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Is everything okay?
5 years ago
Toby: You have to swear on our friendship that we’ll be okay…
(Al proceeds to sit on the swing set next to the sheep, his childhood friend, and pulls out a pack of cigars. He taps a few times on the box before slipping the longest one out into the corner of his mouth)
Al: What’s that s’posed to mean?
(With his other hand, he pulls out a lighter and holds it up to his cigar)
Toby: It mean on our friendship, swear that we’ll be okay
(He repeats this with a bit of frustration in his voice. He then glanced at his draconic friend.)
Al: O-Okay… Is everything alright bud?
Toby: I mean, yeah but… No, not really.
(Al leans in to deliver a playful hit on Toby’s shoulder,a grin spilling upon his face. He then pulls out the cigar and lets out a hard puff.)
Al: Ahhh, I think I see what this is. It's a guy problem again isn’t it? Look, you can’t just expect to find someone when you’re always being so shy… You’ve got to put yourself out there a little bit y’know?
(Al then slips his phone out from his pocket, the bright screen lighting up the already dim light they had from the distant night light )
Al: Take a look at this, I found this really cute girl on this-
Toby: I want to disappear…
(The sheep interjects. Al continues to keep his eyes lazily trained on the small screen despite his words.)
Al: Eheh, join the party dude. We all want to disappear every now and-
Toby: Oh sorry, let me rephrase it for you… I WANT TO DIE! Alphonse! Is that better?
(The dragon drops both his cigar and his phone flinching heavily at his friend’s sudden outburst.)
Toby: Hm, I see being hostile is the only way to get to you… Hmph, i’m not surprised… Why is it you never start taking things seriously until someone is yelling in your face…
Al: F-Football…
(The dragon stuttered with eyes still wide and partially glued to Toby as he bent forwards to reach his phone and cigarette.)
Al: You’re fucking with me right? Like, you don’t mean…
(Toby threw the drake a hard frown.)
Al: Okay, you’re serious… Well, why do you want to do that? I mean, graduation is right around the corner and we’ll be able to do whatever we want in college.
Toby: You say that like we’re going to the same college. Al, no one is going to my school, it's like one of the furthest ones from here.
Al:You can still make new friends there y’know? I mean it sucks but like… Eh, that still doesn’t really answer why you wanna disappear… Have you been talking to anyone else about this?
Toby: No, I couldn’t…
Al: But you’re telling me this?
(Al began to roll the ignited cigar between his fingers, his gaze slowly dropping to his fingers.)
Toby: I don’t know… It’s just a spur of the moment thing, I felt like you’d be the only one to not just call nine one one on me and actually talk.
Al: I mean, that doesn’t normally happen to begin with. There’s counseling on campus for therapy… Therapists...doctors….
Toby: And a bottle of pills, maybe a watchful eye or two, the loss of privacy and space to think…
Al: So you’ve been thinking about this for a while?
Toby: I’ve always been thinking about this…
Al: Well why is that?
Toby: Because why not? It’s not much different about how others think… Why not smoke a cigarette? Why not marry the love of my love and raise children? Why not go on this stupidly expensive vacation that could get me fired from work?
(A brief moment of silence rolls in between the two.)
Al: I think that’s different though-
Toby: How could it be? It’s a solution isn’t it? A solution...a pursuit, just like the pursuit of happiness. People get married to be happy, people work jobs to make money to keep themselves happy, people smoke cigarettes...because it makes them happy.
Al: Toby, killing yourself isn’t a solution, it just makes more problems than whatever it could possibly solve.
Toby: Does it? Al, I've been burning holes in my parents' pockets for years… Th-That time I got my teeth knocked out of me when we were freshmen in high school for football? We moved, remember? That was because of me… My baby brother wasn’t able to have his birthday this year because they went and bought me my own car…
Al: I don’t think those are reasons to go get yourself murdered… They just wanted you to be safe...happy. If you feel so bad, why not choose a job that’ll make you bank to pay em’ back with. Pick up sports again maybe? You’re still a little bulky from sophomore year… You might be able to take me down here and now if you really wanted to.
(Toby sighed as he began to rock himself back and forth a little effectively causing the swing to move along with him.)
Toby: It’s not...that simple… I really don’t have the grades dude, and I sure as hell don’t have the athleticism anymore. I’m not trying to get them to pay for any more bills from football… The only reason I'm getting into the school is because my mom’s divorced ex was an alumni there. She managed to weasel out a few thousand dollars of him to make it more affordable. On top of that, they sold the car for money too which is why you haven’t seen it in a while…
Al: You know, there’s a thing called student loans… A-And scholarships for students who really really need it help dwindle things down.
