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Personal Life update or whatever!
6 years ago
General
Hey guys, I know I've been pretty shy about sharing stuff in my personal life but I feel like I'm at a point where i should share a little so you understand why things have been so stop and go this year, so if you wanted to know a bit more about me, here we go!
I've been in a long marriage for 12 years full of all the typical problems mixed orientation marriages have. We probably got married too young, both of us pretty introverted and socially anxious. She was from the suburbs, moved down to the city and fell in with all the weird art kids and punks and I was trying desperately to claw out of that... between loosing friends to drugs and violence and stuff, I needed a safe place i could grow and get stable and she was there for me. She was the valedictorian and me... well i barely finished high school after i dodged expulsion by going through state rehab. But I got clean, i went to college, got better at art, graduated with honors. She made things better. We tried over the years to make the bi thing work, but surprise surprise, most strait girls don't really go for submissive gay guys, so my own strait side became my only expression. It was difficult to slide into this place where all my LGBTQ friends saw me as a strait ally, and my family saw as this gay time bomb, but that's one of the hard things about being bi, no one knows where you fit.
I bounced around from illustration jobs and concept art jobs working in New York, always doing one licensed thing after another and just slowly dying inside, living in a sexless marriage, until i got laid off. NYC isn't really a big video game town, and it's become less so over the years and i couldn't find another job quickly. To make ends meet i started doing private commissions and freelance, finding my way back to the reasons I first picked up art, furry porn and fantasy art lol. It's stuff I had been obsessed with when i was a kid, and now i was doing it again. It felt REALLY good. Some friends encouraged me to stream and post some of my private comic work, and I started to keep myself afloat and scrape by every month. I was shocked. I never thought anyone would actually like the things that I liked, or support me in living my dreams. I had resigned myself to having to hide the best parts of myself, but because of all of you, my FA family, I felt like I could be myself.
It's not an easy job though, and it requires, especially at the start, all your time and then some. Me and my wife had begun to just move in completely different directions. She used to say I was a wild adventure, but I had become a shy, nerdy, often depressed, workaholic drawing dog dicks in my room. It was only a matter of time before the whole thing fell apart, but we both felt like it was the right thing to do. It's been really emotional and hard, but we both still care about each other and are trying to do things in a loving manner but still, between filing paperwork with the court and packing and looking for places, there's been more then a few set backs to work. There's no way I would have held things together without my best friend Nayomii, she's been my rock through this whole thing, and I'm so grateful... if you don't know her by name, chances are you've talked to her in notes or journals. She manages most of my art (and a decent amount of my life lol, she just went and looked at apartments for me!)
TLDR: I'm still trying to keep up with comic work and patreon stuff and adopts and commissions and taxes but some days are harder then others. I really appreciate all of your patience and support while I'm trying to rebuild my life. Nayomii is very organized and we have detailed notes on all commissions that need to be done and I'm working as much as i can, when I can. I'm hoping after I move next week, I'll be able to burn through the backlog before the new year.
Thanks again for all your support as I move into this scary and exciting new phase of my life!
I've been in a long marriage for 12 years full of all the typical problems mixed orientation marriages have. We probably got married too young, both of us pretty introverted and socially anxious. She was from the suburbs, moved down to the city and fell in with all the weird art kids and punks and I was trying desperately to claw out of that... between loosing friends to drugs and violence and stuff, I needed a safe place i could grow and get stable and she was there for me. She was the valedictorian and me... well i barely finished high school after i dodged expulsion by going through state rehab. But I got clean, i went to college, got better at art, graduated with honors. She made things better. We tried over the years to make the bi thing work, but surprise surprise, most strait girls don't really go for submissive gay guys, so my own strait side became my only expression. It was difficult to slide into this place where all my LGBTQ friends saw me as a strait ally, and my family saw as this gay time bomb, but that's one of the hard things about being bi, no one knows where you fit.
