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The story of the awful birthday and the PTSD that follows...
6 years ago
General
So, I figured I needed to get this out in the open because I've been a wreck since Wednesday night and Thursday when it all came to a head. It has to do with the college I'm currently attending and also my mate Unrealfox. Fox had a bad day on Wednesday and it just carried over after he got home.
I am (or was) the lead on a project for school. So, I made a text group for everyone to be able to communicate because some people didn't have internet when they got home so they couldn't use discord. So, I was talking to my friends if they had heard from this one person who claims to be trans but looks and acts like a female, but claims to be male. (I think it's just to be able to use the guy's bathroom in order to see dicks.) But that's only because she has a boyfriend and all that... Doesn't look or act like the gender that they want and I kinda think it all came about because game design is a predominantly male field...
Let's keep in mind that a lot of my friends on here are transitioning, transitioned, or are in the process of... I love all my friends dearly and I in no way would try to call someone something that they are not. When I meet or have met someone on here whom I knew as a guy and then they transitioned to female... I never called them he... But they absolutely look the part! She wants to be called he and wears women's clothing and everything... So, of course, I end up fucking up a lot and saying she, her, and gurl. (Like, hey, gurl!) I just feel like this person is treating all of the transgender stuff as a joke and wanting to see if they can get away with it. It feels like a lie to me and it makes me mad that they are pretty much disrespecting the LGBTQ community. A community that I stand behind and will defend against hate and slander. So, this is where my anger comes from. But I don't want to get into it with them, because I don't feel like it's my place to try to explain what they are doing... I feel is wrong.
So, I told you all that so you'd have the background to go on for the story.
Wednesday night I was trying to get the girl (guy) to tell me if they had any work for me to see. Being the lead and everything I have to check everyone's work and then hand it off to the art or programming lead and then go on to the next person. I have to organize everything and because I have a head for programming and art... I was elected the head lead. So, I am always asking people to let me see what they got. I'm aware of any problems anyone is having. (One of our programmers for the game is transitioning and having a hard time with their medications.) I pick up whatever slack they have and help them however I can... The last game we did I programmed everything myself (a contra type game) and it was horrific. We only had two weeks to work on it and half the class didn't turn in jack for shit...
So, that Wednesday finally one of the art leads got ahold of this person. He/She is supposed to be working on the UI. And pretty much fucks off watching youtube and anime most of the time. So, when they were finally alive. I was given excuse after excuse. I was told that he/she was in the lab (computer lab) doing nothing but talking super loud about nothing. They then told me that they had it done and hadn't uploaded it because of no internet. I said you were in the lab... There's internet there. They said it wasn't on any of the google drives and that they had it on another computer and it was at home. I was like... I'm tired of all the excuses... (Because they then told me about blown-out tires and working... I've heard these fake excuses before and they had no proof and someone had seen them drive away without any problems...) So, witnesses had seen them and told me about it... I told them I would talk to them tomorrow. I repeated that about 3 or 4 times... Then UnrealFox and another lead decided to ask about it, and it escalated. I interjected that we could talk about this tomorrow... But someone decided to say... You got this, gurl... Then was like... Oops... I mean guy... Then Fox decided to jump in with... It's a girl can we just stop pretending... Or something to that effect. They then came back and said, "I'm a guy..." Then Fox because of his bad day went off... Stating that she didn't act like a guy in any way shape or form...
It finally ended after a while, and nothing too terrible was said... But then another student forwarded the entire conversation to our professor... Our professor decided that Fox was harassing her... Which aside from him saying he was a she... Then after that it was all about get your work done. I don't care what you think you are... Get your work uploaded. It needs to be uploaded by tomorrow. We need to add it to the UI... Things like that.
So, according to our professor's mind... It's harassment when you tell someone repeatedly to just do their work and stop giving excuses why it's not done!
We get to school and drive up... The guy/girl is walking outside to go to the bookstore... They see our car and run (I mean sprint) back into the building. Presumably to tattle that we just pulled up. We went inside and I went into the computer lab to talk to everyone about the convo the night before and to talk about what they had done. I didn't turn on the computer, because everyone told us that the professor wanted to talk to Fox. I sat and waited. I got up and walked out and seen that there was a police officer there now. I was thinking... Is that really needed? I knew he was there because of Fox, and I stood outside at the front doors. Students kept coming out to talk to me and told me that they thought the police officer was only there because Fox is black.
