitely wouldn't trust my kids around that thing. Finally, it evolves into something reasonably aggressive-looking, but then you realize it looks like a wad of hair you'd find caught in your shower drain come to life.

Toxel/Toxtricity - Much like the previous, Toxel gives me the pre-K cartoon vibe, but at least the typing is unique. Toxtricity has stubby, useless-looking Shrek legs, and is overdesigned, with lots of plastic knobs taped to him that give off the same vibe as a dog's chew toy. At least he looks somewhat aggressive.

Snom/Frosmoth - Introducing the only two designs I actually like! Snom gives off that infant Digimon vibe, and in the right way - a simple larva with a lot of potential. Frosmoth is a liiittle underwhelming, but could be much, much worse. The colors and shapes are rather pleasant to me, and the typing is also unique. Kinda wished it would have replaced Orbeetle as this generation's three-form insect line.

Sizzlipede/Centiskorch - I appreciate the color scheme and typing, but the head shape throws me off. Both look like fruit roll-ups, and would have been much better served with a head that's more "insect" than "strip of old bacon". Are mandibles too much to ask for?

Clobbopus/Grapploct - Nothing revolutionary over here. Overall these two seem like a rehash of Crabrawler/Crabominable (the latter of which is, in my opinion, one of the worst Pokemon designs ever made). The two REALLY should have been Water/Fighting, rather than just mono-Fighting.

Duraludon - I think whoever designed this thing might have asked their child to make a shape out of playdoh, and the result was made into a Pokemon. It's literally a walking L (Game Freak is holding a lot of Ls these days, zinggg). Everything about it is strange and off-putting. I can't even comprehend how the thing walks. It's even more disappointing due to the fact that Dragon/Steel is one of the best typings in the game.

Stonjourner - Easily one of the worst Pokemon of this generation. They took Stonehenge and gave it shoes. Why?

Pincurchin - Isn't this just a mono-electric Pyukumuku? What does this design accomplish?

Ideedee - Looks like an edgy Audino with crescent rolls taped to its head, and somehow manages to have an even blander color scheme. Psychic/Steel is a nice typing, at least.

Applin/Flapple/Appletun - Normally I hate it when Game Freak takes inanimate objects and turns them into Pokemon, but something about Applin made it seem like it had potential, like it'll evolve into something redeemable. Unfortunately, it evolves into a flying apple... named Flapple (the name alone makes my spine hurt). Initially I thought that was where the evolution line stopped, but then Appletun was revealed - possibly the dopiest thing I've ever seen. It's Puff the Magic Dragon with a hollowed-out apple glued over its eyes, and its entire body is an apple-pie-colored tumor. It could have easily been a Torterra-style dragon/apple tree hybrid that grows Applin from its branches, but instead, Game Freak chose a terminal case of apple pie.

Eiscue - Stonjourner was the worst? Just kidding, it's Eiscue. A penguin with a block of ice for a head. I can, and have, drawn better Pokemon than this. If I can unironically do better than that, you KNOW Game Freak has a problem.

Dreepy/Drakloak/Dragapult - The new pseudo-legendary dragon line. I'm okay-ish with Dreepy - he seemed like he had a bit of potential - but then the inanimate-object-turned-Pokemon trope kicked in, and all we're left with is a lizard with a plane for a head. It'll likely be particularly good online, so I guess I'll just have to get used to being Shadowball'd by it.

Falinks - It could have been a centipede that only vaguely resembled a line of circular spartan Kirbys. Instead, we got a line of circular spartan Kirbys. Mono-fighting too... yawn.

