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"I think writing sucks!"
5 years ago
I'm not sure if anyone noticed, but I haven't really been posting much lately. Not that my upload schedule was anything to write home about in the first place, but these last few months have been really dry, even by my standards.
There are multiple reasons for this, and I'll start off with the most prominent one:
I don't find writing fun anymore.
When I started writing the story "Clovis' Inferno" a bit over two years ago, I had a lot of fun kicking off the rust that had been coating my writing skills since middle school. I had fun immersing myself in the atmosphere and world of the story I was writing. I would think about it at work and on my way home, and though I struggled with putting the words down in a way I found adequate, I had fun with simply creating it. Smut was of course fun to write for multiple reasons, as you can imagine, but there was more than that. I wanted to convey emotions. I wanted to paint a picture to the few people who read it, even though I'd only planned to post it as an anonymous pastebin on 4chan. When I posted the first WIP in the /trash/ thread I was genuinely surprised that people not only liked it, but thought it was well written. The adoration and fave counts were really just gravy on top of the satisfaction I got from seeing a story finally put down on paper.
That feeling tapered off as I kept writing, and eventually faded almost completely. I started obsessing over numbers. I began to compare myself with other writers in the Twokinds community, and constantly finding myself inferior. I started wondering if there was even a point in writing about characters like Keith and Natani, since people like amenon have already covered that topic more extensively, and probably with better execution than I ever will; a disposition that is extra silly to have as someone who doesn't even read fanfiction even though he's tried, and dropped them because he doesn't like how the characters are portrayed.
Anyways, back to the point of this journal. I've hardly opened a Word document since last year, when before I used to have it open constantly, tinkering with prose and writing whenever I got bored. I rarely feel the wish to produce anything artistic, and when I do, I take one look at my WIPs and close the document, dissatisfied with my own work, asking "what's even the point?"
I said I had multiple reasons for my low productivity, and the second one is school.
Back in 2015 (yes, we really are going that far back with this) I managed to fail the IB diploma with a single grade point. In my country, I am not allowed to even apply for higher education without that diploma; as far as they're concerned, I dropped out without finishing. Since then I've been working in fast food and generally not having a great time with my life.
However, this spring I will do a re-take of the exam. After five years in McPurgatory, I have a chance to start fixing my shit.
This all means that reading and studying Maths will take priority over literally everything else I'm doing, which includes writing schlocky fapfics for a mediocre furry webcomic.
So this is why I'm taking what I guess you could call a vacation from writing. I might post some quick stuff if I ever get a sudden surge of inspiration, but I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you.
...Not that most of the people who read this expected good things anyways.
As always, feel free to say whatever you want in the comments. Go nuts.
There are multiple reasons for this, and I'll start off with the most prominent one:
I don't find writing fun anymore.
When I started writing the story "Clovis' Inferno" a bit over two years ago, I had a lot of fun kicking off the rust that had been coating my writing skills since middle school. I had fun immersing myself in the atmosphere and world of the story I was writing. I would think about it at work and on my way home, and though I struggled with putting the words down in a way I found adequate, I had fun with simply creating it. Smut was of course fun to write for multiple reasons, as you can imagine, but there was more than that. I wanted to convey emotions. I wanted to paint a picture to the few people who read it, even though I'd only planned to post it as an anonymous pastebin on 4chan. When I posted the first WIP in the /trash/ thread I was genuinely surprised that people not only liked it, but thought it was well written. The adoration and fave counts were really just gravy on top of the satisfaction I got from seeing a story finally put down on paper.
That feeling tapered off as I kept writing, and eventually faded almost completely. I started obsessing over numbers. I began to compare myself with other writers in the Twokinds community, and constantly finding myself inferior. I started wondering if there was even a point in writing about characters like Keith and Natani, since people like amenon have already covered that topic more extensively, and probably with better execution than I ever will; a disposition that is extra silly to have as someone who doesn't even read fanfiction even though he's tried, and dropped them because he doesn't like how the characters are portrayed.
Anyways, back to the point of this journal. I've hardly opened a Word document since last year, when before I used to have it open constantly, tinkering with prose and writing whenever I got bored. I rarely feel the wish to produce anything artistic, and when I do, I take one look at my WIPs and close the document, dissatisfied with my own work, asking "what's even the point?"
I said I had multiple reasons for my low productivity, and the second one is school.
Back in 2015 (yes, we really are going that far back with this) I managed to fail the IB diploma with a single grade point. In my country, I am not allowed to even apply for higher education without that diploma; as far as they're concerned, I dropped out without finishing. Since then I've been working in fast food and generally not having a great time with my life.
However, this spring I will do a re-take of the exam. After five years in McPurgatory, I have a chance to start fixing my shit.
This all means that reading and studying Maths will take priority over literally everything else I'm doing, which includes writing schlocky fapfics for a mediocre furry webcomic.
So this is why I'm taking what I guess you could call a vacation from writing. I might post some quick stuff if I ever get a sudden surge of inspiration, but I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you.
...Not that most of the people who read this expected good things anyways.
As always, feel free to say whatever you want in the comments. Go nuts.
Blazing_Fox_Spirit
~blazingfoxspirit
For what it's worth I really like your writing
