At 11:43 tonight I found out a good friend of mine, Mikhail Darkwolf, one of the kindest people I've ever known, had died. As of right now I am still waiting to find out the cause of death. He leaves behind a mate, Michael Dragonson, who he loved dearly.

You know, I was going to ask him tonight why he was so active on the . I couldn't believe someone with a male mate and a snarky attitude was able to befriend so many Catholic furs and I wanted to know what he was doing. And now I'll never know. I waited one night, one fucking night and I can't ask that question.

I can't believe it. I was with Mikhail at MFF just a week ago. I was talking to him, face to face a week ago. I met him in fucking person last Thursday. He had a deep voice and a perpetual accent, not surprising given he was from Scottland.

All I keep thinking about is "What is Derg going through?" Derg is Mikhail's mate and they really loved each other. They loved each other like I love Tom. And now he's gone. Just like that, twenty-four hours later Mikhail is gone. It doesn't feel real. This can't be, I keep waiting to hear someone say "Surprise, he's not dead!"

Tom and I did not get married at MFF, we were going to wait so our families could have a big church wedding to attend. Within the next month I will be correcting that mistake. I'm willing to wait until New Years, but I am going to marry the man I love. I am not waiting until tomorrow, if I do that then their might not be another tomorrow. What if tomorrow Tom or me got hit by a fucking bus? What then? Will I feel good for waiting? Of course fucking not, I'll feel miserable.

I've been worried about finding a new job, about having money, about getting some fucking limited edition comic box set? I'm fucking alive and Mikhail isn't. What the fuck is wrong with me?

Don't wait until tomorrow. Tell your mate you love them every day. If you fight, forgive each other before you leave each other. And never stop showing them you love them.