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Writing Notes: Blue and Gray - Ch. 5 (spoiler warning)
6 years ago
SPOILER WARNING: THE BELOW TEXT MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS
Funny story: the title of this chapter is actually a title for a novel concept I had in my head years ago but never fleshed out. It’s a line from Beowulf referring to the monster Grendel, and the idea would have been something about a misunderstood werewolf who lives deep in the woods and is hunted like a monster, but is actually protecting the village from a real threat. I dunno, I never got far with that and don’t think I ever will, so I used it for the chapter title. The misunderstood werewolf is Calvin, I guess!
I started the chapter with Flynn telling Calvin to leave the Confederate jacket behind and let the forest have it because I thought it would kind of put emphasis on how much he hated the Confederacy, both for what it stands for and for getting Edward killed. I touched on it in the last chapter of course, but like I said in the previous chapter’s writing notes I didn’t feel like I could devote a lot of space to it given the other things I wanted to focus on. I thought that the symbolism of Flynn – who loves clothing and for whom clothing plays a major part in his life – voluntarily abandoning the Confederate jacket kind of reinforced it without having to use too much real estate. Maybe not. That was the intent though.
Ah, chapter 5 is where the sex starts!
So mostly I wanted their sexual experiences in this chapter to be awkward and clumsy but extremely passionate. In the novel both Calvin and Flynn are 21 years old, but this story isn’t taking place today. Flynn has literally never met another gay guy in his life, and Calvin’s only experience with a guy was really minuscule and really bad. Of course they’d have a lot more experience in a modern setting, but in the 1860s, when they couldn’t tell anyone they were gay and no one told them, I didn’t think it’d be unreasonable for gay guys their age to have never found anyone else. But now that they have, even though they are in a dangerous situation and Flynn has a bum leg, they still can’t contain themselves even though neither of them really knows what they are doing. That’s what I was going for in the writing for the first scene where they jizz their pants, ha.
The next scene was meant to be a bit more romantic, what with the water and the rain and all, haha. But I also needed that scene to establish that Calvin couldn’t swim and that he was deathly afraid of water, for Flynn to teach him to float, for them to really get to know each other better. I also have a good bit that I throw back to in later chapters for scenes that involve swimming, almost drowning, etc., and the theme that the act of fighting itself is causing a lot of Calvin’s problems is reinforced here.
I also wanted to give Flynn a chance to shine here. Throughout the novel I try to make it so that the strengths and weaknesses of Calvin and Flynn kind of play off each other so that together they can accomplish anything. Calvin is big and strong, but Flynn is a lot tougher mentally than Calvin is. Calvin can’t swim, Flynn is great at it. Flynn can’t ride a horse but Calvin is an expert. I dunno, one thing I didn’t want to happen was for Calvin to just be a white knight in shining armor saving Flynn all the time. That’s trash! Flynn is strong too, just in different ways. I was kind of afraid though that since Calvin is meant to be very strong and physically capable, and Flynn is much smaller and spends half the novel injured, that that would end up happening. Jumping waaaaay forward, but that’s a big reason I wanted them to have the roles they do in the epilogue, with Flynn’s skills really being the foundation for the life they will live together “happily ever after.”
Anyway, yeah, the scene after they get out of the water is meant to be more hot whereas the one earlier is more meant to be more cute, I guess. It’s meant to kind of be a magical moment for both of them since it’s the first time either of them has really had any kind of real sexual experience, and they both think back to it a few times throughout the book. Did the reader get that out of the scene? Don’t know! But that was what I was going for.
The last bit is mostly just to set up the next few chapters of the book where they are on the flatboat, and of course I had to end the chapter the same way it started, a tacit rejection of the Confederacy by Flynn. Did I mention that I worried I didn’t spend enough space reinforcing that? Haha.
Seriously though one of my biggest fears when I started this project was that the reader would just look at Flynn and be like ‘a Confederate soldier? Fuck him!’ I didn’t expressly devote thousands of words to him rejecting his old life and the Confederacy, but my hope is that through all the little things throughout the novel the reader understands how he feels and who he is.
