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No will for anything
5 years ago
As of late (and I mean a couple years now), I've been losing more and more motivation to do anything.
It's to the point that I am growing to dislike certain things now... The main two being impacted are drawing, roleplaying and really any interaction with others.
I have grown to SIGH and haaate roleplaying nowadays, it just bothers me, sitting there, hands aching as I deal with a headache of trying to type out a reasonable response, making sure it's not too long, not repetitive, then re checking to make sure no misspellings occur... It's just TEDIOUS for me to do constantly, why I'm always resistant on doing them... Same with drawing, it's time consuming for me and tedious... I used to make pics within a day or two... Now, am lcky if I get something sketched without losing interest.
It's become so bad that I've even had people want to commission me, PAY me but I never really got back with them cause I never have any will to draw.
All I feel comfortable doing when am not asleep or busy with chores/business is watching videos and then playing games. It's even getting to the point I rarely want to chat with people/friends.
I've been a solitary person since I was 9, I've grown up never having friends so in a way, I adapted and grew to live that way as the norm, so, it's VERY uncomfortable for me to be with other people (be it irl or chats) because I grew up not dealing with such.
Hence why I dislike groups of any kind, be it irl, chat groups, xbox groups and so on.
But I do wish I wasn't this way but hard to break habit of something 21 years in the making, though, being so solitary has made a dwelling depression hang around since I first begun to get the signs of such when I was about 17-18, it's been there ever since... Buuuut, I hide it so people wouldn't worry and in a way, I've hid it so much that I fool even myself into thinking am not depressed or don't even know it when it's indeed there.
Nowadays, I am finding it more to ignore such with everything going on (not the covid-19 shit), I meant in general in my life... Got MS so my future of walking is unknown, but conventions and such are no more chance for me, am getting disability but never have a chance to get anything cause it all keeps being used for things like bills and such so I never am able to buy games,toys, commissions and such.
Plus my age am sure has a factor in it too, but I don't know... I just find it harder and harder to wanna do any of that stuff each passing year, I never know how to get out of it.
Forcing myself to draw/RP just makes me resent such things even MORE cause I know am forcing myself and it bothers me further... I just dunno what to do really as said. It's making friends feel abandoned or feeling like I don't care of them anymore, it's NOT the case, I care about ALL my friends but I just never have time, will or such to stay in constant contact.
*Shrugs* Thought I'd share why I haven't drawn in forever and why I'm never seem to chat with people for extended periods of time, it not anyones doing and it's no excuse for such but just multiple issues with me am having to deal with, so do understand.
If not, it's fine and I understand but just wanted it to be known why things are the way they are with me.
It's to the point that I am growing to dislike certain things now... The main two being impacted are drawing, roleplaying and really any interaction with others.
I have grown to SIGH and haaate roleplaying nowadays, it just bothers me, sitting there, hands aching as I deal with a headache of trying to type out a reasonable response, making sure it's not too long, not repetitive, then re checking to make sure no misspellings occur... It's just TEDIOUS for me to do constantly, why I'm always resistant on doing them... Same with drawing, it's time consuming for me and tedious... I used to make pics within a day or two... Now, am lcky if I get something sketched without losing interest.
It's become so bad that I've even had people want to commission me, PAY me but I never really got back with them cause I never have any will to draw.
All I feel comfortable doing when am not asleep or busy with chores/business is watching videos and then playing games. It's even getting to the point I rarely want to chat with people/friends.
I've been a solitary person since I was 9, I've grown up never having friends so in a way, I adapted and grew to live that way as the norm, so, it's VERY uncomfortable for me to be with other people (be it irl or chats) because I grew up not dealing with such.
Hence why I dislike groups of any kind, be it irl, chat groups, xbox groups and so on.
But I do wish I wasn't this way but hard to break habit of something 21 years in the making, though, being so solitary has made a dwelling depression hang around since I first begun to get the signs of such when I was about 17-18, it's been there ever since... Buuuut, I hide it so people wouldn't worry and in a way, I've hid it so much that I fool even myself into thinking am not depressed or don't even know it when it's indeed there.
Nowadays, I am finding it more to ignore such with everything going on (not the covid-19 shit), I meant in general in my life... Got MS so my future of walking is unknown, but conventions and such are no more chance for me, am getting disability but never have a chance to get anything cause it all keeps being used for things like bills and such so I never am able to buy games,toys, commissions and such.
Plus my age am sure has a factor in it too, but I don't know... I just find it harder and harder to wanna do any of that stuff each passing year, I never know how to get out of it.
Forcing myself to draw/RP just makes me resent such things even MORE cause I know am forcing myself and it bothers me further... I just dunno what to do really as said. It's making friends feel abandoned or feeling like I don't care of them anymore, it's NOT the case, I care about ALL my friends but I just never have time, will or such to stay in constant contact.
*Shrugs* Thought I'd share why I haven't drawn in forever and why I'm never seem to chat with people for extended periods of time, it not anyones doing and it's no excuse for such but just multiple issues with me am having to deal with, so do understand.
If not, it's fine and I understand but just wanted it to be known why things are the way they are with me.
Over time, family was busy as I was a kid, so I was alone alot. I'm used to being alone...despite not always wanting to be alone.
Just be careful, stay safe and healthy.
Myself have gone through periods like that, when I was growing up.
It had gotten pretty bad.
I'm not a doctor or am a specialist, but with my experiences, it sounds like depression and other mental things.
Talking to a counsellor such as a pastor or a someone who specializes in the mental health area can really help.
I really hope things both mentally, physically and in your life will get better for you, Kiya!
I will definitely keep you in my prayers.
I've always enjoyed your company~ 🎶
I'd be up for talking too if you need a break from RP!
You have all of us to keep you going all of us individually have had amazing time spent with you that i and im sure others cherish. I myself learned a lot from you and even actually had best time with shotting games even though im bad at them
If youre losing interest just know isolating yourself only makes you feel more damaged and worse so im glad to hear you say you dont want to be like that even if it’s been for lomg time in past. Just need to balance it since forcing yourself will mentally be draining. Just look toward the future what you want and how you can better. I know I’ll be here to help support root you on and be there.
Just glad I was able to have met you even if it is just online and maybe in future it can be in person and with others at cons too, never doubt opportunities
I and others are always a poke away from being there