I thought about it and realized that they were right. When we had nearly the same thing happen a year ago between two white students... There were no police officers... Only the professor aking one of them to go home.
So, now, Fox was told before he could come back to class he had to see a counselor...I, on the other hand, took all the grievances to the Dean and the Dean forwarded it to our professor's boss. I have to meet with his boss on Tuesday where she wants me to talk about any grievances I have...
There are an absolute ton of them. Like the fact he only grades twice a semester. So, if we're doing something wrong... We don't know until he grades it and by then it's too late. I'm checking my mail now to see if he's suddenly grading. The fact that if someone misses assignments (4 in a row) they are supposed to be removed from class. That is a lie because I know people who have and he keeps them.
This is all because his numbers for this class are shit. People drop out constantly because he knows less than most people in his class. He asks students to help him with the lesson plan... The day before on Tuesday... We're in mobile programming... He asks us... What do you guys want to learn? I'm like... You're the teacher...
He's never built a game, is not as good at 3D modeling as some of the others in the class... Our art lead stomps him in 3D she is amazing at it... It makes me envious!
The whole thing that really makes me mad is that he wouldn't look at me or even talk... Fox asked him to talk about it, and he said... I don't think we should and then looked at the cop standing there as if he was asking the officer to haul us away.
He is not a good teacher at all, and to think that I even cared enough to give him Christmas presents or be nice to him really pisses me off... It's like having a friend turn on you and then it's just infuriating. He knows nothing... He doesn't grade anything most of the time, and just makes jokes and acts more like a student than a teacher. It makes me wonder if he actually has a master's degree or not... The way he acts is more like a clown than a professor...
I am pissed... I am hurt... And I have horrible sweats and panic attacks when I even think about going back to class. I don't want to go to that place. I actually think I might have PTSD from what happened. I need to find a shrink but none I have called will take me for at least 2 weeks. I can't wait that long... I need to either drop these classes or something... I can't take it and I'm a wreak thinking about it.
But that's what happened... The police were there... My professor wouldn't look at me... Fox is my ride and since he kicked Fox out... He automatically kicked me out. I never want to see him again, though. Going back to that college means I would have to see him and that sets me into panicking fits. I've dropped classes in high school before because a guy I liked was in it, but we had an argument and so I quit the art class. (Even though the teacher begged me to stay telling me I was one of the best students she ever had...) It meant a lot to me, but I couldn't take it. I get fearful and it's fight or flight...
Besides that when I talk to his boss and bring up every single thing that has been going on... I don't think he'll be there for much longer...
I am (or was) the lead on a project for school. So, I made a text group for everyone to be able to communicate because some people didn't have internet when they got home so they couldn't use discord. So, I was talking to my friends if they had heard from this one person who claims to be trans but looks and acts like a female, but claims to be male. (I think it's just to be able to use the guy's bathroom in order to see dicks.) But that's only because she has a boyfriend and all that... Doesn't look or act like the gender that they want and I kinda think it all came about because game design is a predominantly male field...
Let's keep in mind that a lot of my friends on here are transitioning, transitioned, or are in the process of... I love all my friends dearly and I in no way would try to call someone something that they are not. When I meet or have met someone on here whom I knew as a guy and then they transitioned to female... I never called them he... But they absolutely look the part! She wants to be called he and wears women's clothing and everything... So, of course, I end up fucking up a lot and saying she, her, and gurl. (Like, hey, gurl!) I just feel like this person is treating all of the transgender stuff as a joke and wanting to see if they can get away with it. It feels like a lie to me and it makes me mad that they are pretty much disrespecting the LGBTQ community. A community that I stand behind and will defend against hate and slander. So, this is where my anger comes from. But I don't want to get into it with them, because I don't feel like it's my place to try to explain what they are doing... I feel is wrong.
So, I told you all that so you'd have the background to go on for the story.
Wednesday night I was trying to get the girl (guy) to tell me if they had any work for me to see. Being the lead and everything I have to check everyone's work and then hand it off to the art or programming lead and then go on to the next person. I have to organize everything and because I have a head for programming and art... I was elected the head lead. So, I am always asking people to let me see what they got. I'm aware of any problems anyone is having. (One of our programmers for the game is transitioning and having a hard time with their medications.) I pick up whatever slack they have and help them however I can... The last game we did I programmed everything myself (a contra type game) and it was horrific. We only had two weeks to work on it and half the class didn't turn in jack for shit...