Funny story: the title of this chapter is actually a title for a novel concept I had in my head years ago but never fleshed out. It’s a line from Beowulf referring to the monster Grendel, and the idea would have been something about a misunderstood werewolf who lives deep in the woods and is hunted like a monster, but is actually protecting the village from a real threat. I dunno, I never got far with that and don’t think I ever will, so I used it for the chapter title. The misunderstood werewolf is Calvin, I guess!
I started the chapter with Flynn telling Calvin to leave the Confederate jacket behind and let the forest have it because I thought it would kind of put emphasis on how much he hated the Confederacy, both for what it stands for and for getting Edward killed. I touched on it in the last chapter of course, but like I said in the previous chapter’s writing notes I didn’t feel like I could devote a lot of space to it given the other things I wanted to focus on. I thought that the symbolism of Flynn – who loves clothing and for whom clothing plays a major part in his life – voluntarily abandoning the Confederate jacket kind of reinforced it without having to use too much real estate. Maybe not. That was the intent though.
Ah, chapter 5 is where the sex starts!
So mostly I wanted their sexual experiences in this chapter to be awkward and clumsy but extremely passionate. In the novel both Calvin and Flynn are 21 years old, but this story isn’t taking place today. Flynn has literally never met another gay guy in his life, and Calvin’s only experience with a guy was really minuscule and really bad. Of course they’d have a lot more experience in a modern setting, but in the 1860s, when they couldn’t tell anyone they were gay and no one told them, I didn’t think it’d be unreasonable for gay guys their age to have never found anyone else. But now that they have, even though they are in a dangerous situation and Flynn has a bum leg, they still can’t contain themselves even though neither of them really knows what they are doing. That’s what I was going for in the writing for the first scene where they jizz their pants, ha.
The next scene was meant to be a bit more romantic, what with the water and the rain and all, haha. But I also needed that scene to establish that Calvin couldn’t swim and that he was deathly afraid of water, for Flynn to teach him to float, for them to really get to know each other better. I also have a good bit that I throw back to in later chapters for scenes that involve swimming, almost drowning, etc., and the theme that the act of fighting itself is causing a lot of Calvin’s problems is reinforced here.
I also wanted to give Flynn a chance to shine here. Throughout the novel I try to make it so that the strengths and weaknesses of Calvin and Flynn kind of play off each other so that together they can accomplish anything. Calvin is big and strong, but Flynn is a lot tougher mentally than Calvin is. Calvin can’t swim, Flynn is great at it. Flynn can’t ride a horse but Calvin is an expert. I dunno, one thing I didn’t want to happen was for Calvin to just be a white knight in shining armor saving Flynn all the time. That’s trash! Flynn is strong too, just in different ways. I was kind of afraid though that since Calvin is meant to be very strong and physically capable, and Flynn is much smaller and spends half the novel injured, that that would end up happening. Jumping waaaaay forward, but that’s a big reason I wanted them to have the roles they do in the epilogue, with Flynn’s skills really being the foundation for the life they will live together “happily ever after.”
Anyway, yeah, the scene after they get out of the water is meant to be more hot whereas the one earlier is more meant to be more cute, I guess. It’s meant to kind of be a magical moment for both of them since it’s the first time either of them has really had any kind of real sexual experience, and they both think back to it a few times throughout the book. Did the reader get that out of the scene? Don’t know! But that was what I was going for.
The last bit is mostly just to set up the next few chapters of the book where they are on the flatboat, and of course I had to end the chapter the same way it started, a tacit rejection of the Confederacy by Flynn. Did I mention that I worried I didn’t spend enough space reinforcing that? Haha.
Seriously though one of my biggest fears when I started this project was that the reader would just look at Flynn and be like ‘a Confederate soldier? Fuck him!’ I didn’t expressly devote thousands of words to him rejecting his old life and the Confederacy, but my hope is that through all the little things throughout the novel the reader understands how he feels and who he is.
Thanks for the feedback about your thoughts on Flynn being separated early on from the Confederacy, that's helpful for me. A big part of writing this story for me was kind of getting back into writing, and these writing notes are kind of me deconstructing what I was thinking, what worked, what didn't, what I could have done in retrospect, etc., with the goal of being a better writer. I'm actually kind of surprised than someone else is even reading them, but I'm thankful for your input!