Dracozolt/Arctozolt/Dracovish/Arctovish - Okay, I'm going to be absolutely real with you here. Stonjourner and Eiscue aren't the worst (they're pretty bad, but not the worst). In reality, the fossilmons of this generation are the worst designs I've ever seen come out of Game Freak's twisted drawing board in a long time. All four are an absolute mess on all fronts. They basically have exposed flesh that would normally be hemorrhaging blood. They all look like they're in pain. I'd feel awful if I was responsible for bringing these things into existence. The idea of them being mismatched fossils could have been something neat, but rather than making the parts match anatomically, they just glued them together. The worst part is that the individual pieces could have made for good looking Pokemon - the yellow raptor and fish especially. Overall, I think these four will be a stain on Game Freak for years to come. Best of luck to the employees in other departments tasked with making merchandise of these things. They'll probably sell as well as a mild case of jaundice.

Zacian/Zamazenta - Not put off by the designs, these are solid legendaries with decent typings. I still feel neutral about them overall, but they could have been a lot worse.

Eternatus - Looks menacing and otherworldly, but it reminds me of an interview with a Pokemon designer from way back where they explained their philosophy of designing Pokemon simple-ish enough for kids to draw. This Pokemon is proof that that philosophy is long out the window. Despite that, I kind of like the design, just don't expect me to draw that thing.

Galarian Meowth/Purrserker - No one asked for another Meowth form. Alolan Persian was bad enough. But now we have Meowth, reduced to gremlin status, and it no longer evolves into a cat. They both get a hard no from me.

Galarian Ponyta/Rapidash - Ponyta I dislike, but don't hate. It's obviously a My Little Pony knock off, so it won't be my cup of tea no matter how you slice it. Galarian Rapidash, on the other hand, gives off the "I hate my owner for dying my hair and styling it this way" vibe. It's also another Psychic/Fairy to add to the pile.

Galarian Farfetch'd/Sirfetch'd - An interesting choice for a Farfetch'd redux, which is what it desperately needed. Sirfetch'd I'm not put off by, I just wish it was more than just mono-Fighting. We have more than 20 of those already.

Galarian Weezing - Weezing with smokestack tophats and smog facial hair. It's Alolan Golem all over again. Hard no.

Galarian Mr. Mime/Mr. Rime - I don't know why Mr. Mime needed an ice form. Mr. Rime's design also doesn't seem to accomplish anything. Nothing new is really added to his silhouette or color scheme, besides the ice cane and his "clothes". He's very forgettable, and somewhat hard to distinguish from his previous form.

Galarian Corsola/Cursola - Unlike Galarian Weezing, this was an actual clever idea. IRL coral can become bleached due to pollution, which is what's happening with Corsola here. Cursola is also kind of spooky, with its ghostly innards shooting out like a tree, and its exoskeleton "feet" remaining. Still neutral on it, though. I would have been more satisfied with it being Water/Ghost.

Galarian Stunfisk - A Galarian form won't convince me to ever like Stunfisk, even if its now a bear trap. I still consider it one of the worst designs to come out of Gen5. Game Freak didn't fix Stunfisk, because they can't fix Stunfisk.

Galarian Zigzagoon/Linoone/Obstagoon - I'm glad they breathed new life into Generic Normal-type Two-Form Rodent #3, but did it have to be Alolan Raticate all over again? Obstagoon gives off the "man in a suit" vibe, though, so overall I'm not necessarily a fan.

Galarian Darumaka/Darmanitan - Darumaka is actually cute, and has better colors than its regular form. I'm going to abstain from commenting on Galarian Darmanitan, because I think there's actual controversy to be had with its design, and I'd rather not get wrapped up in having to explain it. It should be mildly obvious what the issue is, though.

Galarian Yamask/Runerigus - Not sure why they couldn't have made it Galarian Cofagrigus, but oh well. Not good but not bad. Could be worse.

In summation, I think there are four designs I like (Scorbunny, Rookidee, Corvisquire, Corviknight) and two designs I really like (Snow and Frosmoth), but the rest I'm either neutral on, or really dislike. I think the new art director (James Turner I think?) wasn't ready for the position. Even if all the new Pokemon were smash hits, the game still has a ton of issues, so much like Ultra Sun/Ultra Moon, I'm gonna take a rain check on these games. I just hope they get it together with the Diamond/Pearl remakes.