So, that Wednesday finally one of the art leads got ahold of this person. He/She is supposed to be working on the UI. And pretty much fucks off watching youtube and anime most of the time. So, when they were finally alive. I was given excuse after excuse. I was told that he/she was in the lab (computer lab) doing nothing but talking super loud about nothing. They then told me that they had it done and hadn't uploaded it because of no internet. I said you were in the lab... There's internet there. They said it wasn't on any of the google drives and that they had it on another computer and it was at home. I was like... I'm tired of all the excuses... (Because they then told me about blown-out tires and working... I've heard these fake excuses before and they had no proof and someone had seen them drive away without any problems...) So, witnesses had seen them and told me about it... I told them I would talk to them tomorrow. I repeated that about 3 or 4 times... Then UnrealFox and another lead decided to ask about it, and it escalated. I interjected that we could talk about this tomorrow... But someone decided to say... You got this, gurl... Then was like... Oops... I mean guy... Then Fox decided to jump in with... It's a girl can we just stop pretending... Or something to that effect. They then came back and said, "I'm a guy..." Then Fox because of his bad day went off... Stating that she didn't act like a guy in any way shape or form...
It finally ended after a while, and nothing too terrible was said... But then another student forwarded the entire conversation to our professor... Our professor decided that Fox was harassing her... Which aside from him saying he was a she... Then after that it was all about get your work done. I don't care what you think you are... Get your work uploaded. It needs to be uploaded by tomorrow. We need to add it to the UI... Things like that.
So, according to our professor's mind... It's harassment when you tell someone repeatedly to just do their work and stop giving excuses why it's not done!
We get to school and drive up... The guy/girl is walking outside to go to the bookstore... They see our car and run (I mean sprint) back into the building. Presumably to tattle that we just pulled up. We went inside and I went into the computer lab to talk to everyone about the convo the night before and to talk about what they had done. I didn't turn on the computer, because everyone told us that the professor wanted to talk to Fox. I sat and waited. I got up and walked out and seen that there was a police officer there now. I was thinking... Is that really needed? I knew he was there because of Fox, and I stood outside at the front doors. Students kept coming out to talk to me and told me that they thought the police officer was only there because Fox is black.
I thought about it and realized that they were right. When we had nearly the same thing happen a year ago between two white students... There were no police officers... Only the professor aking one of them to go home.
So, now, Fox was told before he could come back to class he had to see a counselor...I, on the other hand, took all the grievances to the Dean and the Dean forwarded it to our professor's boss. I have to meet with his boss on Tuesday where she wants me to talk about any grievances I have...
There are an absolute ton of them. Like the fact he only grades twice a semester. So, if we're doing something wrong... We don't know until he grades it and by then it's too late. I'm checking my mail now to see if he's suddenly grading. The fact that if someone misses assignments (4 in a row) they are supposed to be removed from class. That is a lie because I know people who have and he keeps them.
This is all because his numbers for this class are shit. People drop out constantly because he knows less than most people in his class. He asks students to help him with the lesson plan... The day before on Tuesday... We're in mobile programming... He asks us... What do you guys want to learn? I'm like... You're the teacher...
He's never built a game, is not as good at 3D modeling as some of the others in the class... Our art lead stomps him in 3D she is amazing at it... It makes me envious!
The whole thing that really makes me mad is that he wouldn't look at me or even talk... Fox asked him to talk about it, and he said... I don't think we should and then looked at the cop standing there as if he was asking the officer to haul us away.
He is not a good teacher at all, and to think that I even cared enough to give him Christmas presents or be nice to him really pisses me off... It's like having a friend turn on you and then it's just infuriating. He knows nothing... He doesn't grade anything most of the time, and just makes jokes and acts more like a student than a teacher. It makes me wonder if he actually has a master's degree or not... The way he acts is more like a clown than a professor...
I am pissed... I am hurt... And I have horrible sweats and panic attacks when I even think about going back to class. I don't want to go to that place. I actually think I might have PTSD from what happened. I need to find a shrink but none I have called will take me for at least 2 weeks. I can't wait that long... I need to either drop these classes or something... I can't take it and I'm a wreak thinking about it.
