This year has been rocky to say the least, but it seems hopeful, at least now at the end. The first six to eight months were almost entirely dominated by a feeling of dread. It got kicked off late last year, just before Christmas, the 14th of December, when I was about to go to sleep and suddenly remembered a dead squirrel I had seen on the road during one of my walks weeks or maybe months ago. It spiraled within seconds into the dread and horror that would hold me down for so long, and still sometimes does on bad days. It was a fear of death and constant worry about everyone and everything, down to the smallest of bugs and the worst of people and especially me and those closest to me. I had never felt that kind of horror in my life, and it made me question my very identity and feel I should change everything about myself to be more presentable. My sexuality, my life's passions, everything. The feeling of dread kept telling me it was all evil and I should renounce it. I couldn't enjoy even a simple movie because of overactive empathy, I couldn't bring myself to draw things I wanted to because "I'm better than that". It was worse than my suicidal thoughts over three years ago. Much worse. I came to accept God and the concept of an afterlife after all my life of either telling myself I'll never know or outright trying to be a contrarian and call myself an atheist. Eventually though, the feeling has subsided. I can feel good about my life again and enjoy it. I don't know how but the tide turned. I hope it stays that way.

Last year was mostly good, but little happened. It was a calm before the storm. That's not to mean the storm of this year has been all bad. I moved to University. I made amazing grades in some classes. I finally picked up video games to some extent again. I got to watch so many great movies by the end. I got into whole new franchises for me. I had an amazing Christmas, as shoestring and rushed as it was. One of my cats, though now gone, is cured of his illness and we can remember him forever. An aunt also passed, but again, the death and the funeral did not hurt me so, and I feel glad that the pain is over. My grandmother went from falling face down and nearly dying in the garage and cracking teeth to finally seeming to get what was wrong for the last half a decade fixed, even if it's only a little bit.

My art performance has been sadly underwhelming but I feel I am getting better. Writing too. For now, I'll leave this song from one of my favorite albums of all time as we greet the new year, and a new decade.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hzGJuV8fBzo