(Toby lets out an unsuspecting laugh.)
Toby: No… Those only put you a whole lot deeper into depth. Holy shit, did you do any research on how money actually works in college? Not everyone gets a full fucking ride you know…
(Al grew silent for several moments inciting Toby to stop swinging.)
Toby: S-Sorry, it’s just… Ergh, I don’t know man.
(Another moment of silence overcomes the two, before Al clears his throat.)
Al: Maybe try explaining it in a different way? Wanting to, disappear...
Toby: Okay...okay, um… Okay, like a math equation. One big math equation where numbers and variables, fractions, everything is added, taken away, and multiplied within a day’s time. Then between the amounts of pressure placed on you, you’re forced to figure it out despite how often it changes within short moments. It’s never the same.
Al: So life in generals is the math problem then, right?
(Toby nods.)
Toby: Something like that, yes. Sometimes the problem is a little simpler to solve if you throw a lot of variables away. It makes the other numbers and circumstances happier. To know that the number four doesn’t have to be divided...or forced to be multiplied at such a low number. Al, I can’t help but feel like I negatively affect everything. Even if people aren't crying or upset, I give them every reason to feel that way with the mistakes that I make. That’s what makes me sad, I can’t affect them for the better… I can’t-
(Al suddenly stands from his swing causing for the loud shaking of rusted chains to sound in the empty park. He drops the cigarette from the corner of his mouth and steps on it just as it hits the ground.)
Al: Quit being so unfair to yourself! You’re talking about having a leash on life man, that’s not… It’s not how it works.
Toby: I know…
Al: Then how...how could you ever think of something like this as something potentially valid. It just causes pain dude, so much pain...a-and sadness. And what about me? D’you ever stop to think how it’d affect me at least?
(The sheep began to idly shuffle his fingers a little as a wave of guilt hit him just as he responded with his lie.)
Toby: Yes, you’d get over it… Everyone would eventually
Al: That’s not fair of you to just say… People handle moving on with death differently...unique from person to person. Some might cry for days, some for weeks, months, years… You’d be condemning your family to years of sadness just to sew up a few papercuts. L-Like using cement to glue two pieces of paper together, it’s stupid.
Toby: But it would work... That's why I can't stop thinking about it...
(Al proceeds to sit on the swing set next to the sheep, his childhood friend, and pulls out a pack of cigars. He taps a few times on the box before slipping the longest one out into the corner of his mouth)
Al: What’s that s’posed to mean?
(With his other hand, he pulls out a lighter and holds it up to his cigar)
Toby: It mean on our friendship, swear that we’ll be okay
(He repeats this with a bit of frustration in his voice. He then glanced at his draconic friend.)
Al: O-Okay… Is everything alright bud?
Toby: I mean, yeah but… No, not really.
(Al leans in to deliver a playful hit on Toby’s shoulder,a grin spilling upon his face. He then pulls out the cigar and lets out a hard puff.)
Al: Ahhh, I think I see what this is. It's a guy problem again isn’t it? Look, you can’t just expect to find someone when you’re always being so shy… You’ve got to put yourself out there a little bit y’know?
(Al then slips his phone out from his pocket, the bright screen lighting up the already dim light they had from the distant night light )
Al: Take a look at this, I found this really cute girl on this-
Toby: I want to disappear…
(The sheep interjects. Al continues to keep his eyes lazily trained on the small screen despite his words.)
Al: Eheh, join the party dude. We all want to disappear every now and-
Toby: Oh sorry, let me rephrase it for you… I WANT TO DIE! Alphonse! Is that better?
(The dragon drops both his cigar and his phone flinching heavily at his friend’s sudden outburst.)
Toby: Hm, I see being hostile is the only way to get to you… Hmph, i’m not surprised… Why is it you never start taking things seriously until someone is yelling in your face…
Al: F-Football…
(The dragon stuttered with eyes still wide and partially glued to Toby as he bent forwards to reach his phone and cigarette.)
Al: You’re fucking with me right? Like, you don’t mean…
(Toby threw the drake a hard frown.)
Al: Okay, you’re serious… Well, why do you want to do that? I mean, graduation is right around the corner and we’ll be able to do whatever we want in college.
Toby: You say that like we’re going to the same college. Al, no one is going to my school, it's like one of the furthest ones from here.
Al:You can still make new friends there y’know? I mean it sucks but like… Eh, that still doesn’t really answer why you wanna disappear… Have you been talking to anyone else about this?