But that's what happened... The police were there... My professor wouldn't look at me... Fox is my ride and since he kicked Fox out... He automatically kicked me out. I never want to see him again, though. Going back to that college means I would have to see him and that sets me into panicking fits. I've dropped classes in high school before because a guy I liked was in it, but we had an argument and so I quit the art class. (Even though the teacher begged me to stay telling me I was one of the best students she ever had...) It meant a lot to me, but I couldn't take it. I get fearful and it's fight or flight...
Besides that when I talk to his boss and bring up every single thing that has been going on... I don't think he'll be there for much longer...
And make me just want to hug everyone that got hurt by it.
*hugs*
*tightly returns the hug*
I read through this twice just to make sure they didn't misread anyting and I must say that situation sounds terrible.
I'm usually not one to just jump on the bandwagon of: "It's racism!" Immediately right out of the gate but I can't help but feel that this is very similar to an incident that took place out of bank a couple of months ago somewhere in Texas:
An African American gentleman went to his back like normal to deposit a check and one of the employees over the counter call the police because she what's suspicious that someone like him had so much money on him and assumed he stole it. I heard the man sued the bank for discrimination.
One of my African American friends had the cops called on him about year ago because he "looked suspicious. " hanging out in a parking lot...he was picking a family member from work! That's all. I swear, it really ticks me off that even in today's society no matter where you go if someone sees a tall man with dark skin, OH MY GOSH THEIR A THREAT!
People try so hard to live in this facade that: "America is absolutely perfect and the very best with absolutely ZERO:
"sexism, racism, prejudice, bigotry or discrimination of any/all kind." :D
No, that's all a lie. That's just simply what people want to thank and wish was real but isn't and most likely will never be because in life people have hatred people have emotions people have things that make them hate something or someone Sun Country personal others could be open while something's could be small and Petty yet others could be very dark and posibly justifiable to some extent.
Men of African American descent as well as other ethnicities still go through stereotypes and unfair treatment in modern day Society. Even today within year 2020. We still have people jumping to assumptions:
"Oh, their black... I better stay away from them because if I look at them wrong their going to hurt me.... they're probably going to rob a store sometime soon..."
"Oh, Hispanic? They are dangerous because they're definitely involved in a gang and probably have connections with the drug lord."
"Oh, a German man with blue eyes and brown hair that has a military background with English not being there first language? HE IS A N * Z I!
"Oh, their Middle-Eastern? I don't feel safe around them because their family are clearly terrorists."
"Oh their French? They probably now barely any English and treat everyone that doesn't speak their language like crap and are a rude self-absorbed a )__hole. Who is out of touch with at times."
( I couldn't make this up if I tried, a friend of mine who is indeed French told me quite a few times when he was working he was given looks of surprise like as if their facial expression was staying:
Holy crap this French guy is actually nice, oh wow, he's able to speak fluent English too.
This French friend of works in the electronics department and he has been told on a couple of occasions "I'm surprised, your so good at this!" Only for them to get very quiet when he asks what they meant by that.)
My group of friends then I grew up with IRL are all pretty diverse and have different backgrounds the same of course goes for my group of online friends as well. But I can't even begin to count the amount of times my in real life friends and online friends that are guys who are around their early twenties to mid-thirties say:
" Sometimes I feel I get pulled over just because I'm black. "
And don't even get me started with the assumption that if a guy who is black and isn't into sports is somehow automatically viewed as Gay. ( of course there's nothing wrong with being gay, but in a big majority of Black Culture it's still frowned upon a lot even today ) one of my childhood BFFs was over his GF's house and her mom assumed that my BFF was Gay because OMG! He actually prefers to get involved with art and poetry and is going to college to major in such areas rather play basketball/football. (He actually HATES sports because his parents forced him into it as a kid)
America as well as the entire world in terms of society still have a VERY long way to go.
( sorry about the lengthy comment I just had a lot to get off my chest modern day Society really frustrates me in so many ways yes we have come a long way but at the same time we are far from ever being close to True freedom and equality and I just wish people would accept reality rather than hide behind an entire wall of Lies and just admit the issues we have in the problems we face )