FA+
Shop
Not so fun April update
5 years ago
Just a little warning, this journal isn't going to be a fun one. Not even my normal journal. And no, I'm not doing this to play a joke either.
So, some of you might have noticed that I've been slow this past March. Despite having spring break, I haven't been putting out much art at all. I haven't been feeling terribly motivated, to put it mildly. Art is something I enjoy doing... and then the realization whats been happening since the year started hit me hard.
I... have depression. Perhaps I've been hiding it from myself for a while. I have issues with that. I think what made me realize was that during spring break, without school on the mind, it only gave that negative shit in my head the opportunity to take hold, rather than the feeling of relief I thought I would get. Seriously, just about every bullet point about it, describes me right now. Sleep disturbance, little appetite, can't concentrate, not talking to people (or lashing out at people, or me saying stupid shit, if I do), fatigue, feeling worthless, etc.
Every artist gets criticism, it's true. But what to do if your meanest critic, the one saying the worst, nastiest things to you, is you? Fuck, I can't even sit there and watch YouTube, after a long, hard school day, the most nothing activity there is, without thinking "why are you wasting your life, you're such a loser". Let alone do something more active, like playing video games, making art or doing my school work. Even writing this journal right now I feel that nagging voice.
So, going forward this month, I'm gonna close commissions to all but friends for a while. Not terribly long mind you, but I need to focus on me for a bit. I'm sick of feeling awful all the time. I need to do something about it. Now. My plan is vague right now, but I can't keep letting it get worse.
I will still be doing art, but... slower. Don't expect any art once every 3 - 6 days anymore. If I'm working on art for you right now, or have planned to, expect me to be slower. If I said, I'm going to do something, I'm gonna do it.
I understand that nobody wants to listen to me cry on the internet. But man, I needed to get this shit off my chest. Thanks for reading if you did.
So, some of you might have noticed that I've been slow this past March. Despite having spring break, I haven't been putting out much art at all. I haven't been feeling terribly motivated, to put it mildly. Art is something I enjoy doing... and then the realization whats been happening since the year started hit me hard.
I... have depression. Perhaps I've been hiding it from myself for a while. I have issues with that. I think what made me realize was that during spring break, without school on the mind, it only gave that negative shit in my head the opportunity to take hold, rather than the feeling of relief I thought I would get. Seriously, just about every bullet point about it, describes me right now. Sleep disturbance, little appetite, can't concentrate, not talking to people (or lashing out at people, or me saying stupid shit, if I do), fatigue, feeling worthless, etc.
Every artist gets criticism, it's true. But what to do if your meanest critic, the one saying the worst, nastiest things to you, is you? Fuck, I can't even sit there and watch YouTube, after a long, hard school day, the most nothing activity there is, without thinking "why are you wasting your life, you're such a loser". Let alone do something more active, like playing video games, making art or doing my school work. Even writing this journal right now I feel that nagging voice.
So, going forward this month, I'm gonna close commissions to all but friends for a while. Not terribly long mind you, but I need to focus on me for a bit. I'm sick of feeling awful all the time. I need to do something about it. Now. My plan is vague right now, but I can't keep letting it get worse.
I will still be doing art, but... slower. Don't expect any art once every 3 - 6 days anymore. If I'm working on art for you right now, or have planned to, expect me to be slower. If I said, I'm going to do something, I'm gonna do it.
I understand that nobody wants to listen to me cry on the internet. But man, I needed to get this shit off my chest. Thanks for reading if you did.
We're here for you.