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Possibly the worst decision that can ruin my life
5 years ago
I have decided to drop out of school, it may have been the best decision I can make in my life, but it could also be the worst decision to ruin my life. Right now I am beginning to hesitate and retract, being that a week ago I was really motivated.
With the COVID-19 situation, the university offers the option on its website to withdraw the semester for those who have difficulties with online classes and then restart the until after the pandemic. However, I did not have in mind to restart it, I did not want to be part of anything that had to do with the university, in fact, I don't feel part of it anymore.
Since last year, I started to lose a lot of motivation and interest in going to college. This was happening to me since mid-2018, but in 2019 it was definitive, I am already seriously considering leaving the university, but I continued only because my parents told me that it was my duty.
The classes became very boring, some teachers use to make fun of us, and others want to put their ideologies on us, and the university begins to promote certain values and sets of ideas with which I don't agree at all, and seeing that it was practically me vs. almost 90% of the school ... if I opened my mouth they burned me alive, and in fact I did, terrible mistake, me and my mouth loose... With the passage of the year I was gaining bad reputation and enemies, many people started to speak shit about me, they even went so far as to tell me that a group of feminists were planning to report me for sexual harassment (although of course, since there was no evidence of it, they never achieved anything). In addition, I had been dealing with an existential crisis since 2018, (my first year at university) crises that by the way my friends helped me cope with, but by 2019 they were not with me. All those things were taking away my spirits and the interest to, I couldn't find a reason other than my parents ..... "It is your obligation, you have to be someone in life" But, did I really want to be a sociologist?
Over the past year I have begun to take the idea of being an artist more seriously in an attempt to find a sense of life. I start to pay more attention to the drawings, and I even planned to go to an Artist Alley in a FurryCon. I was absent half of the year at school, I was just going but I was locked in the library drawing and preparing designs for the convention, then I went on a trip to the convention, and when I gave the news to my mom, they almost ran me from the house haha, I was hiding that I was missing classes because I was drawing. At that point, September October, I was going to withdraw from the university, but the semester was about to end, so I could do no more than pass the semester with all the approved subjects.
I thought that those thoughts of leaving university and being an artist would be erased at the beginning of this year, but no, they were still there, and I begin to feel even more empty, but I continued going every morning to have my mother and father proud. Why do I keep going if I'm not even learning useful things? I'm not even going to be a sociologist, I'm not going to carry out that career, so why do I want the title? Why keep going to a place, where nobody loves me, where I'm not learning anything, I spend it asleep or lost in my thoughts, I don't even pay attention, I don't do my homework, I'm just complaining, coming and going with no apparent direction... why?
This is something that I have been dealing with since 2018 but the more time passed the more It grows, and with the situation of the COVID-19 and the classes online I said "fuck this, I don't want to know anything", I really enjoyed spending time outside of the university, not knowing anything about that place, and anyway, I was never aware of academic matters.
But now I'm starting to retract myself. Isn't it something stupid and sick to want to leave the university for to dedicate myself in drawing pornography with sick and grotesque fetishes? What would my parents think if they knew I wanted to dedicate myself to drawing these things for money? I will be the disappointment of the family, with my sister graduated in Pedagogy and I... a furry artist...
Although still, I didn't plan to limit myself only to the furry, I wanted to work in comics, in the development of video games as a director and character designer, etc. in animated series, movies and so on, although I don't know how my nsfw drawings might affect those plans in the future: s what if in the future I can't get a job as an artist because of that?
For now my concern is how to tell my parents that going to college is not in my "life plan". In the same way, I did not plan to stay a parasite in my house, now due to the pandemic I cannot do much about it, but once it is over, I wanted to change to full-time work, or in case I cannot, get another job, save money and I pay my own visual arts and grafic design studies.
