Well, hopefully you'll figure it out.

Its okay not to have a plan and to go with the flow! Its also okay to not come in to something with inspiration or imagination! Things come to people as times pass, it will hit you someday im sure of it!
But from what ive gathered you are doing perfectly! And im terribly sorry to hear you feel this way and I certainly hope things get better! Your arts amazing and you've established yourself to the best of your ability! Just hang in there! And plenty of people are on here to support you!

I understand how you feel fam. :(
I hope you can figure what you need to out so you can have some peace of mind.