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My account passed 1000+ views.
5 years ago
This is completely trivial and not much worth celebrating for literally anyone else, but as someone who doesn't post art on an art site, as someone who doesn't interact with many people, as someone who talks to himself more than anyone else, it means a lot.
Over the past few years, I have been getting increasingly more and more lonely. Yes, I live in a house with several other family members, but I'm talking about friends. I honestly feel like I don't have friends. During high school, I hung out with my group of friends every day, but there was one thing that was consistent throughout all of it: I was very quiet.
I'm a quiet guy. I only really speak once someone else talks to me first and I hate it. Because of this, I haven't spoken to any of my high school friends since, well, high school. I want to talk to them, I want to have friends, but whenever I think about initiating a conversation with them, I just can't.
This is also probably why I talk to myself a lot. I've no one else to talk to, except myself.
I've had my computer for 2 years, I think. And during the entire time I've played games on my computer, I have only talked on a mic once. When I play games, I tend to play them alone, with bots. I feel ridiculously nervous whenever I message anyone, like I constantly think that the message I sent would be received the wrong way and they suddenly hate me.
I just would like to have friends. But I know that, to have friends, I have to be able to talk to them. And that, for some fucking reason, is the hardest part for me.
Over the past few years, I have been getting increasingly more and more lonely. Yes, I live in a house with several other family members, but I'm talking about friends. I honestly feel like I don't have friends. During high school, I hung out with my group of friends every day, but there was one thing that was consistent throughout all of it: I was very quiet.
I'm a quiet guy. I only really speak once someone else talks to me first and I hate it. Because of this, I haven't spoken to any of my high school friends since, well, high school. I want to talk to them, I want to have friends, but whenever I think about initiating a conversation with them, I just can't.
This is also probably why I talk to myself a lot. I've no one else to talk to, except myself.
I've had my computer for 2 years, I think. And during the entire time I've played games on my computer, I have only talked on a mic once. When I play games, I tend to play them alone, with bots. I feel ridiculously nervous whenever I message anyone, like I constantly think that the message I sent would be received the wrong way and they suddenly hate me.
I just would like to have friends. But I know that, to have friends, I have to be able to talk to them. And that, for some fucking reason, is the hardest part for me.
I will say that I have been getting better. I think the little interactions like this help tremendously. So I appreciate you taking the time to comment on these.
Yeah, the negative thoughts tend to out-weigh the positive ones when it comes to me. Even if it's someone I'm well-acquainted with, I'll still end up second-guessing myself. It's a problem that I do recognize that I have.
I think the main problem with me is that I'm always lost in thought. I tend to have a conversation with myself in my head about pretty much everything going on around me. And when your thoughts are jumping this way and that, eventually they lead to some more unhealthier thoughts and those tend to stick.