Not really sure why I'm typing this, mostly just wanting to replace the last journal I made without deleting it... might do that later.
So random untitled 'update' journal. I guess.

I don't have too much to say, or anything new to say. Usually my update journals have something to, well, update. Nothing new has happened either good nor bad. I feel stagnant, in both art and life. Nothing feels like anything is happening or ever will happen. Coronavirus keeps me in the house.

I really don't draw for myself anymore. I still have mental health issues that feel neither worse nor better. My insomnia and constant nightmares have not improved since I last posted a journal. They never went away and I still have them. There is not a time when I sleep where I do not have nightmares. I've tried all the methods like falling asleep listening to specific things, some suggestions from friends and what-not. Short of taking sleeping pills, which I do not trust myself with. I've been basically watching nothing but slasher movies, which I'd like to mention I somehow have not had a single nightmare from. It seems my brain deems my real life much more miserable than a slasher.

I guess I feel less like killing myself lately. But then again I don't really feel anything anymore in either direction. I feel completely apathetic.

I feel like my art situation will never improve. I have yet to get a working computer to run the art programs I want to run. I am working towards it but I feel I have no distractions in the mean time. I feel like my entire life revolves around waiting for a computer so I can "finally draw". Which I assume is a lie my brain tells me which is why I haven't been drawing, I don't count commissions I speak of art I want to create. I feel as if things hold me back, namely my shitty computer. And while my computer is actually a issue I feel like my mental health stops me from drawing as well. I feel like it tells me I can't draw so I believe it.

I feel most people would have compromised or moved on or something by now. I have never been good at making small things not feel big to me. Anyways I run a MLP group on DeviantART with nearly 10,000 members. I'm pretty happy about that and honored to have been given it.:)
One of my favorite YouTuber's roasted me live on his stream when I requested it lol, that was lit.
I've been watching a show called Boardwalk Empire, since I have run out of historical-based shows. I watched AMC's the Terror season 1 and 2 as well as Chernobyl. I quite liked them, Adam Nagaitis is great in everything. He's in another historical drama I want to check out. I hope they'll make a season 3 of the Terror.
I have, in my spare time, been doodling furries. Not really for any reason just boredom. I want to proper finish them but I will wait until I get a proper computer, I think. My current one runs like shit.

I've been having "movie night" with myself every so often, which is something I usually never do. I actually never really watch movies outside of theaters. I have the attention span of a fly, afterall... I watched Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 and Texas Chainsaw Massacre, I really liked them. TCM2 is def one of my favorite movies now. I love all the Big Red Soda that was in it, it was actually filmed really close where I live. As a Texan I really enjoyed seeing Texas in a movie. The original Texas Chainsaw Massacre definitely is scarier than any horror show I seen. Most horror movies feel like action movies now a days, this one felt different.

"Look what your brother did to the door!"

"If I have any more fun I don't think I'll be able to take it!"

"Nam flashback, nam flashback!!"

I watched the Nightmare on Elm Street remake, Jackie Earl Haley was the best part of that movie.<3
I feel perhaps I need more hobbies.:/ I want to do a free art raffle some time, but I need to finish more commissions. I wanted to do a free raffle to celebrate 1000 watchers but I am busy at the moment, I will have to hold a late one when I get more time. I did a free raffle one time for a YCH slot, I enjoyed doing free art for once. It was different and nice compared to occasionally price gouging with certain people... eh better times and better circumstances will come in the future, I can hope.

well I thought I would share the things I have been up to, or haven't. Thanks for everyone's commission patience, I hope you are all well in quarantine and with the virus out there :( stay safe friends, I hope wellness will find us soon.