I bounced around from illustration jobs and concept art jobs working in New York, always doing one licensed thing after another and just slowly dying inside, living in a sexless marriage, until i got laid off. NYC isn't really a big video game town, and it's become less so over the years and i couldn't find another job quickly. To make ends meet i started doing private commissions and freelance, finding my way back to the reasons I first picked up art, furry porn and fantasy art lol. It's stuff I had been obsessed with when i was a kid, and now i was doing it again. It felt REALLY good. Some friends encouraged me to stream and post some of my private comic work, and I started to keep myself afloat and scrape by every month. I was shocked. I never thought anyone would actually like the things that I liked, or support me in living my dreams. I had resigned myself to having to hide the best parts of myself, but because of all of you, my FA family, I felt like I could be myself.
It's not an easy job though, and it requires, especially at the start, all your time and then some. Me and my wife had begun to just move in completely different directions. She used to say I was a wild adventure, but I had become a shy, nerdy, often depressed, workaholic drawing dog dicks in my room. It was only a matter of time before the whole thing fell apart, but we both felt like it was the right thing to do. It's been really emotional and hard, but we both still care about each other and are trying to do things in a loving manner but still, between filing paperwork with the court and packing and looking for places, there's been more then a few set backs to work. There's no way I would have held things together without my best friend Nayomii, she's been my rock through this whole thing, and I'm so grateful... if you don't know her by name, chances are you've talked to her in notes or journals. She manages most of my art (and a decent amount of my life lol, she just went and looked at apartments for me!)
TLDR: I'm still trying to keep up with comic work and patreon stuff and adopts and commissions and taxes but some days are harder then others. I really appreciate all of your patience and support while I'm trying to rebuild my life. Nayomii is very organized and we have detailed notes on all commissions that need to be done and I'm working as much as i can, when I can. I'm hoping after I move next week, I'll be able to burn through the backlog before the new year.
Thanks again for all your support as I move into this scary and exciting new phase of my life!
Keep in touch :)
If you love doing art, keep at it. I know the fandom can be both a blessing and a curse, so I sincerely hope you never lose the spark or find ways to keep it going.
I hope you're holding together all right and that your future is a very bright one. I look forward to cheering you on as you go!
I honestly do hope my comments here have helped keep your
spirits up, even if just a little. I also feel I understand the place
Tusk comes from, a little better now.
Honest to God, it's at times like these when I wish I had half the
powers my fursona does.
bed and breakfast that tends to call out to people who need
a refuge the most, and I honestly think you'd deserve a week
there, right about now.
What I can do, is simply be here for you. *hugs* And there's
a hug for Nayomii as well, just for being her wonderful self.
I wish you all the best. You were my introduction into the furry fandom and through this fandom I have met so many wonderful people. And while I've only ever commissioned you once, I love reading your comic and I loved listening to some audio books while watching your streams.
Since then I've been busy, got a job, setting up for college, had my own relationship problems which sadly did not go so well... But, I've always taken my time to look at the art you post whenever it pops up in my feed.
You're a tough cookie, even though you have a soft huggable goat exterior~ I believe in you Bleats, have a wondeful rest of the year and a merry Christams in advance~
Much Love, Dusk~
Good luck man, and stay strong.
And thanks Nayomii!
I love your work, and honestly wish you all the best. being who you are can be soo hard, especially when trying to make things work in a world as effed up as ours. I hope you find all the love and support you deserve.
I always thought you expressed your own emotions and parts of your own past with Scattered.
And that makes you a really interesting and cool person in my book
Best wishes for 2020 and all your future endeavours, be they art- or privatewise.
Will be keeping a close eye on you ;p
The whole trying to be straight thing really resonates with me too! Even the timescale of 12 years seems to match up! But I came to the realisation that as time passed by, so did my chances to be myself! 30 is an odd time to decide on this... But it is never too late ^v^
Try not to be worried ^v^ the world is different sinse when we were young ^v^ It can be a warm and welcoming place through honesty and love!
I genuinely wish you all the joy in the world dude! If ever you fancy a chat about any of this, please do let me know ^v^ I have nothing to hide anymore ^v^ *hugs again*
+<.>.]<+
<3
On one hand, I'm sorry, cause it sounds like, amicable or not, it seems like it hurts like hell. On the other, it's good you both are doing it amicably, and because you care, as opposed to everything going toxic. My best wishes for you both.