In case I regret it, I can restart the semester in August and continue studying sociology, but that would mean complaining and complaining about my life for another three years
With the COVID-19 situation, the university offers the option on its website to withdraw the semester for those who have difficulties with online classes and then restart the until after the pandemic. However, I did not have in mind to restart it, I did not want to be part of anything that had to do with the university, in fact, I don't feel part of it anymore.
Since last year, I started to lose a lot of motivation and interest in going to college. This was happening to me since mid-2018, but in 2019 it was definitive, I am already seriously considering leaving the university, but I continued only because my parents told me that it was my duty.
The classes became very boring, some teachers use to make fun of us, and others want to put their ideologies on us, and the university begins to promote certain values and sets of ideas with which I don't agree at all, and seeing that it was practically me vs. almost 90% of the school ... if I opened my mouth they burned me alive, and in fact I did, terrible mistake, me and my mouth loose... With the passage of the year I was gaining bad reputation and enemies, many people started to speak shit about me, they even went so far as to tell me that a group of feminists were planning to report me for sexual harassment (although of course, since there was no evidence of it, they never achieved anything). In addition, I had been dealing with an existential crisis since 2018, (my first year at university) crises that by the way my friends helped me cope with, but by 2019 they were not with me. All those things were taking away my spirits and the interest to, I couldn't find a reason other than my parents ..... "It is your obligation, you have to be someone in life" But, did I really want to be a sociologist?
Over the past year I have begun to take the idea of being an artist more seriously in an attempt to find a sense of life. I start to pay more attention to the drawings, and I even planned to go to an Artist Alley in a FurryCon. I was absent half of the year at school, I was just going but I was locked in the library drawing and preparing designs for the convention, then I went on a trip to the convention, and when I gave the news to my mom, they almost ran me from the house haha, I was hiding that I was missing classes because I was drawing. At that point, September October, I was going to withdraw from the university, but the semester was about to end, so I could do no more than pass the semester with all the approved subjects.
I thought that those thoughts of leaving university and being an artist would be erased at the beginning of this year, but no, they were still there, and I begin to feel even more empty, but I continued going every morning to have my mother and father proud. Why do I keep going if I'm not even learning useful things? I'm not even going to be a sociologist, I'm not going to carry out that career, so why do I want the title? Why keep going to a place, where nobody loves me, where I'm not learning anything, I spend it asleep or lost in my thoughts, I don't even pay attention, I don't do my homework, I'm just complaining, coming and going with no apparent direction... why?
This is something that I have been dealing with since 2018 but the more time passed the more It grows, and with the situation of the COVID-19 and the classes online I said "fuck this, I don't want to know anything", I really enjoyed spending time outside of the university, not knowing anything about that place, and anyway, I was never aware of academic matters.
But now I'm starting to retract myself. Isn't it something stupid and sick to want to leave the university for to dedicate myself in drawing pornography with sick and grotesque fetishes? What would my parents think if they knew I wanted to dedicate myself to drawing these things for money? I will be the disappointment of the family, with my sister graduated in Pedagogy and I... a furry artist...
Although still, I didn't plan to limit myself only to the furry, I wanted to work in comics, in the development of video games as a director and character designer, etc. in animated series, movies and so on, although I don't know how my nsfw drawings might affect those plans in the future: s what if in the future I can't get a job as an artist because of that?
For now my concern is how to tell my parents that going to college is not in my "life plan". In the same way, I did not plan to stay a parasite in my house, now due to the pandemic I cannot do much about it, but once it is over, I wanted to change to full-time work, or in case I cannot, get another job, save money and I pay my own visual arts and grafic design studies.
In case I regret it, I can restart the semester in August and continue studying sociology, but that would mean complaining and complaining about my life for another three years
And the truth is that I have not talked about this deeply with anyone, except my best friend from high school...
But what i'm hinting at is, the road ahead might be pretty rough, but as long as you know what you want in life, if you keep trying for it and working at it, someday, you'll achieve that life goal. But make sure the choices your make, will be what you feel is best for yourself, because you are in charge of your destiny, sir.