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Doing unwell.
6 years ago
General
Just posting this here for I don't know what reason. Maybe people with similar issues will have advice or something.
I am doing unwell, very unwell mentally. My mental health has gone into effecting my physical health that's how bad it is. I had a fight with my mother a few days ago which greatly furthered my mental issues along with the fact I haven't been drawing and have no other outlets for my depression but drawing. And then my dog I had since I was 9 died two days ago.
I don't feel anything anymore besides constant depression and sadness. Or nothing at all. I'm tried of having constant nightmares whenever I go to sleep, I have severe crippling insomnia and haven't been getting any sleep. My nightmares are either me getting killed by my family, me killing myself, or me killing them. The last two always make me feel glee in the dreams but not when I wake up. I'm not a violent person so this isn't what I'm worried about, I hate having these dreams and they make me feel gross. I fall asleep with anxiety and wake up with anxiety.
I don't feel good. Nothing feels good. I'm so upset and sad and angry and I feel like there is no one to talk to despite there being people to talk too. I feel like nothing matters anymore and I can barely motivate to get out of bed. I don't enjoy anything anymore. Nothing makes me feel anything anymore.
I think if I was more motivated I'd have killed myself by now. Nothing feels like it will get better anymore. I feel alone.
I am doing unwell, very unwell mentally. My mental health has gone into effecting my physical health that's how bad it is. I had a fight with my mother a few days ago which greatly furthered my mental issues along with the fact I haven't been drawing and have no other outlets for my depression but drawing. And then my dog I had since I was 9 died two days ago.
I don't feel anything anymore besides constant depression and sadness. Or nothing at all. I'm tried of having constant nightmares whenever I go to sleep, I have severe crippling insomnia and haven't been getting any sleep. My nightmares are either me getting killed by my family, me killing myself, or me killing them. The last two always make me feel glee in the dreams but not when I wake up. I'm not a violent person so this isn't what I'm worried about, I hate having these dreams and they make me feel gross. I fall asleep with anxiety and wake up with anxiety.
I don't feel good. Nothing feels good. I'm so upset and sad and angry and I feel like there is no one to talk to despite there being people to talk too. I feel like nothing matters anymore and I can barely motivate to get out of bed. I don't enjoy anything anymore. Nothing makes me feel anything anymore.
I think if I was more motivated I'd have killed myself by now. Nothing feels like it will get better anymore. I feel alone.
Yea I thought about hotlines but I'm not good with voicing my issues to family I don't think I could to a stranger. Hence why I generally just post journals or status updates or something. I've been on support reddits and all that and I still don't feel better. Maybe I need distractions.
I don't know what I'm expecting, I guess I should stop expecting a instant cure.
I don't think there's an issue I'm gonna off myself or something, I have crippling lack of motivation so that's probably not gonna happen. I mean I think about it often but like I don't actually have the motivation to do it. Not saying I'd be particularly peeved if someone ran me over or something...
I should go to sleep or something, I'm tired right now. Maybe things will get better...