Toby: No, I couldn’t…
Al: But you’re telling me this?
(Al began to roll the ignited cigar between his fingers, his gaze slowly dropping to his fingers.)
Toby: I don’t know… It’s just a spur of the moment thing, I felt like you’d be the only one to not just call nine one one on me and actually talk.
Al: I mean, that doesn’t normally happen to begin with. There’s counseling on campus for therapy… Therapists...doctors….
Toby: And a bottle of pills, maybe a watchful eye or two, the loss of privacy and space to think…
Al: So you’ve been thinking about this for a while?
Toby: I’ve always been thinking about this…
Al: Well why is that?
Toby: Because why not? It’s not much different about how others think… Why not smoke a cigarette? Why not marry the love of my love and raise children? Why not go on this stupidly expensive vacation that could get me fired from work?
(A brief moment of silence rolls in between the two.)
Al: I think that’s different though-
Toby: How could it be? It’s a solution isn’t it? A solution...a pursuit, just like the pursuit of happiness. People get married to be happy, people work jobs to make money to keep themselves happy, people smoke cigarettes...because it makes them happy.
Al: Toby, killing yourself isn’t a solution, it just makes more problems than whatever it could possibly solve.
Toby: Does it? Al, I've been burning holes in my parents' pockets for years… Th-That time I got my teeth knocked out of me when we were freshmen in high school for football? We moved, remember? That was because of me… My baby brother wasn’t able to have his birthday this year because they went and bought me my own car…
Al: I don’t think those are reasons to go get yourself murdered… They just wanted you to be safe...happy. If you feel so bad, why not choose a job that’ll make you bank to pay em’ back with. Pick up sports again maybe? You’re still a little bulky from sophomore year… You might be able to take me down here and now if you really wanted to.
(Toby sighed as he began to rock himself back and forth a little effectively causing the swing to move along with him.)
Toby: It’s not...that simple… I really don’t have the grades dude, and I sure as hell don’t have the athleticism anymore. I’m not trying to get them to pay for any more bills from football… The only reason I'm getting into the school is because my mom’s divorced ex was an alumni there. She managed to weasel out a few thousand dollars of him to make it more affordable. On top of that, they sold the car for money too which is why you haven’t seen it in a while…
Al: You know, there’s a thing called student loans… A-And scholarships for students who really really need it help dwindle things down.
(Toby lets out an unsuspecting laugh.)
Toby: No… Those only put you a whole lot deeper into depth. Holy shit, did you do any research on how money actually works in college? Not everyone gets a full fucking ride you know…
(Al grew silent for several moments inciting Toby to stop swinging.)
Toby: S-Sorry, it’s just… Ergh, I don’t know man.
(Another moment of silence overcomes the two, before Al clears his throat.)
Al: Maybe try explaining it in a different way? Wanting to, disappear...
Toby: Okay...okay, um… Okay, like a math equation. One big math equation where numbers and variables, fractions, everything is added, taken away, and multiplied within a day’s time. Then between the amounts of pressure placed on you, you’re forced to figure it out despite how often it changes within short moments. It’s never the same.
Al: So life in generals is the math problem then, right?
(Toby nods.)
Toby: Something like that, yes. Sometimes the problem is a little simpler to solve if you throw a lot of variables away. It makes the other numbers and circumstances happier. To know that the number four doesn’t have to be divided...or forced to be multiplied at such a low number. Al, I can’t help but feel like I negatively affect everything. Even if people aren't crying or upset, I give them every reason to feel that way with the mistakes that I make. That’s what makes me sad, I can’t affect them for the better… I can’t-
(Al suddenly stands from his swing causing for the loud shaking of rusted chains to sound in the empty park. He drops the cigarette from the corner of his mouth and steps on it just as it hits the ground.)
Al: Quit being so unfair to yourself! You’re talking about having a leash on life man, that’s not… It’s not how it works.
Toby: I know…
Al: Then how...how could you ever think of something like this as something potentially valid. It just causes pain dude, so much pain...a-and sadness. And what about me? D’you ever stop to think how it’d affect me at least?
(The sheep began to idly shuffle his fingers a little as a wave of guilt hit him just as he responded with his lie.)
Toby: Yes, you’d get over it… Everyone would eventually
Al: That’s not fair of you to just say… People handle moving on with death differently...unique from person to person. Some might cry for days, some for weeks, months, years… You’d be condemning your family to years of sadness just to sew up a few papercuts. L-Like using cement to glue two pieces of paper together, it’s stupid.
Toby: But it would work... That's why I can't stop thinking about it...
