So many thoughts... And yet here I was, like many of you this year thinking chance would come and then the world falls to bits. But because of this I've had time to think, to panic, to understand.

I sat every night for the past 4 months worrying that an end would come to the future I hoped to hold, and 3 months and 2 weeks later it happened...

And as of the 18th of April I'm without a job because of this virus that's striped millions of us off the same things.

Countless people die from this, some for me have been close by but not as close as some of you. My condolences to everyone whose lost loved ones during this not just because of the virus but also because of mental degradation. Some of us will recover or will rebound but not without the help of others.

Don't be petty and bost what you have in front of everyone for things will happen to you that you never expect so take joy and pride in what you possess now and hold it tight and never let go... Because once you bat an eye, once you turn away, what you once possessed will vanish before your eyes. This virus doesn't care if your popular or not. It doesn't care if your rich or poor, it doesn't care what your gender, your race or what your background is in. It will take away things reguardless.

Our luxuries are gone for now, some may be gone forever. Never take this for granted because no one is safe from this, somehow someway were all feeling this pain together. Staying at home sucks, but hold your pride and be mindful when you do go out. Be smart and be vigilant. Especially when we start opening things up. Massing and going to places wouldn't be something I'd say is smart but again be smart about it, life isn't the same as it was last year, that's gone for now. Understanding that will save many heartache later.

Be with those you love, and check on those you care about. A simple "hello" or "sup" or "how you doing" can go a long way.

I write all this because I'm a bit mentally destroyed by all of this, not from news or the virus itself but from the lack of humanity from the people who are in power. And I know once this is all over nothing will come from this, it will all vanish, years from now history books will never show this pain millions of us suffered... I'm not stupid. Optimism goes a ways yes but when in history have the 1% ever changed things for the better of all.

My words may be hollow to many, glanced over, or agreed with, but if we forget the pain we lose more then just a couple of months.

I haven't rested properly in months, I'm eager, tired, anxious, nervous and most of all scared out of my mind. I cry for things I wish I could have done to make it so I couldn't stand alone especially now... I crave the chances I once had but remember how I threw them away... I'm sure many share similar thoughts and feelings.

Were in this together, in more ways then one.

Feel free to comment if you'd like... It appears I once again wrote a novel in a journal...