Listen, I'm not sure of what exactly to say to guide you, but I was in that exact same place three years ago. If it's a question of inspiration, you might be challenging yourself too much. If it's a question of resentment, you might have trouble finding the right words to express yourself. If it's a question of personal growth, you may have to actually go through with making a few mistakes that you're afraid to make (for me, it was confronting a professional authority figure).

Now, actually making things better (waiting for things to get better by themselves is a waste of time) does take some effort. Sometimes, losing friends is part of the process, but true friends will see you through your growth.

Emotions are not things you can just repair like a car. You have to fiddle with them, explore them, associate with them. It's a very tricky thing to do. I myself had to quit a job, lose a job, throw tantrums at some people, and even now, I haven't got it nailed.

I say all this to let you know that there is a way to make it better. I don't know what it is, but I want to see you through this. I'm not sure what advice to give you, other than experiment with your point of view, by which I do not mean, "look on the bright side." You have to be as in touch (probably moreso) with the dim side of things as you are with comfort.

Now, I'm not exactly sure what your situation is. I don't know if you take medication, but part of it could have a chemical basis. If that's not an option for you, you might ask around, inside and outside of FA. Even with all our advancements in psychology, depression is still very hard to treat.

As an afterthought, one thing I wanted to ask was, did the story I wrote you have anything to do with this? I won't be upset if it did, I just want an honest answer.

Yes, I'm feeling full of resentment right now. Yes, I'm taking medication, namely anti-depressants.

And no, your subscriber story for me has nothing to do with my ongoing depression and anxiety. If anything, I was upset with it because it took my characters and their personalities the wrong way and blew it all out of proportion thus making them barely recognizable to me. I haven't taken another look at it since last month.

Ok... whoever it is you resent, you're eventually going to have to inform them of your feelings about the relationship. I don't know who it is or what the relationship was like, but I know from experience that part of working through resentment is just telling other people, "I don't like the way things turned out," or, "I don't appreciate this." You'll also probably have to balance it out with admitting to anything you did or said that might have come across the wrong way, but actually breaking through that communication barrier is a vital part of the process.

While medications do help (sometimes), they are not a cure-all. You still have to put in the work of healing. I'm not sure of your religious background, but one book that really helped me was Townsend and Cloud's "12 Christian beliefs that can drive you crazy."

I'm mainly agnostic. Ever since last month, I've lost all faith in God, Jesus and the Heavens. I can't rely on them for anything because they won't make things better for me, even if I were to pray every day. It just won't make any difference for me.

Things won't get better for you unless you make them. Another problem is that you might be addicted to depression. I'm still unclear about what the specific problem is, but whatever it is, I promise you, it isn't unsolvable.

That, incidentally, is one of the beliefs that they address, the belief that praying is all you need to fix your life.

Being addicted to something means refusing to let it go because you feel like you can't do without it. Personally, I can definitely do without depression. Sadly, it just can't permanently go away. It comes and goes in waves, time after time.

Hey, it took me a while to respond, but actually holding on to depression comes in subtle ways. There is probably so much grief that it's getting in the way of your ability to see what you do and do not have control of. The human mind is a very slippery thing, often tricking people into thinking they have less control of themselves than they actually do.

This entails having to admit to some dark thoughts. It's kind of a scary thing to do, and if you want, I can sent you a private note of some things I had to admit to before I could get through my own battle with depression.

I don't know what your case is like, but I have some familiarity with facing the unknown. And there is a lot of mystery surrounding the human brain. When I say that you have to make things better, one of those things is sitting (or lying) down and admitting some hard things. That's the first step. I'll continue this in a note later on.

I've already admitted some of my worst thoughts to my mother and she's never given up on trying to help me. Let's just say we're working on things now.